what to do? when other kids don't want to be friends with yours?

United States
November 10, 2008 9:45am CST
My daughter is 9. She is smart and social and beautiful. What parent doesn't think this right? Well, My daughter also has mild to moderate MR. (mental retardation) She's just starting to realize that it takes her longer to do things than the other kids. What's worse is the other kids at school are realizing it too. Several have told her to her face that they don't like her or want to be her friend. It's very hurtful to her and to me as well. I try to reassure her and explain that everyone's different and not everybody has to like everybody else. My question is how would you handle this situation?
3 people like this
10 responses
@sunshine4 (8707)
• United States
10 Nov 08
This is a very hard subject to deal with . Especiall with girls! Once they get around the age of 8 they can become very mean! My daughter went threw this a little bit last year. I told her that she needs to find one good friend and keep her as her friend regardless what anyone else says or does. Girls these days are all friends one minute and then the next don't like one of their group. Now this year my daughter has a nice bunch of friends, but I do see one that she invites over all the time. I am hoping that they stick together threw all the mean girl stuff. I think you are right at telling your daughter that everybody is different. I would also ask her who she likes in her classroom. Then start inviting this girl to do fun things with your and your daughter. Maybe they will form a strong friendship.
2 people like this
@ladysakurax (1163)
• Canada
11 Nov 08
Children could be mean indeed but I think it's because they do not understand yet what is the meaning of being considerate and accept other people mo matter what their difference are. I believe that this is very wrong and it's not something to leave like this. I suggest you to talk with her teacher. Since you might not have an influence and cannot talk to them, the teacher could be your voice. The teacher should explain all students about bully, racism, differences, etc. Teachers have alot of influence on children so I believe there's a chance for children to understand this matter. If this still doesn't work, then maybe the teacher might talk to the children in private. This worked when i was in elementary school when some students would bully a student or one who creates rumors about other. i hope this comes in helpful.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30989)
• United States
11 Nov 08
they used to teach acceptance of the differences in other kids in schools starting from nursery school. One of my closest friends was mentally challenged and you know....I didn't even notice....it was just how he was and I never questioned it until I was much older. still it didn't matter. It's been 50 years and he still is a great friend. The teacher's need to teach the kid's acceptance.
1 person likes this
• Canada
11 Nov 08
I see. I remember being taught about this in kindergarden but the subject was vague and at some point, this was reminded over and over again even in high school. This happens frequently at school. I find it disgusting. I agree with your comment down there. If i would have a child and he/she would be treated this way, I wouldn't let it go. The teachers are the one who should act like an adult and show a good example to students.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30989)
• United States
11 Nov 08
It is very hard...I know. My heart goes out to both you and your daughter. Kids can be so cruel and the school doesn't always seem as sympathetic as we think they should be. My daughter was diagnosed as "selective mute" which is a rare anxiety disorder. It was horrible how discriminated she was by not just the students but many teachers as well. As a mom, I spent so much time and effort just building her esteem and encouraging her to accept herself just as she was as well as encouraging her to do better for herself and strive to overcome that obsticle. you have a long road ahead as it is really not easy to build esteem in the face of all the cruelty of others. I know my daughter's condition is far different than your daughters but still she was very discriminated against for her silence. As a mom, I can feel your pain. I called the school out on every bit of discrimination they showed. The kids...well, little I could do about that but the schools way of handling it was actually making matters worse. My daughter was a straight A student and because she was so very quiet they decided they needed to intervene. Thier very intervention was was making her more concious and exaggerating the problem. I don't know the answer for your daughter but I do know that you have to be her advocate and push for her rights for her and not give up. You also need to build her esteem in any way you can.
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Nov 08
9 year olds arent old enough to understand and accept people who are slightly different. Since your daughter doesnt get enough love from school, you should make her feel super special at home. Take her out, buy her what she wants, make her feel as if she is special.
1 person likes this
• United States
10 Nov 08
Kids can be so cruel. I'm sorry to hear that your daughter is being hurt this way. It happens to all of us when we are young. My son is not old enough yet to have these types of issues, but I remember being that age and having to deal with mean kids. There is really nothing you can do in this type of situation, you can't make the kids be nice to your daughter because that will single her out even more. Just make sure you tell her to be herself and if she can't be herself around other kids and they don't like her for it, then they are not good enough to be her friends. Also be sure to boost her self esteem and confidence every day and every way you can. Maybe the other kids will come around, things can change from day to day. Good luck! and try not to worry too much!
1 person likes this
@fritz27 (1137)
• United States
11 Nov 08
I could cry. I've worked with Special Needs students for 11 years and some are the most loving people on this green earth. I think you are doing a fine job explaining to her how some others can be. Those other girls might actually be intimidated by your daughter. Maybe they don't know it's ok to be a little different. Why not talk to your daughters' teachers and find out who she is friends with, add some other girls and have them all over your house for a get-together. You can watch yourself on how they all interact. and you know it might not be your daughter, take it from a parent with a daughter, some girls are just plain old mean.
• United States
11 Nov 08
I am not too sure how I would handle this. My first instinct would not be good!! ( I am pretty sure that after I got through with the other kids police would be involved and I would make national news!) I would probably take her out of the situation so it does not bring her self confidence down and hurt her emotionally. I don;t know though , my sister in law has siezures and has her whole life and she is very MR. She is 40 now , but her brain age is most likely now about 13 years old maybe younger. And she had a hard time in school, but her parents kept her in school and she did pretty good, played on the basketball team, she was in the special Olympics years ago and she is now doing pretty good emotionally all though all of the siezures and meds have gotten to her and she is not doing good physically. She did get hurt a lot and sometimes she still will get mad and nervous thinking that the reason someone looks at her is because they are making fun of her.
@Nhey16 (2518)
• Philippines
11 Nov 08
that would hurt a lot, if i learn that kids wouldnt want to be friends with my kids. but i would tell my kids that those people are not worthy to be called friends and they would only cause trouble, so its best that they're not friends with them. and there are still a lot of people whom my kids would meet, who are a lot nicer so i'd tell them not to worry and they would meet kids who will be their friends...
@subha12 (18452)
• India
11 Nov 08
try to be always at her side. engage her in activities that make her more engaged.plus if possible talk to some parents of her friends and let them undrstamd their wards that she need help.
@niqbloo (62)
• United States
11 Nov 08
Wow it's amazing how mean little kids can be. I remember when I was little I used to always get picked on in elementary school and I never knew why. I always thought that I was totally normal, but for some reason no one seemed to like me. Finally when I was in junior high I started skating. I quickly became pretty decent at it, and I started making friends through that. I guess what I'm trying to say is maybe you should get your daughter involved in some sort of sport or activity. That's what I did and it changed everything. Ever since then I've always had friends, and I've never had any problems since.