Need some advice... or at least some opinions.

United States
December 4, 2008 3:25pm CST
I have someone who I have been pretty close friends with for a few years now; lately I have been trying to figure out if I should just completely disassociate myself with her. She was recently living with my roommate, my fiance', and myself. Before she moved out some money went missing, 70 dollars actually. I know it wasn't me, it wasn't my fiance, and it wasn't our roommate because it was our roommate's room where it went missing from. This was rent money so all of us had contributed to the money. Our roommate always let's us use his computer which is in his room, so all of us had access to his room. Nobody had come to visit in the few days between the time we counted up the rent money and the time that we went to pay rent. She denies it was her. Also, a mutual friend of ours also confirmed with me that around that time she all of a sudden had money immediately after complaining she was broke and didn't get paid 'til the end of the week. Also, she was going to buy something from me on her payday for 80 dollars and the thing that I was gonna sell to her went missing shortly before her payday. I have searched the house top to bottom and it's not here, and I know I didn't take it out of the house. On top of that, she already owed our roommate 65 dollars which she told me when I asked her the day that she was leaving she had paid to him. I asked him after she left just to make sure, he confirmed that she hadn't paid him. Now, here's the tough part, I'm the godmother to her 13 month-old son who I love like he was my own. If I disassociate myself with her I know I will probably never see my godson again. Please, if anybody has some suggestions, I would very much appreciate it!
2 people like this
10 responses
• United States
4 Dec 08
I would cut this person off without a backward look. She steals and she lies. If it was just one incident, you might talk to her and maybe work it out, but this seems to be the way she functions. She's a user, and anybody that stays in a relationship with her will get used. As for your godson, I know that's hard, but he's so young you haven't had a chance to develop a strong relationship with him. He's also young enough that he's not going to miss you for very long. At least he's not your own blood. Let them both go before something else happens, and before it becomes even harder to make the decision.
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Dec 08
Yeah, I know this is what I should probably do. It's probably what I'm going to do. My godson is the only thing that makes it hard because even though he is so young, I have developed a very strong relationship with him. I was there the day he was born. She's not a very great mother and in a lot of aspects I have been more of a mother to him than her; as far as getting him the things he really needs when she wouldn't and giving him the attention he needs and working with him helping him learn how to crawl, sit, etc. when he was falling behind for his age because nobody in her family was really giving him that kind of attention. I'm gonna probably have to make myself let him go and just hope for the best.
@maean_19 (4659)
• Philippines
5 Dec 08
The question is, would you allow a bigger money be lost in your house? Of course, you do not want that to happen right?..Then, do not tolerate her and any thing to be gone again. Well, talking to her is good, however, based on your story, she's an expert and had no conscience. Know why? The mere fact that the money stolen was for some thing, yet she stole it. The fact also that money is not that easy to earn for, yet she got it. Think my friend??? What is more important to you? Saving your remained trust to her by disassociate her and not tolerating her doings and her future stealing? Or sacrificing not to see your godson? If I have to choose? I would rather sacrifice not seeing my grandson than tolerating my friend's acts. There will always be a way of seeing your grandson eventually. If he'll grow up and mature, he would understand your decision. Besides, you won't permanently disassociate your friend, but at least put or place a distance and save yourselves from her future "stealing acts". Hope you comprehend what I wanted to imply. Good Luck!!!
1 person likes this
@chaolai (162)
• Philippines
4 Dec 08
everything could be settled by talking. try to talked to her in a nice way. if she didnt tell the truth atleast she knew that you already have an eye for her. maybe she just did that for a reason and hope it will never happened again. try to tell her that it is better to ask help rather than getting things which is not her own. i know she could understand. and for your grandson, she is not going to take him away from you just try to show to her that there is a willing hand for her.
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Dec 08
There is nothing lower than stealing from family. I personally would disassociate myself from her. I am sorry but that is just so low to steal. I truly do not know what I would do in your shoes, but I am sure I would be incensed over the stealing part. Best of luck.
