What Do You Prefer...Marriage or Live In???

Marriage - Marriage or Live in?
Philippines
November 13, 2008 4:38am CST
All my life i dreamed to get married in the church. Having a complete and happy family. I never thought that this dreams, will never come true. After my separation with my xhusband, i really regret of getting married. Means, i dont prefer MARRIAGE if only i could turn back time i will surely decide to just be with him by means of LIVE IN. I guess, it is okay to have kids and not get married so that when things get complicated and we need to separate, then, there is no problem to be with someone who you think is the right person for you. My marriage paper is just a problem with me now to be with someone....
3 people like this
27 responses
@laydee (12809)
• Philippines
13 Nov 08
I'd still prefer marriage. Yes, marriage does seem to be all paper. But there's a psychology behind it too. The mere fact that once you get married you know there's no easy way to get out of it, simply tells you that you should be sure of what you're doing the first time around. There's an effort for both, and if both didn't act on it out of fantasy and wasn't overshadowed with emotions, then it would actually work out. On the other hand, Living in or common law (as most say) may prove to be advantageous from afar (based on the ease of separation afterwards) but it doesn't really prove to be more lasting in the end. Why? 1. Living in with someone is as easy as courtship because both know that if ever someone or either one would want out, they could pack their bags and leave anytime. Patience and adjusting to someone won't happen because you know that if the person f*ck's up, you can leave. So what happens during the 'rough roads' of partnership? Well, you could easily find your own path and could call it quits without working hard to patch it up. In contrast, when you're married. You know that it's for life. So you try to adjust knowing that there's no way (easy way that is) to leave this person. It's like having a family, you can't leave your family when there's trouble, regardless what you do, they'll always be family. In marriage, regardless what you do, you can't escape marriage so might as well try your best to make it work. But of course, this would only work out if both are willing to work on it too, provided they started things right and not just starry eyed in love. 2. Living in would actually entail more insecurity for the other. Mostly the women, you'd never know if the guy would ever find someone better than you and you know if he does find someone he could easily throw a lot of years together in the trash bin. In contrast, when the guy is married. When he wasn't forced to be married in the first place. When he wholeheartedly asked for your hand in marriage, went all through the trouble asking for your hand and showed the world that you commit to this person. Then it's quite hard to look around to find someone. Well, it doesn't really prove that the person won't cheat, but having gone through all those traditions won't just let someone look for others if there wasn't really something wrong with partner in the first place. It takes two to tango. 3. Well, I've seen a lot of people saying 'I have 3 children from my first partner, 2 from my second, 1 from my ex, now 1 more from another one' Well, this only shows how people have grown impatient with relationships. You know what, it's easier to do this when you're not married and just living in. Anyhow, I have more to say about the stuff. But it boils down to one thing you cannot control the person, married or not if he's not for you, then it won't work out. But regardless the choice of people, try not to allow yourself to be contented with the scraps of love a person gives. Everyone deserves the best. Which simply means, let the person work for your love, let him work hard for your worth. And what could be better than he working hard to marry you. Sacrificing his freedom and his life of singleness to be with you. and most importantly, he decided on it, and it wasn't only your decision. And also, please try to have pity on your kids. Don't let them go through different husbands or partners. They deserve a good dad. Someone who, if possible are their own. Hey, by the way, this goes out to all the people who read this, it's not directed to the author alone whatsoever. So there you go. I still prefer Marriage. I'm not eyeing for a big wedding. I'm preferring Him and Me, in God's presence. Promising to do our d@mn best to make it work.
2 people like this
• Philippines
13 Nov 08
thanks for the tips and sharing your thoughts. it will help to all who can read this.
@Kmarie923 (875)
• United States
13 Nov 08
I currently live with my boyfriend but we have plans to get married, just not in the near future. We are only boyfriend and girlfriend instead of fiance. I would rather be married though just to make it official. If he is willing to marry me, then I know that it is for real and not just a temporary thing.
2 people like this
• Philippines
13 Nov 08
I just hope that when you decided to get married in the future, then be sure to hold on it no matter what happened and no matter how pain strikes you. Be sure also that the guy and you love each other soooo much... Trust and respect each other that is very important...
1 person likes this
@zhaychel (610)
• United Arab Emirates
13 Nov 08
I prefer marriage because there's a negative image for living in of partners especially in a conservative country like the Philippines. They say its better to live in with your partner to really know who they are. But I'm not into that because if you're really compatible with each other even marriage will not break you apart. ^^,
1 person likes this
• Philippines
13 Nov 08
Thats true. Maybe, my xhusband is not really the right guy for me. I admit, it was my mistake... But i cant turn back time already.
@jdyrj777 (6542)
• United States
14 Nov 08
I have done both and now at 52yrs i believe i like being alone best. Great to have a lover that lives some where else. You dont have to put up with a bunch of crap. I even found out a few years ago that by law unless i write a will that says my children get everything they will call my ex and he will get everything i own. Even if he has remarried. So its a mistake in my eyes to ever get married in the first place. Theres no garentee that it will last a lifetime anyway.
• Canada
14 Nov 08
I would have to agree with Howardskip on this one. You should definately live with someone before you decide to make the marriage decision. I know so many of my friends who found Mr. Right, only to regret ever dating them once they were introduced to him in his comfort zone. I have been with my fiance for 10 years, engaged and living together for 6 years, and we have two awesome boys together, ages 3 and 5. A piece of paper isn't going to change what we have, i think that nowadays people percieve marriage as a beautiful white dress and an awesome after party and don't realize the complications that go along with it. So the least you can do before taking such a huge step is live with the person and truly get to know what they are like before getting married. Don't rush.
