My 17 year old Neice is doing drugs, what do I do?

United States
November 12, 2008 1:16pm CST
My 17 year old neice is hanging out with the wrong people. the bad thing about it is the person she is hanging out with is a friend of the family (older friend) . We never approved of her life style but still loved her as a person. My neice has grown up with her children since she could walk and talk and now that she is almost 18 our friend of the family is turning her out to so many different things. I live way in California and my neice is in the Midwest. I feel so hopeless because I hear terrible things about what she is doing, like drugs being one of them. I know if I was there this would not be going on when I talk to her she tells me shes ok and she's going to school and working, trying to do good but then I get reports from others on her behavor. She grew up knowing right from wrong, with insilled religion, morals and ethics I just don't understand why she has turned a 360... again I feel out of touch being so far away, and many times I've attempted to buy a plane ticket to woop some sense in her but thought that would push her further away...should I write her to tellher how I feel what do I do I love her so much,like she was my child, and I support her buy her clothes and anything she needs... I just need to know what to do to get her to stop. Pls Help :(
2 responses
@Ravenladyj (22936)
• United States
12 Nov 08
I know if I was there this would not be going on when I talk to her she tells me shes ok and she's going to school and working, trying to do good but then I get reports from others on her behavor. I hate to tell you this but even if you WERE there the chances that she'd be doing it is still very high...Dont fool yourself..(no offence by any means). Of course she tells you she is doign okay..Why? Because #1 she doesnt want to be lectured and #2 she probably doesnt want to worry you (assuming you are/were close) and #3 she at some level is embarrassed.. She grew up knowing right from wrong, with insilled religion, morals and ethics I just don't understand why she has turned a 360 Much like most of us who've been there, SOMETHING obviously has set her off...and that "something" could be one in a million different things from feeling sheltered and that she missed out growing up to something that may have happened that nobody knows about to low self esteem combined with major peer pressure... What can you do to get her to stop? NOTHING..Sorry but she wont stop until she is either damn well good and ready to OR she hits a rock bottom..What you and the rest of the family CAN DO however is let her know regularly that she is loved, you are there for her to talk to should she want or need to and that you WILL LISTEN WITH AN OPEN MIND and WILL HEAR what she has to say without putting her down, telling her she is being silly or is wrong etc etc....You (all of you) can also let her know that as much as you love her and will be there for her you will NOT be her doormat and there ARE limitations as to how much nonsense you'll all put up with...
• United States
13 Nov 08
Your so right, but its much easier said than done especially when shes just a baby, she has a part of me... But I will need to do what you said and just be there. I mean the durgs she is doing that I know of is Marijuna but that can lead to something much stronger in the future. But I will always be there for her even when she hits rock bottom or decide she wants something better in Life Thanks for responding
@shell94 (990)
• Canada
12 Nov 08
Talking to her will never hurt anything and may put a thought in her head that will make her realize the harm she is doing to herself. How close of a relationship do you have? If it is close she will be more apt to take what you say to heart, even if it is just a small part of what you say, every little bit will help her to overcome the demons that she is struggling with at this time. Try not to be judgmental when you talk to her even if you disapprove of her lifestyle. Disapproval will only drive her further away and make the problem that you are trying to resolve even harder to do. I hope this helps you some, I know what it is like to have someone that you love and care about hit the wrong side of the tracks, BUT they can be brought back. My family member did return to the right side, mind you it did not happen over night, but it DID happen and that is what counts!!!
• United States
13 Nov 08
Yes I agree the best thing for me to do is just love her as much as I can and show her that I will be there not matter what to support her. I try to talk to her without chestizing her, its just so hard I've been around her since she was a baby and it seems I am the only one she listens to but I feel If I was back there with her maybe I could guide her better, you know that someone who is there all the time taking her places with me, taking her out of that enviornment thanks for responding :o)