Are you a good listener?
By Barb42
@Barb42 (4214)
United States
November 21, 2008 11:08pm CST
When someone is talking to me, I like to pay attention to just them. And it bothers me when someone else butts in and starts talking. And, my worse pet peeve is when I'm trying to talk to someone about something and someone else comes up and just goes to talking about something else entirely different to that person. That makes the other person stop paying attention to our conversation. To me, this is rude on both parties. I have tried starting up the conversation again, only to have the other person butt in again. So I just sat back and listened. One of these days, I'm going to have the courage to tell the people responsible that it's rude to butt in on a conversation and control the discussion with what they want to say rather than waiting until the conversation is over. Or, perhaps I'll just get up and leave or walk away. I think people need to learn to be a little more considerate of others. What would you do in that situation?
4 people like this
16 responses
@Rainsborough (24)
•
23 Nov 08
I agree, people do need to pay more attention to those they are communicating with. having said this though; you can't really expect someone to sit there while you pore out all your troubles to them. That's what bartenders are for.
@Barb42 (4214)
• United States
23 Nov 08
That's funny that you would say that. I might be talking about just anything, not troubles. We might be discussing something among a bunch of us. Everybody talks, and when I'm talking, others interrupt and don't pay a bit of attention to what I'm saying. It angers me! But, you let someone talk about their troubles, and I listen, like I really want to hear. I understand they need someone to listen, so I'm there. Why can't they do the same for me or others that they interrupt?
1 person likes this
@Rainsborough (24)
•
23 Nov 08
I don't know. Personally I try and give people what they need to the extent my charity allows and simply hope they reciprocate.
@srganesh (6340)
• India
22 Nov 08
I think,when you want to give more attention to somebody,you have to get rid of you pet somewhere.About other human intrusions,it might not have occured if you have the practise of giving oppointments.You can have your focus on one by one.If it is your residence place,then you two can move out to a lonely place where you will not be disturbed.
@Barb42 (4214)
• United States
22 Nov 08
I'm not talking about appointments in an office or anything like that. I'm talking about in a social setting where everyone knows everyone,maybe a church gathering. You are talking to someone privately and someone just walks up and starts talking to the other person and they pay attention that person rather than to you and what you both were talking about. It's very annoying! When I'm at my own home, I never have anyone around that isn't used to being quiet and listening to whomever is doing the talking. We take turns. 
But everyone is not that way in other settings.
But everyone is not that way in other settings.
@rebecca7783 (123)
• India
22 Nov 08
correct.... it is in public that your listening and speaking skill comes out. if you keep interrupting other speakers then you are not at all a good listener. there is a saying :" Listen before you speak" and i think we all should obey that...
@RebeccaLynn (2256)
• United States
22 Nov 08
You should have said something. I have a friend that has a bad habit of talking to me and then in the middle of the conversation, she'll start another conversation on her cell phone. Either talking or texting, like she doesn't have the time for one conversation a time.
I hung up on her yesterday and I'm not calling her back. She can call me if she wants to talk to me. But the second she starts in with the cell phone again, I'm hanging up.
You're right. It's very rude. You should say something or walk away.
@Barb42 (4214)
• United States
22 Nov 08
She was talking to you on the phone and then started talking or texting on her cell phone? THAT is very rude. I wouldn't call her back, either. Maybe, after you hang up on her a few times, she'll realize what she's doing. But I doubt it. I often wonder if people even realize what they are doing anymore! They live such fast lives that they have to be texting or talking all the time!
@Nhey16 (2518)
• Philippines
23 Nov 08
i agree with you, i, too, am very annoyed when im talking to someone, then somebody would butt in with different topics...
there are times, i just keep silent.
but since i've two kids and at times it happens to us, i do tell my kids that it isnt good to butt in. i always remind them that whenever one of us is talking we have to excuse if it's really important, but if it's not that important, they have to let the one talking to finish the sentence.
@Barb42 (4214)
• United States
25 Nov 08
It's good that you are teaching your children manners. I believe that is what is wrong with some of these people who don't have the respect for others and keep butting in on conversations instead of waiting to talk. They weren't taught how disrespectful that is when they were young.
@ant999 (9)
• Philippines
24 Nov 08
Well, I learned the value of listening to other people. I some cases it is more profitable to listen that to talk. You will learn knowledge, principles and a lot of things from listining to experts.
