my life has all the drama i need

@alyssa_c (440)
Philippines
November 12, 2008 1:32am CST
Life surely is a box of chocolates. Mine, however, seemed to have been a boxful of, uhm, crap. (Can i say crap?) I really can't complain much about it though, because all my life I've been pampered with everything that I need, even if much of what I want weren't given to me right then and there. My parents wanted me learn the value of discipline early on, but somehow it never really got to me even up to now. I still spend an hour and a half in the bathroom, etc. That kind of stuff. I know what my priorities are (my mother keeps me reminded of it) but I think I'm just too darn lazy to grow up! I'm 24 years old now and I still go to my mother for help, especially when I lose something (turns out it's just underneath all the clutter on my desk). I suck at organization, I can't keep my things neat and orderly, I'm just plain immature! But then I couldn't blame anyone but myself for all this. I've been a consistent honor student from preschool to high school; college was difficult but I didn't fail a single subject. After that I took licensure exams locally and abroad and passed all of it. Throughout my life I've been so dependent on others to do stuffs for me, just so my job would be a lot easier to handle; even small things like making border details on a certain school project, or buying for me a colored ink at the last minute for a pen that should've been changed a long time ago. I wonder if I would've survived high school and college without my friends-with-benefits... I knew I could do it by myself but still I begged them to do it for me. I kind of think I couldn't make decisions on my own, either. My mother always complains that I don't anticipate things, and I should know anticipation. I work in a hospital, for cryin' out loud! Some might say my life is nothing compared to others', and to a point even I might agree to that. It's just for me the drama in all that I've been through was and is real to me. In some cases, it was even unbearable. Now, I'm in a relationship where I don't know where I stand. It's not a big surprise for a girl who has had failed relationships in the past but right now it's way too complicated. I'm now carrying his baby and he doesn't seem to want me or the kid. Well, he says differently but I could tell it's all lip service. He's not married in case your green mind is wondering, and no, there's no third party either. I just chose the wrong person, that's all. I wrote this down to lighten the load off my chest, even though I don't feel an ounce lighter. I also wanted to know what you think, maybe get an advise or two from you guys. And lastly, am I alone in all this drama? So what's your story?
1 response
nadooa247
@nadooa247 (1096)
• United States
12 Nov 08
For starters you at least admit to yourself that there is something not so perfect so that is a good thing. You just need to realize something that not everyone is perfect everyone has their issues, yours are certainly worse than someone else's don't you think? Also on the other hand someone else's is worse than you... It isn't your fault if he is giving you lip service about wanting to be there for you and your child. That's why it's a good idea to wait till you find that special someone before bringing a life into this world so such a situation would not arise. But it happened, you took part in the action that resulted in the pregnancy, all you can do now is try to make arrangements from not for the coming of this baby =) Save up, find out where you want to be and what not. Since you doubt whether he will be involved with this baby, don't set yourself up to be surprised if that were to happen. Do things as if you are going to be a single mom. Get things ready. By the way in some way or form everyone has depended on another for some sort of assistance. No i doubt the term friends with benefits befits what you are describing. Rather you were asking your friends to do what you say are small tasks. That is what a friend does, helps you with big and small things. Now there would be something wrong in that situation if someone asked you for assistance regardless if you could help or not you rejected them flat out. So, no you are not alone. Sometimes depending is much like trusting, i have depended on or trusted the wrong people several times over. With time i bring myself to understand that they are the ones that are doing wrong not me. Why? Because i know that i would never leave someone out in the cold. I depend on people at times to be my support at my time of need, i am usually the one doing the supporting so when i was the one needing the help... low and behold some people showed their true colors. I truly and honestly wish you the best. Since you know or feel that you have a problem now make the decision to try and put yourself in a better place. You deserve it and only you could do that.
alyssa_c
@alyssa_c (440)
• Philippines
12 Nov 08
You know, it's funny coz I constantly tell myself the same thing you just did. And that's what my family and friends have been telling me all these months. Right now I'm making the best of the situation. Yes, I've been saving up, trying to earn as much as I can, make my life better if not for me then for my baby. I'm actually very excited to being a new mom. I've been planning a lot of things that my baby and I would be doing very soon =) Expecting anymore from him is the last thing I'm doing right now. A lot of single moms could do it, so can I. A friend told me that maybe the father of my child is just confused with what to do for now. Hmmm... Okay, so maybe that is the case, but I won't be too hopeful on that. He's just all talk from the time we first found out I was pregnant. I'm just really happy I didn't listen to those who discouraged me about keeping the baby, because right now even my parents are excited despite the fact that they're furious with the guy. I still consider myself lucky though. I have my family and friends who all support me. Ultimately, this is still my life and mine alone to control. Yes, friends get to do things for you but in my case I ask them for everything! Seemingly small things, yes, but still it amounts to a lot of things. Well, I just wanted to point out my laziness in that area hehe I liked this line that you wrote "with time I bring myself to understand that they are the ones that are doing wrong not me." And I agree. You never really know people unless the rainy days come. Thank you for the advice. I needed to be reminded of that every now and then =)God bless!
nadooa247
@nadooa247 (1096)
• United States
12 Nov 08
It is good that you are keeping the baby, the baby didn't do anything wrong and as you said those most important to you your parents are excited for you =) By the way there is this thing like mother and baby insurance... It's called children's medicade i think.. here is a link that i was able to find http://www.chipmedicaid.org/cbo/HHSC_PerinatalBrochENG.pdf Since the information is PDF you could save it and read it at your leisure =) A friend told me about this i thought to pass the info on to you =) Awe... lol see you are smart you agree with me lol ok ok just joking around lol... you are smart either way =P Well take great care and hope this helped a bit ;)