• Canada
5 Dec 08
I know that your godson means the world to you but at the same time this is hard earned money we're talking about. I don't' think she'll get the message if you keep on asking her after things keep on going missing. I strongly suggest you tell her that you think what she's doing is shady. You know what she's doing and because of her actions you strongly disaprove of continuing to associate yourself with someone who would stoop so low as to steal. Then you leave it at that. However you need to have her move out. Stealing isn't and shouldn't be tolerated. I am a firm believer as I have said here numerous times now that with every action carries a consequence. You tell her if another thing goes missing you will file a police report and report her to the authorities. Regardless you really need to stress to her what she's doing is illegal and she can be sued for it, and possibly going to jail. It is no different then stealing from a store it isn't tolerated there and shouldn't even more so be tolerated with friends and roommates. Best of luck but your god son needs a mother who doesn't steal. you are helping her out by doing this same with him. Hopefully she'll turn her act around before your godson picks up on her theiving habits. Think long term here hun. Someone needs to get the message across to her and if you can't do it then I think the authorities can. Best of luck. I'm really sorry you've been put in this position to begin with.
• Canada
5 Dec 08
opposite I misread I thought she was a roommate. I read someone elses response that went off of supposition. WHich is right to a point. I mean if you really think about it and the money was counted by you all before and after it went missing and she was the only visitor than chances are that she may have taken it. What I strongly suggest you do if you remain friends is count all your money before hand this includes your roommates. There's nothing worse then a roommate taking advantage of this situation and blaming lost money on you 'friend' now with that being said it sucks to have to do but install locks on all of your doors. Ask that they keep their doors locked at all times. This really alleviates the possibility of something being stolen from anyone other than the guests they 'allow' in their room. Strong suggestion to you is never leave her unsupervised in your home. You seem to have known her tendencies beforehand so do whatever means possible to prevent this behavior. Or you say to her that you prefer she not come over to your house any more because it's all to suspicious that every time she comes over items go missing. And when she's in your house you be sure to have ALL your valuables including money in your room locked so she can't get in the rooms. If I was a roommate of yours I probably would have requested that she not be allowed in the house any more. I would suggest you take their feelings and possessions into consideration as well. Is it wroth it to have her over and always have stuff go missing? Go for the locks thing and tell your roommates since no one has officially been caught that you all get locks on your doors for protection from the missing items. Any rent money should go into a safe. and locked away. That way you know if anything is taken it is only the roomates who know the key code and can only be one of you who took the money and eliminates outside sources having their fingers pointed at them.
5 Dec 08
theres nothing worse then stealing from a friend/family. i think you should confront him/her and just ask nicely and if it was him/her tell them it can be all put in the past and never talk about it again!!!!
• Canada
5 Dec 08
tossing it under the rug doesn't solve the problem nor bring the items back though.
@shebeck (116)
• Jamaica
5 Dec 08
Hello, It is just unfortunate that all the hospitality that was done for your friend she did not appreciate it and most of all she has not been honest with you at all. I believe that it is best that you continue to be her friend just for the sake of your godson, but be careful when she comes to visit. Put away all valuables out of reach when she visit and do not ever leave her alone in the house. Try and plan activities that she can participate in to keep her active and no time to scoope around to steal anything. Finally do not ask her about the past stuff as it will cause fiction with you both and she might get angry (even though she is guilty) and not let you see your godson again. Good luck. shebeck
@checapricorn (16049)
• United States
5 Dec 08
[i]Hi catgirl, I know it is hard in your part but you have to do it or else you will continue to lose any valuable things since you are in the same place, if no one can confront her about this then, I guess it is better to just stay away from this lady! Actually, it happened to me and my friend before and as what I have said, after talking to her and she denied it where infact, it was very obvious that she was the one stealing our money, we started to just stop our contact with her![/i]
@shyama86 (73)
5 Dec 08
HI, From yr note it is understood that you know yr fried for quite sometime now. Do you have any similar experience before? Is this the first time you loose money? You cannot say that she had taken the money since you are not sure? However please be careful with her in future. Not only her any friend for that matter . Do not believe anybody blindly. There is nothing wrong in continuing yr friendship with her since you love her son godson too much. But be careful .
• India
5 Dec 08
wow taht really sux but are u sure that she had no friends coming over n takin teh money either?? 75bux is alot u try to get thru this but if it happens next time.. even a small amount u shud call in teh cops hope i helepd happy lottin and have a nice day!