The Quitter in Me

Philippines
November 12, 2008 1:13am CST
[i]I quit. Again. The problem is that I'm being cursed with this intuition. If I sense something is wrong, something is REALLY wrong. Then I've become a quitter too. I remember having a boyfriend for 2 years, and 3 years before. I was once a determined chick. Ready to face everything just to save my relationship. That was before I was shattered once... died twice... After that, I started to quit a relationship when something's amiss. When I feel that the guy isn't happy anymore, when I feel that I'm a burden that he carries in his life and that he can't tell me straight in the face because it's either he feels sorry for me or that he isn't man enough to be honest. So I quit. I went out and put an end to the relationship, no explanation needed. Goodbyes are enough. So what if it hurts like hell? So what if I felt like dying again? So what if I was hoping I could be happy this time and found out I'm wrong for the nth time? I've never been someone who builds happiness on other people's miseries. I'm pathetic right? Bare with me, I'm just sharing my stupidity, in this way, I don't lose my sanity.[/i]
8 people like this
14 responses
@NonaSaile (924)
• Philippines
12 Nov 08
Hey, maple. Hugs. Hugging your baby Nicolas too. And stop putting yourself down. You're too intelligent for that. Hugs again.
4 people like this
• Philippines
12 Nov 08
Hi NonaSaile, thanks for the hugs (I needed that) and the compliment... I wonder though what one must call someone who seems to be intelligent yet been committing the same mistake over and over again? Stupid? Blind? Hard-headed? Sigh...
3 people like this
• Philippines
12 Nov 08
a smart girl who likes to put herself down is a good start. listen to the people who have just put in their responses. so many people care, maple. the least you can do is to care about yourself too.
2 people like this
• Philippines
12 Nov 08
Shucks! You're right, I guess I'm just blinded by these tears... Thanks for caring so much...
1 person likes this
@annjilena (5620)
• United States
12 Nov 08
wow this is a interesting discussion a lot people feel they can,t just quit like that when they feeling they are being a burden. did you ever think how he feels about what you are trying to do.you are in a two way relationship here there is his feeling as well as yours to be considered.snap out of it if you do nothing else you owe him a explanation.on the other hand maybe you did him a favor and just let him go thats way he don,t have to hear you whine about what you did.if you love him why did you do it why? because you feel something is wrong are missing did you try talking to him about it are it,s not that serious for you.i bet he loves you and he too is hurting you did this thing.i hope i didn,t hurt your feeling thats not my intention i just was expressing if it was him how he must have felt being kicked to thr crub.
• Philippines
12 Nov 08
It's ok, you're just trying to help and I appreciate it, let me give you a little idea though: Me: you may spill the beans now Him: what secret? Him: alright you first Him: what make you think this way? Me: the problem with me is that God cursed me with this intuition Me: when I feel something's wrong, something's really wrong Me: the next curse is my being a push-over Me: I used to be someone who clings on a relationship, never want it to be wasted, fighting hard for it to survive, but after getting burned for several times, I found myself quitting when I detect something amiss Me: I am a pathetic quitter Me: I always let go when I feel the other party isn't happy anymore Him: there's nothing more you could do about it Him: I mean it's like that for everybody Him: if the other wanna quit nothing can stop it Him: so better to let Nature working on it Him: well I have to say Him: you have very good intuitions Me: I see, thanks for the compliment Me: I really don't know what to say Him: well there's nothing much to say I guess that's pretty clear now...
1 person likes this
@rsa101 (23552)
• Philippines
12 Nov 08
Well I do not see you as pathetic. You decided what you think is right for you and you found more value in quitting than living in a life that is just not suiatable in you. I guess you need to just stop putting yourself down. Move on with a new life ahead and try to become as strong as you can be. Also try to learn from the past to guide you in you in your future. As long as life is here it would present new opportunities and challenges as well it is up to you to choose which ones to grab and which ones to ignore.
• Philippines
12 Nov 08
[i]Sigh, I seem to grab the wrong opportunities every now and then, I feel so stupid... Thanks for your words of wisdom rsa101, makes it somewhat a little less painful...[/i]
2 people like this
@rsa101 (23552)
• Philippines
12 Nov 08
There you go again!!! You are not stupid.... Just say to yourself you have learned your lesson from here and never would it happen to you again. That's it no more cursing your life with it. That is the last thing you could ever do in your life right now. Be an open and loving person that you can be. Love yourself first then by learning to love yourself can only be the only time you can accept to love others and they will follow.
2 people like this
• Philippines
12 Nov 08
I've known ever since that I give too much love and don't really mind if I'm getting anything in return, it makes things a little more hurting you see. But you're right though, I don't really love myself that much no matter how hard I try and no matter how many times I promise to do so... I should definitely do so...
