Confessions of a cheating wife II

November 12, 2008 12:23am CST
Continuing from where I left off ref: Desperately unhappy Strangely, I also realise I would be heartbroken if my husband slept with someone else, and yet I am being unfaithful to him. Nothing about having an affair is rational. What shocks me most about all this is that I'm usually a sensible, rational person. Friends come to me for advice when their love lives are in a mess, not the other way around. I've started having nightmares about Steve finding out about my affair, and shouting at me while I'm trying desperately to think of something to say, some way of excusing what I've done. But I know there isn't anything I could ever say that would make it all right again. Nothing would ever be the same between us, I know. But then it isn't already. Everything that's happened since I met Nick has been based on a lie, for which I totally accept I am at fault. I just don't know what the solution is. I'm desperately unhappy. I've thought about making an appointment to see my doctor, but would be too ashamed to tell him what's going on. I have confided in one or two close women friends. Talking about my worries relieves my anxiety, but does not do anything towards helping me make a decision. I don't want to force Nick to do anything. If we do end up together I want it to be because we love one another. Nick has said this is a decision that I have to make alone. But we both know I would be choosing between him and Steve. Recently Steve has started to notice how preoccupied I am and has been asking if there's anything wrong at work. I said there wasn't. But I am getting increasingly jumpy and nervy around the house. My daughter, too, has been asking 'What's wrong, Mummy?' making me feel more guilty than I do already. I know I should stop seeing Nick. But I'm afraid I might regret it for the rest of my life. And having another child by my husband, when my emotions are in turmoil, seems even more immoral than having an affair. What's your take on this true article? Is love so unpredictable, that one can never know when the other party is going wayward? Whatever has happened to the saying "If the love you have with someone is strong, you definitely won't stray"? Ref:
1 response
• United States
24 Nov 08
I am confused if you are writing this for publication don't you think your husband will find out?