1 person likes this
@tryxiness (4548)
• Philippines
14 Nov 08
I have a friend who also has a problem with her marriage paper. She could not marry the guy she love after her first husband abandoned her for someone. Anyways, I guess, I feel like living in is just fine. It helps you gauge your partner. I can not answer you that Living in would have been better, because different issues also arise from this kind of set-up. I wish one day, if I were to marry someone, he would be the last guy.
1 person likes this
@lishiwei (1551)
• China
14 Nov 08
I think there is no wrong with you.If you want to have a marriage you also can do that!I think that's really very important for the woman if who want to live with the other!
1 person likes this
@jencai (3415)
• Philippines
14 Nov 08
In my case, I might not want to be in a live-in situation. For sure, it would not require commitment because you're not committed to each other but I know that this kind of relationship is also complicated just like as being married. I wanted to get married to a person whom I really love and who would love me the same way. I know that there lots of ups and downs in every relationship. Maybe we just have to trust our partner. I'm sure there's a reason why it happens to you. God has a better idea for you and that you just have to learn something from your past relationship.
1 person likes this
@robert19ph (4584)
• Philippines
14 Nov 08
Hello Gwapako_28, Getting into marriage life is really a decision that needs a lot of thinking. For it's an act that you must be prepared, serious and no matter what you're ready for everything. Have a lot of adjustments from both parties but eventually you'll learned from it. Just need to be open to each other, a lot of understanding, patience, respect and most of all love. For me, I prefer of marriage than live in for a lot of reasons but most of all I want my family to be legal in all aspects. Dealing with it has no problem at all for I love my life now. So sorry that it did not work out so well for you to your first marriage. Indeed, it's a relationship that like a gamble thing, some are lucky others are not.
• Singapore
14 Nov 08
I will prefer LIVE IN. Marriage is the end of my life. No more freedom at all. LIVE IN at least we still can be like usual waht we are now.
1 person likes this
@Yori88 (1468)
• Philippines
14 Nov 08
What happened to me is the exact opposite of what I dreamt to be before. I wanted as well to get married in church and have kids at age 28 or above. But now, I got married at early 20's through civil wedding and had a month and a half month old son. To my surprise I don't have any regrets. I'm so happy and contented because I and my husband love each other so much. I must say that he had an ex-wife but that was before and they became good friends before we entered marriage. We even lived together for almost a year before getting married. For me LIVE IN should come first before marriage because you need to know how your partner behaves at home. What I mean is, this is the stage of getting to know more about each other and serves as a preparation stage too. It will also strengthen the bond between you and your partner. I've heard a lot of stories about one's partner changed-attitude after getting married. So it's better to live together first so that you can prepare yourself to a married life. The only difference of live in and marriage without live in first is marriage contract. The good thing about it is the easiness of getting out of the relationship in case reconciliation does not longer work. Once your married, it will be more complicated to clean up the mess done by marriage contract papers.
1 person likes this
• India
14 Nov 08
I am strictly against Live In relationship,it is in fact no relationship at all,because it shows that we dont trust our partner fully,we always prefer to keep an excuse to separate from the other person,and it should be always remembered that relationship is all about trust and nothing else.Yes its necessary that before marrying we should know the girl/boy to whome we are marrying,but its not necessary that we should go in live in relationship,we can know him/her but meeting with him/her for long time.we should keep patince and test each other in every manner because no one can hide his/her real nature for long time.and after some time when we know and trust each other fully then we should marry.by the way its my thinking in that matter,i am a person who alaways belive in my values and principle,and moreover I don,t belive in short term relationship,it is very necessary for me that my partner would be pious person like me.
1 person likes this
@Shar1979 (2723)
• United States
14 Nov 08
I am from the Philippines too and I had never thought of marrying first as there's no divorce in PH. I can not afford an annulment as well and I dont wanna have problem once marriage fails. I prefer live in before marriage. Coz you'll be able to live in one room and know more of your partner.
1 person likes this
@se7enthbird (8322)
• Philippines
14 Nov 08
i lived in with my partner for three to four years before we decided to get married. i can say that is a good way to see if you can get along together or not than getting married at once. now we have a son who is two years old and we are happily married as well. i speak from my experience and i can say that it is better to live in first than to get married at once.
1 person likes this
• China
14 Nov 08
to be or not to be, that is a question... different people hold different value of life actually, and what i can comment here is that just follow your heart! people live for his own value instead of for others... cheer up, enjoy your life, good luck!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
14 Nov 08
for me MARRIAGE is the most memorable moment in our lives.. you should very careful of deciding for marriage b'coz marriage is not quite easy and then that is the time that you both promise to love each other.Also when you choose a person,choose carefully because now a days their are few people that are very faithful and responsible to your relationship and willing to love you back w/ all his heart. -charm
1 person likes this
@robinemz (211)
• Philippines
14 Nov 08
here in the philippines, i noticed that a lot of couples are living-in because they don't have the money to spend for a wedding. although this is happening, the church (since it's a chirtian country) is against this. i personally believe though that it is okay to live in together for a couple of months to a year just to really know your partner because sometimes you just wouldn't know your partner's real attitude until you live in one house.
@DWSMOMMY (55)
• United States
14 Nov 08
I prefer marriage. I am married and it is good to know that I will always have medical and dental insurance as long as we are married. I am a stay at home mom so if I was single I could not do this.
1 person likes this
@katrhina23 (1282)
• United States
13 Nov 08
marriage is soemthing you could hold on to. I still prefer marriage especially when we have children. I just dont want my kids to have parents that are out of wedlock. I just feel like I would have a good family if I am married.
@nimnim74 (251)
• Philippines
13 Nov 08
I have a happy marriage, so I prefer marriage because living in Gods teaching in our church is a sin. I am still traditional so this is my point of view. I guess in terms with your marriage papers probably you can file for annulment.
1 person likes this