2 people like this
@DawGwath (1042)
• Romania
12 Nov 08
The pathetic one is the one that doesn't have the courage to face his problems, to be honest with his partner, to share the goods and the bads. You just want to make everyone happy and I know how you feel, this happens to me many times, including with friends. When I feel I've become annoying for someone, I prefer to just retreat, if that person doesn't say anything. The most wise thing to do would be to try to discuss that with them, but sometimes words are too much. We're just human afterall ;)
2 people like this
• Philippines
12 Nov 08
I guess I "forced" him to face it alright and it ended up everything. Oh well, life can be funny sometimes... Thanks for your kind words DawGwath.
2 people like this
@DawGwath (1042)
• Romania
12 Nov 08
Anytime, with pleasure ;)
@lingli_78 (12836)
• Australia
12 Nov 08
i'm so sorry to hear about your story... i think you have to learn to let go and just try to live this life easily... give yourself and other people a second chance... things might change for the better for you... pray to God and asked for His help and guidance... i wish you all the best... take care and have a nice day...
2 people like this
• Philippines
12 Nov 08
Hi lingli, thanks for the sound advice. I have let go, I have to. Another chance will come, I'm not closing my doors but I guess I'll have to lie low for now... You take care too and God bless you always...
1 person likes this
@jayyerex (224)
• Canada
12 Nov 08
First things first, you are hardly pathetic and you're definitley not stupid. Everything you just said sounds very normal. You're afraid of getting hurt. So is everybody. It's natural when you see your boyfriend un happy to look at yourself for the reasons why. Rest assured that the vast majority of the time the reason that he is unhappy is his own personal problems, nothing to do with you. Happiness comes from within. If you find someone that is truly happy inside then you have found someone that can be happy with you. You need to stop putting the burden on your shoulders. It's unfair to you and will only lead to pain. Give yourself a break and quit being so hard on yourself. You are a wonderful woman with lots to give. And besides, quitting just means you have another chance to try again. Good luck, Jay
• Philippines
12 Nov 08
Hi Jay, thanks for soothing my bruised heart , your kind words mean so much too me. I am ok now, after a night of sleep, after thinking about the responses here (especially, skysuccess'), I've realized my tears, though weren't in vain, isn't worth it... I'll guess another chance will come very very later... God bless.
1 person likes this
@baileyq (68)
• Philippines
12 Nov 08
maple_kisses, please don't berate yourself. You are not blind, pathetic, or stupid. We only call ourselves that when things don't turn out the way we expected. You should be proud that you had the guts to turn your back on something that wasn't worth your while any more. Every experience is a learning experience. I don't think there is anyone out there who hasn't been hurt by the ones they love. Then again, that's the very reason why we get hurt. Many of us go through trials in relationships. Sometimes we quit, other times we stay. It depends on whether the person is worth hanging on to or not. As for all the pain you're feeling, remember, this, too, shall pass...
2 people like this
• Philippines
12 Nov 08
I really wish this will pass... quick. I don't need additional pain right now. Do you know I was very careful in that relationship? So that I wouldn't hurt in the end? Because I felt like I've wallowed in pain enough... But then, life is really funny... Thanks for the advice. God bless...
1 person likes this
@jazel_juan (15753)
• Philippines
12 Nov 08
Get over it, easier said than done though but you have to or else you find happiness...you are not pathetic, people really at times like thatt. Pray for enlightenment and strength.
2 people like this
• Philippines
12 Nov 08
Hi jazel-juan, a prayer is what I need to do right now to be comforted, thanks for reminding me that. People can be so funny you know, knowing that they can never be happy in a situation and yet they plunge into doing so.. Happy mylotting!
1 person likes this
@SaintAnne (5453)
• United States
13 Nov 08
If you really think that the relationship was going nowhere and that the guy wasn't man enough to tell you about the truth, then I don't think it's considered quitting. Sometimes, people don't even stop and think about their situation and how it has changed even if they are very much aware of it. I think being able to end things when they aren't going right is a brave thing to do. But then if we just give up for no reason at all, without even trying to find out the real truth and we just quit because we are afraid of what's to come and we'd rather have control over what could be, then, maybe it's something that we need to change. Sometimes, we are blinded by our fears and worries that we end up not really opening ourselves up to people who are willing to embrace us. Take care, maple_kisses.
• Philippines
13 Nov 08
[i]I'm afraid I never went into details dear. I mean, I told him how I felt, that i'm feeling the changes in him and after him confirmed it (see my comment in response #2), I didn't ask for an explanation. I let him go, just like that since according to him, there's nothing much to say. I admit I was afraid to face the reasons why he suddenly wants to stop the relationship and why he's suddenly cold. I guess I'm a brave and a coward in one huh? I really am a walking contradiction! Thanks for the eye-opener dear SaintAnne. May God bless your heart always... Hugs [/i]
1 person likes this
@SaintAnne (5453)
• United States
13 Nov 08
Yeah, I read it now. Well, if he said there's nothing much to say then there is no point in finding out what the reason was. You take care of yourself, maple_kisses. The time is almost near, huh? Nico will soon join you, that's more exciting!!!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
13 Nov 08
Yeah, it'll just be another set of heartbreak to find out. Well, in just about 2-3 weeks, Nico will be with Mommy, that's the main reason why I recovered from this heartbreak really quickly. I cannot mop around when I know my little angel is coming right? Thanks dear, hugs to you..
