Why do people have to be so mean?

@tklich (391)
United States
November 26, 2008 9:41pm CST
Does anyone have experiences with people that are just mean? A few years ago I was very close friends with someone. Or so I thought we were friends. It wasn't until after several years of "friendship" that I figured out she wasn't a friend at all. She had been talking about me behind my back and spreading rumors about me. They weren't just harmless rumors either, these rumors actually affected my life, and are STILL affecting my life and it's been 4 years! I got pregnant when I was 18 and gave birth to my son when I was 19. The father freaked and split before I even gave birth, but he was around off and on for a little bit. She actually told lies to him and his family about me, about how I didn't want them in my life, and she would come talk about them with me, then turn around and go tell them what I said then talk about me to them. There's so much more to the story, I don't even know all of it!! But I just recently found out that family that my son doesn't even know thinks I don't want anything to do with them, all because of stuff my "friend" had told them. Why do people have to do stuff like this? Are they just begging for attention? I often thought she was jealous of me, and afraid I was going to be happier than her. I think that she didn't want to see me and my son's father end up getting back together and "living happily ever after", or so to speak. Because at this point in time, she was far from that. And now that I look back at it, she always had to be the one with everything going for her. Do you know people that are really like this? I'd like to hear what you all think about this, if you know people like that and why you think people are just mean.
3 people like this
13 responses
@mssnow (9493)
• United States
27 Nov 08
I heard a saying once that people who are mean to you are just jealous of what you have. So maybe thats her problem. I had someone be mean to me teh other day. thank goodness it was online i just put them on ignore. didnt stoop to there level
2 people like this
• United States
27 Nov 08
its nice when they are on line that means you really don't have to bother with them if you don't want to
1 person likes this
@tklich (391)
• United States
28 Nov 08
Thank you for the response! I agree with you and I think jealousy has a lot to do with it. I know everyone gets jealous, but why should it bring you to do such cruel things? If you're jealous of someone, do something about it. I don't mean do cruel things, they need to do something to change their life to be happier about who they are and what they have.
@messageme (2821)
• United States
27 Nov 08
Yeah, I knew someone just like that. She wasn't happy unless there was drama! I think it has to do with a jealousy thing and trying to make it look like her life is just so much better, when in all actuality her life is nothing, but lies and cruilty.
2 people like this
@tklich (391)
• United States
28 Nov 08
Thank you for the response! I can't believe there are really these kinds of people out there - wouldn't you think they'd actually be very miserable instead of happy?! I hate it if there's too much drama going on around me. I get so sick of it I just want to forget it all and just move on.
@messageme (2821)
• United States
28 Nov 08
Yea Im the same way as you, but saddly there are those people are not just happy unless there is drama.
• United States
27 Nov 08
I've known many people like this during my lifetime. I actually met someone my freshman year of college which was about 3 years or so ago that seemed like a pretty nice person. We started talking and hanging out and doing things together and we noticed this attitude slowly start to emerge and none of us could figure out what the deal was. Before we knew it, we were constantly getting an attitude about the littlest of things. Eventually we discovered when a roommate of mine and myself were getting into fights a lot, she was constantly going behind our backs talking to a guy that she and my roommate both liked telling him lies about what we were doing and he'd tell my roommate which in turn would make our lives heck. Then she'd lie and say that she heard things about us and things were never said. It ended up causing the loss of a friendship because she was running her mouth. We really didn't want to live with her again, especially after our third year of college but we got stuck with her anyway. She gave us a constant attitude problem that was pretty much like a three year old throwing a temper tantrum because she didn't get what she wanted. If we didn't do what she wanted, she'd throw a fit. Finally, we tried to think of a way to get out of the room so we didn't have to stay with her and it turns out, the girl didn't even have the guts to tell us that she had moved out. She's such a wimp. She can dish things out so much to a certain point and then after that, she can't do any more. It has definitely been a blessing since she's been gone. We aren't as tense and don't have to deal with her acting childish. I can't stand living with spoiled brats so it was a blessing she was finally gone. I think she was so mean because she couldn't stand the fact that people that she thought didn't deserve anything actually had more and better things than she did, when in reality she is bleeding her parents dry for money and her parents are abusing the government to buy their little princess thigns. It's sad and pathetic.
2 people like this
@tklich (391)
• United States
27 Nov 08
Thank you so much for the response and for sharing your experience! That's so unbelievable that people go through so much just to lie to others and to break up friendships. I think this girl you were dealing with felt like she had to be center of attention, and the only way in her eyes to do that was to lie to everyone about everything. I can't believe people actually tell such lies that end up affecting others in your life for and extended amount of time. These people are so childish and selfish! But hopefully karma will come to these people and get them back for what they have done to all the innocent ones. People that are like this can NOT be living a happy life. It's sad to think how people will end up so miserable, but at the same time it isn't sad at all because they brought it all upon themselves. Thanks again for the response and the story! Happy myLotting!
