Facing Facts About Yourself, And Others
November 10, 2008 12:15am CST
I have just come to the end of a very busy weekend. 'We' are in the process of choosing which university my daughter will attend next September. November seems to be the most popular month for Open Houses, at most universities. We did two such Open Houses this weekend. It would be exhausting for many people. The thing is, it was more than just tiring for me. It was 'nearly' impossible for me to take part in these days. I didn't realize this beforehand, and in fact, hadn't really given it much thought. I was able to attend both information sessions, pertaining to my daughter's program interests. However, I 'was not' able to go on the campus tours, and am greatly disappointed by this. What I have come to realize, is that I am actually partially disabled. I have been walking with a cane for almost a year now, when I go out. I usually manage to put on a brave front, for those around me. After all, I don't want to draw attention to myself, or disappoint them. However, this did not work for me this weekend. Both campus tours included major stair climbing. I could not keep up. On Saturday, I was able to take the elevator up a floor, but then had to wait there in the library, while my daughter and my sister completed the tour. The same thing happened on Sunday. I made it up one flight of stairs, and then realized we had to climb three more, and this was at the beginning of the tour. I came back down, and waited once again. I had really wanted to take this tour in particular. It is discouraging to me, that there were no allowances made at these Open Houses, for the disabled to be included. I am not looking for pity here, as there are many far worse off than me. I am just trying to share, what has been a major discovery (about myself.) This weekend has caused my daughter, and my sister, to accept the fact that I do have these limitations. Have you ever had a revelation about yourself, that you knew about in theory, but have had to come to terms with? Have you ever had to accept something about a loved one, or friend, that you were in denial over? How did facing the facts make you feel?
• United States
16 Nov 08
I am so sorry you could not keep up with you daughter. I know where you are coming from I too walk with a cane mine is due to dizzy spells that I do not know when will come on. Last month I was trying to help my sister and daughter load a truck up with stuff when when we cleaned out our Granny's house. Well I was very dizzy and my daughter and sister told me to sit down. What I did end up doing was getting in the back of the 16ft rent-a truck and letting them hand me things. That way they I did not have far to walk nor did I have far to fall. When my sister and daughter grounded me to the truck I said "boy I was fired as map reader, and now as furniture mover next I will be fired as a sister and mother." my older sister said " You already have been fired from them two a long time ago we just did not tell you." it was a joke but I did start to cry when their back was turned. There was so much work to do and I felt like I could not do my share. They just saw me stumbling around and I was scaring them. It is such a hard thing to face is our disabilities. Good luck with your realization and keep your chin up.
16 Nov 08
Hi teapotmom, Thanks so much for coming into this discussion, and sharing this with me. It really does mean a lot, and I've teared up while reading here. I find it so touching, and you've managed to put, 'exactly' the way I feel. I needed to hear this 'now,' and to know that I'm not alone. I do actually already know this, but sometimes I feel that I'm alone anyway, from the human standpoint. I feel so misunderstood, and even resented at times by those very close to me, because of the way I am. I know this isn't their intention, and I don't think they even realize they're making me feel this way. My daughter in law is a member here, and she does a wonderful job of understanding what I'm going through, even though she's not experiencing anything like it herself. She truly 'gets' my fear of the future, and the fact that I feel so useless at times. My heart goes out to you, in reading what took place the day you were cleaning out your Granny's house. It makes me sad, that your sister said this to you, even though she meant it as a joke. Ironically, it has been my daughter and sister who have said hurtful things to me too, along these lines. They've intended for them to be 'funny,' when really they're not. If I were you, I would've cried when their back was turned too, and in fact have, on some occasions, in my own situation. 'All' people really need to try to be more sensitive to others feelings. I've gone on at length here, but I truly want you to know how timely this response of yours is. I wish you all of the best with this, and thanks again for your kind words. Hugs to you.
• United States
25 Nov 08
I know this is a week late, but I have been dizzy last week and needed a lot of rest. I had to take two Valium on Friday when I had to help a friend with her mini-farm and the school children who where coming over. It was hard but I did it while leaning on my cane. My friend wanted to take care of me and put me sitting down but there was anther volunteer that needed to sit worse than I. I have fallen so much, thank god not broken bones. I told my friend if I fall I fall. I will only land in the dirt. Thankfully I did not fall, I made it through the day and took a mini nap when I got home. I hate taking the Valium for the dizziness and resisted it for the first year. I only take it when I cannot walk well or get to nauseous from the dizziness. The Valium is only 2mg and I do not take it every day so I do not want you to get worried I will get addicted. I know what you mean when friends and family say things that hurt. My daughter walks behind me so if I start to topple over she can grab me. She is so loving and helpful and always there when I need her. My son and his girlfriend are there when I need them also. I can endure some "teasing" even if they are hurtful. I do not let them know when they hurt me. It is because I have to learn how to live with my disabilities. I think we know what each of us are going through and with the help of the inter net we have been able to find each other. Thanks for your kind words when I need them. Take care my friend.
26 Nov 08
I'm glad you got through the day at the farm okay. It can be so hard to do these things when we're in pain or not well, but sometimes what's the alternative? I'm not ready to give up on everything, so when I have the opportunity like the university weekend, I just go and hope for the best. It's realizing my limitations are increasing, that's the hard part. My family likes to tease too, and they don't mean anything by it, but there are some days when it's harder to take. I wouldn't want them to experience what I go through though, and hope that no one inherits the hereditary part of this. Some of my condition is similar to my (late) mom's. That does sound like a very small dose of Valium. I know it can be addictive, but I can tell you know how to manage it. It's good to find somebody who understands, as we can support one another in a way others can't do for us. Take care. Hugs
10 Nov 08
Hi gabs, Thanks so much for your kind words. They mean a lot, and I know you really do understand these types of situations. I must confess, when I managed to get back down the first flight of stairs, to the main floor atrium (on Sunday), I did 'tear up' a bit. I managed to give myself a stern talking to (in my head) , and turned to face a closed art gallery where some students had work displayed. Once I'd regained my composure, I was able to get some refreshments, find a seat, and people watch. I had just really wanted to be beside my daughter for this tour. It was quite a revealing weekend for me (about myself.) Love and Big Hugs to you.
10 Nov 08
yep I haven't started walking with a cane yet, but I think that I have to start, I just need to find the right one, I need a cane to support my back or else I cannot walk. I will have to look into it, the big revelation for me was that I could not work anymore outside the home, it was hard to admit but I had to do it.
10 Nov 08
Hi winterose, It hadn't occurred to me that I should be using a cane, until I was in a really bad way with my legs last December. I'd managed to somehow hurt myself (legs), just by walking too quickly across my kitchen. I was actually having a good day walking wise, and didn't realize this would happen. It took quite awhile for me to 'come back' as good as I ever am, from this incident. I've walked (outside of the house) with a cane ever since. A good friend of mine who's an RN, actually bought me my cane as a Christmas gift. I wish you all the best, in finding the cane that works perfectly for you. I can understand how 'your big revelation' would be a hard one for you. This has been a difficult one for me also. I really need to find a way to make some decent income (preferably from home.) So far, the only thing I've come up with is myLot, and I'm continuing to search. I also do a bit of babysitting. If I were to ever work outside my home again, I'd need a bus right at my door, and this isn't the case here. This past weekend was hard for me, but very revealing just the same. Thanks so much for your understanding, and for sharing here. Love and Hugs to you.