Its nice to make friends but.........

India
November 14, 2008 10:12am CST
gradually you realise very few of them are your real ones. With others you have had enough. I won't call it a bad experience but certainly you would be happier without. Have you ever felt like this? Like breaking free.... having some space for yourself? I have done a couple of stupid things to get my space back. What have you done? Do you bluntly announce that you dont want him/her? That he/she should leave you alone? Or, you start hiding/avoiding the person? What is the best way to do it without hurting other person's feelings? Or, worse........ are you the your friend wants to get rid of? How to know that?
3 people like this
12 responses
@23uday (2998)
• India
14 Nov 08
Hi frnds, Its nice to make frnds but... I will make frnds and i am having so many frnds from my childhood days frnds to college days frnds.I am making a habbit of new frnds.I will always helping nature to my frnds but some of my frnds were they will not talk properly and try to avoids me when i met them only few frnds like that maximum my frnds were nice frnds. But i never feel that if he avoids me nothing will happen to me i have some more frnds they helping nature frnds.
2 people like this
• India
15 Nov 08
Yes 23uday friends are always what they are- nice. But sometimes we take an acqaintance to be our friend and the feeling may not be mutual.Friends who dont talk properly and dont care, can stay away. You dont need them and its better they avoid you and save you from hurt. Its nice to know that maximum of your friends are good.
• United States
14 Nov 08
i use one rule that i actually learned from one of my best friends, and thats i dont keep people in my life that i cant learn from to become a better person, or that i cant teach and help them become a better person. If they dont fall into those two catagories i am blunt and say they are liars, who use words to try and get what they want, if they are sincere and have knowledge and experience you will benefit, if they change, and absorb your knowledge and use it constructivly you will see it, its simple, if they dont do either, peace out, not worth my time.
2 people like this
• India
14 Nov 08
Your frank and no nonsense attitude is worth appreciation. In this world where nothing is what it looks, people like you, though not preferred by some, are a refreshing change. i see your point. It saves a lot of hassles and pain too ultimately. Thanks JulianaRose. Thumbs down for hypocrisy. You rock friend. I wish i could do that.
1 person likes this
@balasri (26549)
• India
16 Nov 08
Friends come in all kinds of hues and temperaments.It really takes considerable time to know what kind of a person your friend is.Is he a real open minded one,a jealous one or have some personal axe to grind etc.Each one of them go through a testing period without it being announced.And few survive our test and taste and a few wither away by themselves.These things happen by themselves,We need not be blunt and shoo them away anymore.
1 person likes this
• India
16 Nov 08
Thats right. So true balasri. With open minded ones,the testing period is usually less as you can see right through them. The others wither away without causing hurt or getting hurt by following the way you have mentioned. I get to learn so much from my wise and positive friends here. Thanks for sharing your good views.
@balasri (26549)
• India
21 Nov 08
It is always a pleasure sharing thoughts with a good friend like you.
@suzzy3 (8352)
15 Nov 08
I know exactly what you mean I have some really good friends who I treasure, but not as many as I used to have. I spoke to this girl at the school when i was picking my son up and she seemed nice. I asked her to come for a cuppa one afternoon and she did everyday for weeks. No matter what I said or did she turned up every afternoon,she told me all her problems and boy did she have some, I would help anyone,but she was one of those.In the end I went out and took a cleaning job at that time of day. then she tried to come round after school when my husband came home,in the end he came home one night and started a pretend row and I obliged and in the end she took the hint and I never really did see her again.Some people just don't under stand what having a friend is , we see each other when our husbands are at work and we all understand that, my husband has three weeks off in the summer holidays and we go away so I might ring my special friends a ew times and they contact me by phone. it is the rules but after all that is over we get back for our outings and tea and coffee days.
• India
16 Nov 08
I have seen someone exactly like your friend. Not my friend but my parents'. Dropping in at anytime she felt like and never left in less than a couple of hours. I mean it was soooooooo .....difficult to make her see that. I was in my early teens then and She too had a daughter of same age as mine whom she would bring along with her. The girl was so short tempered and spoilt. I used to be in tears verytime they left. LOL. I can laught at it now but it was a torture then.
• Philippines
15 Nov 08
i always felt that way maybe that is the reason why i don't have friends because i am afraid to have one...i met lots of people in my life upon growing up and almost all that i met are the bad ones on which they be-friend you for a reason..for their own benefits.. i learned to stay away, as so just to say i live on my own right now...hang around by myself...i am scared now because i just had those people whom i considered friends who just used me up...for money..for whatsoever name it..that is why whenever someone is being nice i just stay civil and wont stay close... whenever i feel like i don't like the person i just avoid them and hide..sometimes i can be blunt and tell them so if they wont stop acting stupid..
1 person likes this
• India
15 Nov 08
Sometimes we all feel that we are not lucky enough. As in your case its with friends. But I would like to tell you that there are good people around.Many of them. Trust me. Trust in goodness. Its just a matter of time. You will be gifted with real good friends. You are careful and that is good. I am trying to be so too.
• India
15 Nov 08
Dear friend, It is graet to make friends....but you should notexpect anything from them....if you expect something from them then it is going to be a failure in your friendship and you should always keep this in mind and make friends......." All are my friends...but some are very close...."