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Nov 08
You hit the nail on the head. It was all for attention. She constantly needed the attention. If she wasn't getting the attention she thought she deserved she'd throw a tantrum to try and get more attention. I kind of feel bad for people like them but then I really don't.
2 people like this
@23uday (2998)
• India
27 Nov 08
Hi friends Yes some people are really mean and awful.What your friend has done to you is really very bad and you just let her go away from your life.Even i met people ,who are mean and selfish. They are friends with me,only because that i help them in their work and so that they can take advantage.But i dont bother what they say about me,as i am considered about myself and my family.But even though i know they are mean,i do help them when they need,as i believe in humanity and life is too short to bother about these things. Bye!!!!!!
2 people like this
@tklich (391)
• United States
28 Nov 08
Thank you so much for your response! That's a very tough thing you do when you help out these people that are your friends but do take advantage of you. Maybe they really do like you and enjoy your presence, but know they can benefit from what you can help them with as well. It's hard to say. I also believe what you said about life being too short. Life can be waaaay to short to bother with these things! I just wish the people that are doing these cruel things could see how short life is and the time they're wasting doing these, instead they could be out making something of their own life and being happier.
• United States
27 Nov 08
some people are like that because they can't live any other way. people like those you don't really keep as friends but more associates because no matter how people are they still have to associate with others. In terms of her though one day she is going to see the folly of her ways and hopefully none too soon.
2 people like this
@tklich (391)
• United States
28 Nov 08
Thank you for the response! I just can't believe I kept her as a friend for as long as I did and didn't realize what she had been doing. Luckily I did find out what she had been doing and ended up cutting ties with her. I communicate with her now (after about 3 years of not speaking) but just briefly here and there through myspace or facebook. I will always hold something against her though, and still hope that karma comes back to get her!! LOL
@maroseqf (3657)
• Philippines
27 Nov 08
It really makes you feel bad when someone you thought was your friend betrayed you or treated you differently. Well, some people are like that. They find happiness in spreading bad things about someone. The reason could be jealousy, envy, or something else. Whenever I encounter that kind of person, I try to avoid them because I don't want them to know anything about me and give them something to talk about.
2 people like this
@tklich (391)
• United States
28 Nov 08
Thank you for the response! I can totally understand what you're saying, and I'm like you. If I find out someone is up to no good, I just avoid them the best I can. The more they know and the more they find out about you, the more damage they will do. I just don't get how these people can actually make it through life being like this. If these kinds of people put this much effort into bettering their own lives, they would be just as happy as the people they are torchering and could actually live a happy life.
• India
27 Nov 08
I dont know why people are like this,well in your case you got married but in my case i was in a relationship with a girl in my first year of college who was my class mate then and i had a friend who was really close with the girl..they both were good friends and still are..in our class there are only 14 members and out of that only 3 guys..this guy usually domintes the class which i dont like at all..and then one fine day he started to play his tricks on me and the girl with whom i had a relationship with..then my relationship parted away and still this -------fellow plays tricks on everyone's life in my class and i dont reveal anything to him nowadays..
2 people like this
@tklich (391)
• United States
28 Nov 08
Thank you for the response. I just don't understand these kinds of people, why they have to be so mean to everyone, do they really get that much satisfaction out of it all? I wonder if they even realize how many lives are really being affected by their cruel actions.
@jammyt (2822)
• Philippines
27 Nov 08
OMG that's really bad. I see where you are coming from. Probably, yes, she's jealous of you. Or, she has an issue in her life that manifested with being mean to other people. Is there even a possibility that she likes the father of your child? Anyway, why don't you clear things off with the family of the guy? If they don't want to believe you then so be it, just go on. At least you cleared your name and didn't just keep quiet. About your "so called" friend, let her rot. Don't worry, there's always karma. Things will find a way of getting ack to tose wo do bad things. I think you should just ignore the issue since you know it is not true. Focus on your kid. That will make you happier. Hugs to you.
2 people like this
@tklich (391)
• United States
27 Nov 08
Thank you for taking the time to respond! I'm glad to hear that someone else has the same opinions I do, and I'm glad to hear what someone else has to think of it. I'd be pretty surprised if she had a thing for my son's father though, for one, she married his cousin, LOL! (he is completely different than my son's father, btw) And 2nd, my son's father is a COMPLETE loser and I'm sorry to say I was ever involved with him!! Again, LOL! I've been working on clearning things up with the family though. I've been in touch with my son's father's sister, and she knows there were lies started and what not, but I just get agrivated still because I get so mad at my son's father. I guess it's just easier when none of them are involved at all. But thanks for taking the time to read and respond!
