How efficient is your parenting style?

It's just the natural thing, I think, that the parent who is with the child 80% of the time should have more power to decide on issues. I'm a stay a home mom, that's a decision we made together. We had to make sacrifices so that I could stay home, but we wanted our son to be raised by us. And we know that everyday that passes that we can afford for me to be here is a blessing! That being said, as a stay at home mom, it's my sole job and purpose in life to make sure that my little guy has the means to become the best man he can become. This means that I decide on the thousands of little issues that come up in a day; naps, meals, playdates, tv, snacks, outfits, time-outs, etc etc... His dad works, albeit from the house, but there are rules to that too! Sometimes we can all have lunch together, sometimes daddy brings him to school, sometimes daddy is locked in his office from sun-up to sun-down and we don't see him. At night, we try to all eat dinner together, my little one gets to choose a movie/show and he has a pop or cookies and milk with this dad. Sometimes my guys play so hard and long at night that they both pass out cold on the couch! After all is said and done, at night his dad and i talk about how his day was, what did you guys do today, was he good today and/or any issues that may need to be discussed. Important issues, like when I wanted to have him evaluated and put into speech therapy or like when I wanted to enroll him in swim class. It works well for us, for now. It's all in the effort of a working parent to be a part of their child's life. Parent's need to share those funny stories, the fresh remarks and the milestones their children present. But when it comes to deciding when/if he can have a pop, what time he naps/goes to bed, what the rules are regarding magic markers on the carpet are, and every little thing that comes up in a parent/child world, it's my job. His dad is good at asking me before he indulges the little guy because he knows it's me who has to deal with the results.

Well, the future can only tell how efficient I am as a parent. In my growing years, my dad had no role in my upbringing. He was abroad till I was about 12 and by then, I was an adolescent and he made no effort to connect with me. My mom is exactly like your mom and with no indulgent dad to balance it out, I had a pretty bad childhood and teenage years. Now my only child is 9 yrs old and I am both like a dad and mom to him in the sense my hubby is totally cool and dependent on me about this. He has practically no opinion on how he should bring up his son…he has left that entire thing to me. So you can well understand how difficult my task is…I am trying my best to cope.

The thing is that children do not come with an instruction manual and for most parents it is a case of “learning as we go” although of course we have some ideas from how our parents bought us up. There is always the possibility that the mother and father have different parenting styles because of the own upbringing but that should not nbe an obstacle in agreeing in how you want your children bought up. Also it could be that we want to do everything the same as our parents did, everything different to somewhere in between. Often what happens is that the couple do not discuss their ideas on parenting, except in a very general way, until after they have their first child and that can cause problems if styles are different. You are right in that every child needs to feel loved and wanted by both their parents. All into that mix, you need to add teaching them manners, respect for others (and their property as well), kindness and generosity as well as encouraging them to think and be independent, as far as their age allows that I mean. When you put them all together you have a good chance of bringing up a child who will become a good member of the community, respectful, responsible and compassionate. My ex -wife and I had different parenting methods, although that only really became apparent once we had separated and she had the children full time, at least initially. I still saw them for 2 days every other weekend and maybe one day on the second weekend and sometimes for a night during the week. I will admit that I made some mistakes along the way but eventually sorted things out. Also I met the lady who is now my life partner and her parenting was a bit different to mine, mostly in that my children were more spoilt than hers. However we went to counselling before we moved in together and the counselling was not only for us as a couple but also so that we could cope with a blended family. It did work out well even though one of my daughters did cause some grief along the way but now they are all adults, some married with children and all of them have a partner. The thing is that the way I did things and the way my partner did them were very different but we talked things through and we always supported each other once a decision was made. I was away truck driving often and she had to care for all the children and when something arose, she considered what she would do and what I would do and then make a decision if she was unable to talk to me first. She was entitled to and received my support on that. From a very young age parents know what to do when they want their own way and never more so that when they see their mother and father do not agree. Finally we might be parents but we are also human which means that we will make mistakes along the way but we work it out and move on from there.

for me parenting is the art of making good son or daughter which needs lot of skills from husband and wife. best thing is that if husband is anger wife should not control him so that the child feels that their is some one to take care so they feel what they did is right for mom it makes them bad and main thing is that when child makes wrong first person to make them right is parents no competenices too be used when it comes to future of our childrens