1 person likes this
• India
13 Nov 08
Have you read teh sayng that "winners never quit and quitters never win." If you have to win, never wuit. If you quit a relationship, it shows you are not serious about the relationship. You need to ive more commitment only then willit last. Why don't youfind a guy and get married? That way there will be a commitment. /don't feel miserabel and indulge in self pity. It never helps. You have to make a lot of adjustments to let a relationship work.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
13 Nov 08
Hi mercuryman3a, thanks for sharing your thoughts on the subject. I guess I'll never gonna win in this game called love since I always quit. Now that's a sad thought there. Let me tell you however that I was deadly serious. I love him very much you know; thus, I had to let him go for him to be happy. I was actually hoping the relationship will flourish into something that will end up in a lasting commitment. I guess I failed to make him happy... I hope he's happy right now though. Thanks for dropping by.. Happy mylotting!
1 person likes this
• Indonesia
13 Nov 08
i know how it felt, coz i was like that too b4. i called myself that time as a Sceptic person. i already gave up b4 i try, b4 i check if that sth was right or wrong, n i decide sth not based on the truth the logical reason, but just based on my stupid feelings at a time. i usually became so emotionally when i will have my period every once in a month, i marked that bad behaviour so i'll be more carefull when sth come to me while im so emotional. n there was some1 who made me realize that it was wrong, my bestmate in hi5. she made me realize that i shouldnt gave up for sth n decide sth too rush, or i will regret my decision. she told me that it was just my way to look for attention, attention ! n think that it was all bout me..yes,yes,yes..she was right ! now coz of her, i can face my day better coz ive realized my mistake n i wont do that again. i dont wanna be a skeptic person again, i really wanna grown up n be more mature in logically n emotionally..i dont wanna be a childhish person like that again =) hope it helps a bit maple_kiss it was just my experience, everything is back to u urself maple_kisses
1 person likes this
• Philippines
13 Nov 08
Hi shall17here, thanks for sharing your experience. I'm glad that you were able to learn from it and that it helped you grow into a matured person. I wanna let you know though that i wasn't really being skeptic about it. I never doubted, even once that the guy loves me, I know he does. But I can feel something has changed and he confirmed it (see my comment on response #2). But well, I'm moving on, I still love him but he's part of the past now... a beautiful past.
1 person likes this
@Bluepatch (2480)
• Trinidad And Tobago
12 Nov 08
You should pray for someone to love. I think that all this is not finding someone you truly need to be with. If you pray to God for a good life partner He will send you one.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
13 Nov 08
I did that years ago, and I got a drunkard, a gambler, a wife-beater and an irresponsible husband instead! Hehehe! But oh well, that's the past, I know God have reasons why I am suffering things right now, when I try hard to be a good person. But I guess it will take time as I'm still trying to know why these things happen . Thanks for dropping by Bluepatch..
1 person likes this
• Netherlands
12 Nov 08
Let's get one thing straight. You're not pathetic. This happens to everyone. If you only knew what I been though. The key is to keep your head up. One day you will find the person who really does care and love you. Do not worry about it. Go find your self esteem and self confidence and show the world who you really are. Don't think negative, this will only make things worse for you! Best wishes!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
13 Nov 08
I guess I was downright miserable yesterday when I post that. I'm fine now mdesigning, one has got to get enough sleep I guess . Well, I must admit it'll still hurt but I'm not about to go pessimistic about everything. I have more sense than that and my little angel needs me to be sober all the time, hehehe! Have a great day!
1 person likes this
@ambkeb (782)
• United States
12 Nov 08
I think we are a lot alike. Before I got with my husband I quit every "real" relationship I had. I tried to with my husband...more then once. But he wouldn't let me. We finally got married and even then I tried to quit the relationship. Still he MADE me stick with it. We've now been together for 5 years. You just have to find that one guy who won't let you quit on him. I do have to say though...I've traded quitting on relationships with quitting on everything else. LOL Nothing major...but business' stuff and online stuff. I can't seem to stick with anything even if it is starting work out.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
13 Nov 08
hahaha! You are funny ambkeb! Thanks for making me laugh. I'm just glad that I am not a quitter on other matters, just in the matters of the heart I guess. I am so affected with the sadness and pain I see in the other person that I tend to quit even if it means hurting myself. Anyways, I'm happy you found your husband. You're right, I need a guy who wouldn't let me quit on him. Have a great day!
1 person likes this