1 person likes this
@Volkus (202)
• Romania
27 Nov 08
People are mean when they know how to make the difference between good and evil, or when they aren't educated properly in childhood. Sigmund Freud, the great genius of psychology states that "people are mean when their parents don't know how to put the good in front". So, the core of the big issue is the psychological approach of the vast majority of us. We explain the meaning of evil by pointing out that good is the best solution. Now, we all question, why there are criminals and infractors? Well, the answer to this great demand may be found in the greatest duality of all the history - evil vs good. Is your choice what side you chose...
1 person likes this
@tklich (391)
• United States
1 Dec 08
Thank you so much for the response. You seem very educated in this area, of reasons why people do what they do, and why they are who they are. Even though I try to be the best parent I can be, it's very scary knowing that I hold my childs life in the palm of my hand. I have a lot of control over what kind of person he becomes later on in his life..
1 person likes this
@Volkus (202)
• Romania
1 Dec 08
Yes, I'm very afraid of that period in my life. But I know I'll do well, because there are almost 3 billion people on this Earth. If they manage to keep up the good work, why shouldn't I? I can wait to watch them growing. I must agree that I'm a little scared about this idea. I'm just independent, and the education of a child has to be a full one. Your life isn't anymore yours, but it belongs to your child... I hope this helped! Have a nice day!
28 Nov 08
Thats all drama girl. They all try to pretend to be a friend but u know and i know real friends are hard to find. You should be able find a good friend but sometimes the one that you thought was a true friend was not at all who they said they was. The experiences in life are hard. Theres nothing we can do just be as simple minded people that we are. These people are the one reason trust is never there.Real people are out there but theres alot of them that are fake and u just have to watch the ones u call friend. Dont be discouraged we all make mistakes on who we let into our lives just be more careful of who u trust thats all. Be happy on mylot
1 person likes this
@tklich (391)
• United States
1 Dec 08
Thank you so much for the response. I really did think she was a good friend, but boy was I wrong. I'm glad I got away from it all though. I have two very good friends in my life right now (not counting my husband) that I call true friends, as in I know I can trust them. I am actually friends with a girl that I almost began to think she was a better friend than what she really was. Not that she's not still a friend to me, we are still friends, but I almost put to much trust in her. But luckily one of my real, true friends knows her too, along with others I am friends with, and they've told me she can't fully be trusted. Nothing to serious or anything, just more along the lines as she's a gossiper and may not be able to keep your secrets after you ask her to. But I wouldn't want her knowing something about me I don't want everyone else to know! So I agree with you where real friends are very hard to find.
• United States
27 Nov 08
Wow, that´s pretty bad , but u know something?, most of the people who are really mean is because they are miserable..sometimes they were brought up in the wrong enviroment or sometimes their parents were really messed up and raised them like that ...i can´t imagine myself growing up in the middle of jealousy and envy , we should thank our parents we are not that way.I´ve come accross this kind of people through out my life and i just don´t pay any attention to them, i know i´m happy , my family and my true friends know who i am and where i come from, so i can care less about them, just go on with your life and your kid , it should be all that matters right now..good luck
1 person likes this
@tklich (391)
• United States
1 Dec 08
Thank you so much for your response. The more I think about it the more I wonder if she really is, or was, miserable when she did this. I don't know the kind of person she is today, or if she or anyone else for that matter, are capable of changing. I suppose it's possible, but maybe not too likely. But she dated the same guy for 5 years, they got engaged, then broke up a month before the wedding. I've never experienced something quite like that so I'm sure that was quite painful (he left her) and she was very hurt, but it's no reason to go messing with someone else's life. Nothing justifies what she did to me, and I know I will never fully forgive her for what she did. I would say that I wish she were miserable, but that would put me down to her level and I'm better than that.
@raven66 (335)
• Canada
27 Nov 08
People can be all sorts !!!!... Its all in how you relate to them.
1 person likes this
@tklich (391)
• United States
1 Dec 08
Thank you so much for the response. I just can't believe some people sometimes...the nerve they have! But it will always be this way in the world...
• China
27 Nov 08
just let it be,step forward,disregard others's bad behaviors so long as you think that you are doing the right things.
1 person likes this
@tklich (391)
• United States
28 Nov 08
Thank you for the response and the advice. It is always a good thing to be able to stand up and be the better person. I know I don't always have the strength to be the better person by not stooping to their level, but it's always the best thing to do no matter how hard it is. I very rarely even communicate with this girl anymore, so it isn't too hard now to just forget about her and everything that happened.