1 person likes this
• India
15 Nov 08
I don't 'expect' anything as such. But trust and warmth should be there.
@katrhina23 (1282)
• United States
15 Nov 08
I do have some "friends" that I got rid of. We used to stay in the same house because we want to save money. She was such a darling at first but eventually she became different. Hiding her activities from me, she would make us (there's another friend that stayed with us ) look stupid by her not telling us her whereabouts, and a lot of things that made us really upset. I avoided her, deleted her from my friendster account, never went to parties where I know she'll be there, and made it a point that I wont see her at work . It hurt me when she did something that is really unacceptable. Even if we talked about what happened, she said she's sorry, I just can't regain the friendship anymore.
1 person likes this
• India
15 Nov 08
Hi katrhina, sorry about that. It is painful,isn't it. When a precious friendship goes all wrong. Never mind. Here's wishing you many good friends
@sharra1 (6341)
• Australia
15 Nov 08
I tend to think of people as acquaintances who may become friends. I have very few real friends and I do not trust easily. I make friends with people on two levels. One is on the surface where we just have fun etc but no serious stuff. To be a real friend means trusting with the inner core and very few have ever had that level of trust. The reason being I think was that my trust was betrayed once. Now I trust people who have earned it and I keep very few secrets. After all if people know who I am and what I believe in then they cannot betray something that is public knowledge. I have never bluntly told someone that I did not want to be friends I just did not choose to mix with them. Most of my friends were really work associates. I do not think I have ever had a friend that lasted for years. I have spent most of my life as a loner.
1 person likes this
• India
15 Nov 08
Hi sharra1, its a pleasure to see you here. Being careful while making friends is a wise thing to do. But often i don't realise it and suddenly I notice I have one more friend. Is it a good thing or not a good thing?? Well it could be either. So its here where your words are of great value because then no question of it turning out to be a bad experience. You were betrayed and this betrayal made you so wise. We must learn from our mistakes. Alas!! Mostly we have friends of the first level kind. We just have fun, share our meals, go out etc. The second level of friendship is rare. But people do have them. Fortunate ones, I mean. I hope you....me....we.... all get lucky and find true friends.
1 person likes this
@drannhh (15235)
• United States
15 Nov 08
Here on myLot that is more of an issue than in real life, but that is one of the things I am always reminding my myLot friends -- to be careful about giving out too much personal information. It is better to go slowly into relationships, I think, and the less strangers know about us the better.
1 person likes this
• India
15 Nov 08
My goodness drannhh!! What are you? A mind reader or what? What a piercing penetrating sight you have? Wow!! Never thought it that way. So right you could be for many, you wise soul! I'm glad you are my friend. A tight biiiiiiig hug to my friend
@Opal26 (17690)
• United States
15 Nov 08
Hi daffodil! I just love your name and the flower too! What is this about your friends? You will find as you get older that your true friends will be fewer and fewer and that is a good thing. If you can count your real friends on one hand then you are lucky! I have had to cut a very close friend of mine out of my life and it wasn't easy. She was my best friend for 45 years! Yes! It is a long story, but it had to be done! I had told her over and over that she was not a nice person and that I was tired of her abusive behavior and that I wasn't going to accept it anymore. She didn't believe me so I had to cut her out of my life. It took awhile for her to realize that I meant it! She was my best friend since we were 10 years old so this wasn't an easy thing. She wanted me to get my life together and when I did she didn't like the fact that she could no longer put me down and I would take her crap. So you see sometimes things happen and you just have to do what you feel is best for you. I do not miss her miserable self in my life. I know that I did the right thing for me and I know that she hasn't changed and will never change. People don't like her and have told her and she still won't change. If someone doesn't like me they can do the same thing and I too will get over it!
1 person likes this
• India
15 Nov 08
Hi Opal! Thanks. Nothing much. Just wanted to know if in case the need arises. A few wise and experienced people's views could help me solve it in a gentle manner. I am sorry for the breakup with your friend. But I feel you are better done away with someone who was abusive in her behaviour. I know someone who is exactly like your friend. What amazes me that even after knowing very well that they should atleast try to become a better person, still they don't care.They fail to see that its going to do so much good to them than anyone else. You were with her since the age of ten. It's sad though.
• Philippines
14 Nov 08
it's really nice having a lot of friends. specially those real one..but in todays time..friends are few to be chosen. Some friends only needs you when they need your help. Some friends took you advantages. I don't want to hurt anyone that's why i'm making way to avoid such friends which doesn't deserve my attention.
• India
15 Nov 08
Nice name worldbestwriter. Glad to meet you here. You know very well what friendship is all about and how to avoid making friends with those who are not actually. Full of wisdom you are.
@katsmeow1213 (28926)
• United States
14 Nov 08
Usually when I break off a friendship, it's gradual, I just stop speaking to them, stop calling them. I may still accept their calls, but eventually they'll stop calling as well since I never return the calls. I don't think I've ever flat out told anyone I didn't want to be their friend anymore, but there have been people that I knew I didn't want to be friends with anymore, and we just gradually stopped speaking or lost touch.
1 person likes this
• India
15 Nov 08
You know the way how it should be katsmeow. This way we save both of us from outright hurt and sense of rejection. I dread this happenning to me and hate doing this to anyone deliberately.