Did you ever change for the person you love?

@laydee (12798)
Philippines
December 8, 2008 5:45am CST
I am actually at a very complicated predicament now, there's a topic about that in a section here in mylot. Anyways, what I'd really ask here is that, have you ever changed for someone you love? One sample would be changing your attitude for someone. Changing residencies or location or country. Changing your habits. or perhaps you were a playboy or playgirl before and you completely stopped because of love. Do you think that could ever happen? or is it some sort of Romantic flicks' fiction?
1 person likes this
23 responses
@mae1216 (658)
• Philippines
8 Dec 08
Actually, I am trying to but it is hard. He keeps on telling me that I should be the one to adjust for him.
1 person likes this
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
8 Dec 08
That's something tough. Why does he say that it's only you who needs to adjust? Isn't a relationship supposed to be a two-way street?
@mae1216 (658)
• Philippines
8 Dec 08
He wants me to respect him cause as a Man the Man should be the one to do all the jobs and decision. It is really hard but I am having my own decision sometimes and it all ends up fighting.
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@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
8 Dec 08
That's tough. Is he living in the past? I mean, it's the 20th Century, women have a say in decision making too. Anyhow, can't you try 'suggesting' there are guys who are egoistic and has a lot of pride. You can't always give him what he wants. He needs to respect too in order to be respected.
@kaliyha (591)
• Philippines
8 Dec 08
Its not really changing for me. Its more on compromising. With my boyfriend, I think I became sensitive to his needs as well as my needs. Even if I do want some things, I would never do it if it would affect our relationship.
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@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
8 Dec 08
That's nice, and it's good that you've learned to compromise. Anyhow, does he do the same to you? About being sensitive to your needs as well?
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
8 Dec 08
That's great then. =)
@kaliyha (591)
• Philippines
8 Dec 08
Not unless I tell him that I feel bad. I'm really the type who suffers in silence but he knows my moods so he usually pesters me if he feels like I'm keeping something (such as my feelings) from him. When I tell him my hurts, he compromises too and adjusts.
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Dec 08
I did change who I was for someone else for over 10 years out of love and I lost MYSELF. One day I realized that I had sacrificed traditons ,family and friends and my very happiness for him. I left and have had to learn me all over again.
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@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
9 Dec 08
Indeed we can't see the ill-effects of some decisions brought about by love. I guess we should sometimes look away from ourselves to see what's happening. Could you say you're happier now than before?
• Philippines
10 Dec 08
it's not something that of a fiction. maybe it's hard for a girl to think of changing for a guy she loves. coz on my point of view, it's the guys who always adapts for the girl. sometimes it's just a matter of "pride" when you say you can't change. "change" is constant, it is everywhere. why would you restrict yourself into it. if your reason for not changing is because your boy told you so, then i pity you. look into things without thinking of yourself first, it could be really better for your relationship to do so.
1 person likes this
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
10 Dec 08
it's good to hear a perspective of a man rather than all ladies. Anyhow, maybe men are not vocal enough to say what they want, that's why girls have no idea what you guys want right? Plus of course we like assuming things, and if you don't say something, it may mean that you're okay with it. Thanks for your thoughts.
• India
9 Dec 08
good and nice when people they love they change is good but sometimes when there is misunderstanding we again try to do the bad things so love can change our habits but also make worse when either of us cheat and i couldn't say it could ever happen bcos we can make this happen or not, we can do what we want, we can make good use of the situation or become worse it depends on Us
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
9 Dec 08
Yeah, I guess so, some changes are only temporary and once we are tired of these 'forced' changes then we go back to the usual us and fight still goes on and on.
@amitj020 (124)
• India
9 Dec 08
a bit yes ,i quit smokin just for ma girl i knw for sure i cld nt hv done dis witout her........
1 person likes this
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
9 Dec 08
How long ago have you quit smoking?
@amitj020 (124)
• India
9 Dec 08
i used to b a chain smoker its been 8 mns or so..... im not counting......