Sometimes friend with problem need somebody to whom they can express their concern and problem, not necessary to solicit solution. As a listener, in many cases, can uplift one's spirit.
@Barb42 (4214)
• United States
25 Nov 08
I believe you can learn lots about people themselves by just listening. And I agree about friends sometimes needing an ear to listen. I've been that ear lots of times, just listening and not saying much other than answering a question or giving advice only if they ask. I try and treat others the way I'd love to be treated.
@alokn99 (5717)
• India
25 Nov 08
The art of being a good communicator is to listen well. I try and can be very patient when it comes to listening to people. There are time that i may butt in to put across my point of view but those have times have been few. The important thing is that i have immediately recognised the fact that i am butting in and interferring with the thought process of the person.
@ag_abscruzmd (2283)
• United States
23 Nov 08
Hi! I believe that in order to be a good discussant, one should be a good listener first. That's how conversation works, a healthy exchange. I think I am a good listener because I am interested in what other people have to say. In return, I would love for others to listen to what I have to say. Yes, it is indeed rude to just butt in between people who are conversing. It is like walking aimlessly hitting everyone else along the way. It would definitely bother the person who was presently talking and breaks the flow of what could have been a healthy exchange. If I were in your position, I will tell this person, "It would be much better next time to not get in between the conversation", or something to that effect. In my opinion, that person has to know that it is impolite, and that would also help him/her from committing the same mistake next time.
Happy myLotting!
@ch88ss (2271)
• United States
25 Nov 08
I have the same problem. Since I always try to make sure not to interrupt somebody else's conversation, I really, really hate it when somebody just walks up and expects that we will stop what we are doing and listen to them now.
I don't have the courage yet because they are people I work with, but when this happens. I just quietly walk away and do something else and when they come back to me, I pretend I am busy.
@icegermany (2524)
• India
22 Nov 08
i dont think that i am a good listener, i always keep thinking something and if someone tells me something at that time i would be blank and ask what was the thing they told it. and sometimes if i am listening to something also it happens that i would suddenly think somethingelse and then again the same question. it use to happen in my classes also when i use to study and i use to ask for from my friends or read through to know about it. and this way sometimes my mind flutter around.
@MizzLadyB08 (1174)
• United States
24 Nov 08
I try to be a good listener but it is hard especially if the person you are talking to is talking about nothing in particular. I let things distract me while I am on the phone so I may not even hear what half of the person is saying on the phone.
@wanyit (59)
• Malaysia
22 Nov 08
I believe that I'm a good listener. I'm sure I will pay attention when someone is talking to me. Unless I'm doing something very urgent so I cannot concentrate on what you saying, then I may request for 5 minutes time for me to finish the urgent tasks. I dislike a person who doesn't pay attention when I'm talking with. I feel that is impolite attitude!
@Barb42 (4214)
• United States
22 Nov 08
I can understand that. But my problem is with people you are talking with that aren't busy. But, if someone else happens to walk up and start talking, they forget that you are having a conversation with them, and just turn and start talking to someone else. It's very rude and really bothers me.
@rebecca7783 (123)
• India
22 Nov 08
hey i am a very good listener. it is said that if you are a rare speaker then you are a good listener and so am i. i like to listen to people speaking rather than blabber myself. whether in my family or with friends my am the famous dumber ever. earlier i felt bad but now i am used to this habit. after all thats me and i cant change...!!!
@Barb42 (4214)
• United States
22 Nov 08
I believe you have to be taught manners when we are young. And one of those is to be respectful of others and that means keeping your mouth shut when someone else is talking. I remember hearing when I was young, 'only speak when you are spoken to'. I used to go everywhere with my mother and I learned to be quiet when adults were talking. But apparently lots of people never learned the art of listening. They want you to listen to them, but when it comes your time to talk, what you have to say is often not worthy of them listening.
@katsmeow1213 (28717)
• United States
22 Nov 08
I've never spoken up about the rudeness of it. Sometimes I'll just sit and listen, but not really be part of the conversation. Sometimes I'll try to be a part of the conversation. And sometimes I'll just walk away. It depends on the situation I guess, and if they are attempting to include me.
But usually if I'm in a conversation and someone else comes up to us, if they don't speak right away I'll stop and allow them to say what they need to. You don't really know if it's going to be important or not.
