December 6, 2008 10:54am CST
My wife's aunt recently got married to a man that neither of us like. He doesn't work and claims benefits, won't allow her to work and has made her his full time carer. We don't think he is fit to be her husband and also feel he is cheating the system for benefits and is more than capable of working for a living. He treats her like a maid and they 'perform' in public like a loving couple, but we can see in her face that the love isn't there. Would you have done anything to try and stop the wedding going ahead to save her the ignomy of being deprived of her own life, or would you do nothing because she has chosen her path and should therefore suffer it? We tried to get her to see what sort of man he is but she seems blind to it.
6 Dec 08
Love is in the eye of the beholder! Many times I hear this from friends and relatives talking about someone else's partner. The reality is that it is not for you to try and break them up, but to support them if and when the relationship breaks down for the reasons you highlight. You should be more positive - it is her decision - be there for her and she will confide in you when the problems become too much - if they do. You should be happy that she has found someone. He may be completely different when they are alone - you cannot make the decision for her and will simply alienate her if you keep saying negative things about him. Be there for her and hope it works out.
6 Dec 08
Totally fair comments that we take on board. We will always be there for her, after all she is family and we need to support her as much as we can. I hope that what we, and others, see is not the true picture and they do make a success of the marriage, if they don't we're here.
9 Dec 08
If you have tried to get her see what sort of a man her husband to be and she didn't listen to you, well it's her choice. I think she might change her mind in the future as not many women would like to be treated as a maid in their married life. Anyway there's always an option for a wrong marriage, they can always get divorce if the woman will see a brighter light for herself or realises it in the future.