@Ravenladyj (22904)
• United States
8 Dec 08
I dont consider moving or settling down to be "changing" I think its more like adapting or better yet growing/maturing...To me "changing" for someone would be changing your once solid opinions or changing your once solid religion...Changing would be becoming the person THEY wanted you to be....and no I would never and have never...This is me, I'm strong in who I am, proud of who I am and if my hubby or bf dont like it/me then they dont belong with me....
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@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
8 Dec 08
That's a strong personality you have there. Have you ever heard of complaints about your strong personality?
@underdogtoo (9579)
• Philippines
8 Dec 08
I think that I have changed myself somewhat all for love and it might not have been a good thing. Maybe I should just have remained my old, stupid, stubborn self. Cheers!!
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
8 Dec 08
Why was your change not a good thing to have done?
@jesbellaine (4139)
• Philippines
8 Dec 08
Hi there! Hmmm… Hi there! Well, maybe but I never really thought of it… if I change since we’ve been together. I guess, if there is, that would be for a good thing since we don’t have problems even right now. Maybe my attitude as well like I am not that hard headed because he kinda thought me how to be patient most of the time... hahaha! Thanks for this discussion! Happy Mylotting! And Happy Holidays! Cheers!
1 person likes this
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
8 Dec 08
I say the change is for the good then. What has he changed in him for you too?
• China
9 Dec 08
It's my opinion that you're being free to change for someone you love,only if you think that will help improving your relationship.However,you know,people's attitude is always in contradiction to their character.When you hope for a big change on someone you love,you're actually not sure about what's happening to your relationship.Don't expect me to believe in "All is well that ends well."Are you really looking forward to it that someone you love isn't who he/she should be anymore but a perfect person?Then why will you have to choose among those who are the same perfect?Don't you love someone because of his/her distinction?If you're in destined relationship to a playboy or a playgirl,you won't definitely accuse him/her of something wrong he/she might do.They're sure that they're not loving the perfect people.But they're not sure about whether they will still be in love with them if they change into perfect people.
1 person likes this
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
9 Dec 08
On contrary though, it sometimes too difficult to see the imperfection when you're in love. Slowly as times goes by, you slowly realize that there are a lot of things a person needs to change and he to you too. I guess this is the time in their lives where they should learn to compromise. I think it's difficult to change over night, but I don't think a person needs to force change to another. I believe they should talk, converse in a mature manner and open their hearts out. After this conversation, if a person does love the other he/she would change without force. But, that doesn't quite usually happen. Over bearing pride and people's tendency to go up their high horses often times are the main reasons why effective communication never develops.
• China
9 Dec 08
Hi Laydee. i did. I changed for the person i love,i really did. but still i think we changed before of him or her,it's nice to do it,but it is no meaning that we already changed,that is not really ourself,now...right? but still i think if a little bit change both of us are happy,why not? if change for someone,but myself not happy....that is too bad. i rather forgive him. what if he would say something like,well if you love me you shall do anything for me.oh? do you think so? cheers
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@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
9 Dec 08
Yeah, indeed it is wrong to change for the person alone, you must also be ready and would really want to do it in the first place. Change isn't something you could do overnight, but it does happen with right will power and passion. Thank you very much for sharing your thoughts.
• United States
8 Dec 08
well of course i changed not only my residency but my country as well. For me it's lots of changes, first when i was in the philippines i don't cook, wash dishes, and do the laundry, now i did it all. hehehhehe for the sake of love. Why not? Have a good day.
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
9 Dec 08
Hehehhe.. It's funny how we realize we could do things we never really have done before, for the sake of love. I do hope that all these changes are not only on your end. But of course, that's part of being married, I guess. How long have you been with him now? Do you think all your changes are worth it?
• United States
8 Dec 08
How I look at your yourself are special you should not have to change yourself for anyone. If you like yourself that is all that matters. Moving to be closer to them yes. But in my case he actually moved in with me. Been happily together for almost 2 years. Have 4 kids only the 4 month twin girls are his. But he is wonderful to my son and daughter they call him daddy. I wouldn't ask to change anything about him. He is wonderful to me as well. When I am sick he makes me something to eat and brings it to the bed for me. He helps me cook, clean, take care of all the kids, laundry, and even draws my bath sometimes. So my answer to you is no I wouldn't change and wouldn't ask him to change either.
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@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
9 Dec 08
There's something truly wonderful with a match made from heaven. It's something most of us only dream about, it's good that you have found him, in the same way he has found you. Remember to remind yourself how much you two are so much in love. I pray that no ebbs or tides in the relationship could ever tarnish that companionship. Change indeed is necessary, but if there's nothing to change, then I can say Congratulations!
@Saizster (21)
• United States
8 Dec 08
Depends on how the change affects you. if you the way you are can be better or changed. give it a try. if you dont like it then stop. but if yu feel yur perfect stay perfect :)
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@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
9 Dec 08
What if you feel your perfect but as others see it, you're not. Should you listen? or should you ignore?
@sunita64 (6469)
• India
8 Dec 08
When I married I started changing as per my husband liking but that relationship didnt survive, so from then onwards I have decided to be myself and be comfortable. Changing in life is essential for betterment for example if you have negative trend of thinking then it is good to change towards the positive one but one should change for ones own sake not for others.
1 person likes this
• India
9 Dec 08
Yes i did change for love..he never asked me change but asked me to remain myself however i did change myself..knowingly and unknowingly...my outlook to life was a bit conservative which just changed overtime and certain other small things in life just changed to blend wid his..i guess change is ineveitable and when u love someone so much u just do it to be compatbale.. And i wouldnt say its a romantic fiction...ehhh
@ladynetz (968)
• Canada
9 Dec 08
yes, I changed location, then country for my love. He changed also a lot for me. For a connection to last, there has to be compromise from both sides. Change of habits it's a must when tou're not on your own. We have to realize that each of us is a whole person, with its own habits, wants and needs. If we really want to have a good relationship, both of us have to come to an understanding and behave in such a manner that both will be pleased. There are still ROMANTICS on this earth. Love is the only thing that can bring us satisfaction and happiness. Good luck - follow your heart!
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
9 Dec 08
It's a good advice. It's true that love does change us into a better person. I just hope I could find someone as willing as your love to change for the better, for now, might as well keep looking.
• Philippines
8 Dec 08
i did change for someone i love everything that i need to change just to prove how much i love her, like moving my location just to be near, study more just to let her know that there is a future on me, learned everything that a good future husband must do. i did change for good. one question that i have never expected that will the person you love would be able to do the same thing that you do? i did not not expect for everything in-return for every good deeds i made i just have love her.
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
8 Dec 08
That's really sweet. You are a prize catch and I hope you continue to do the same for your wife and your family. Remember that nothing would be greater than to have a good life with a good man like you. God bless you and your family.
@eynjel05 (444)
• Philippines
9 Dec 08
That was an interesting question. To answer that, I don't have to change my attitude for him because this is what I am ever since I met him and this is my attitude that he knows since we started our relationship. However,I may change my attiude but definitely not because he asked me too.I will change it because I want o change it.
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
9 Dec 08
Hehehe.. Does he ever complain about anything in you?
• Philippines
10 Dec 08
i hate that stubborn attitude of the girls. my ex-gf, we broke up because of her attitude. even her mama tells her, she have a bad attitude and the way she treats me is unfair (thats coming from her mother!!!). thats the same thing she told me when i asked her to change and her friends (girls) backed her up and told her nothing was wrong. whats wrong with change if its for the best right? i don't think anyone would ask you to change to do bad stuffs right?
@Llonorra22 (1150)
• Philippines
10 Dec 08
It depends upon the situation. If I will change for the better, definitely, I will but, I will never change for someone to love me. Loving someone for me is accepting one's qualities and faults...