what will you do if your boyfriend/girlfriend is accused of being a user?

@skbh12 (2950)
Philippines
December 8, 2008 9:44am CST
[b]what will you do? it really saddens me to find out that until now he is being misjudged or should i stick with the word ACCUSED of a user boyfriend... my mom and my mom's "friends" say negative things about him when for all you know that they don't really make any encounters with him that much. funny isn't it? i just feel so mad about what is happening and how they try to destroy my boyfriend's reputation to my mother saying that all he really after is the money he can get from me when the right time comes that he marries me. he isn't that type of person. you may say that it is early for me to say this but i can see how sincere and true he is with his feeling towards me. my mother would always tell my nanny that she will talk to me in person about this issue again but whenever i see her face to face, she doesn't talk at all. as if she has said nothing about my boyfriend. what i think is that she acts this way just because she has a new boyfriend and also thinks that her new boyfriend won't ever break her heart. haha! whenever her boyfriend comes home to the Philippines and takes a visit,i will show no respect at all just as what she did to my boyfriend. hmph! can't wait for that to happen for her to know and feel how hurting it is to see someone you love being hurted emotionally by a person who has no conscience and heart... happy posting and happy mylotting![/b]
2 people like this
7 responses
@aisaellis22 (6449)
• United States
9 Dec 08
Hello skbh12! This one is very complicated. I am not really expert about this. As I can see, you really love your boyfriend so much, no doubt about it. I won't judge your boyfriend because I don't know him but this is all I can say "your friends cares for you especially your mother. Maybe they saw something to your boyfriend that you haven't seen because you're in love with him. Sometimes love can make us blind. Anyway, you're grown up now and I trust your instincts and wherever you're happy, i would be happy for you. But don't hate your mom, I know she loves you and you wouldn't be here without her sacrifices.
1 person likes this
@skbh12 (2950)
• Philippines
9 Dec 08
[b]hi aisaellis22! well here is the story. she isn't my biological mother and she hated me since i was young that is why during the year 2003 i left her and stayed with my father. i just didn't know why she came back to see and get me when she didn't manage to change her attitude towards me. she always says things behind my back and thanks to my nanny who supported and loved me all these years. how can they see things against my boyfriend when they don't get to see him everyday at work right? i just can't believe why she listens to her friends and cannot even manage to listen to what i have to say. yes i do love my boyfriend but im not as blind just as the love quote says. happy posting and happy mylotting![/b]
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Dec 08
Now I truly understand you. Thanks for explaining it to me. I don't know your step mom too so I don't have to judge her. If you truly feels that your boyfriend loves you, don't mind what other people said. They are not the one who will live with him anyway. Just like what I said, you're grown up now and you know what you have to do.
1 person likes this
@skbh12 (2950)
• Philippines
9 Dec 08
[b]another thing. sorry for not clearing things up. she adopted me with my father and when my father gave all his love to me, that is the time she started hating me. and now my parents are separated by choice only though the annulment case is on process. [/b]
1 person likes this
• Philippines
8 Dec 08
Hi skbh12.. I know that emotional dilemma is very hard to handle especially if the people involve are those you love most. I know you post this discussion and said those words against your MOm out of anger. I would suggest you should let your anger subside first and then talk to your Mom regarding this issue. Revenge is not a good solution to your problem but a wrecker. If your mom will get hurt of your possible plan, I bet deep inside you will also feel hurt of doing so. What good will it do to you then? It will just create a domino effect and worse might destroy your relationship with your mom. Your mom is just after of whats good for you and maybe she overlook things thus judging your boyfriend that way. It would be nice I think to have a good mother and daughter talk. You open up to her of the pain you feel towards her accusation of your boyfriend. Ask her to give your boyfriend a chance to show his side. On the other hand, you listen also to her points and maybe she have a good reasons of saying so. After all, mothers know best. Sometimes emotions blinded us to see the flaws of the one we love. You rather communicate first to your mom before doing a drastic step. I do hope things will be soon settled. Wish you luck my friend..
1 person likes this
@skbh12 (2950)
• Philippines
9 Dec 08
[b]hi jhoannejoj! we already have talked about this months ago and i already told her that she must give my boyfriend a chance to show who he really is but what did her friends do who doesn't even have an everyday contact with my boyfriend nothing but make lies and brain wash my mother. she used to like my boyfriend before. she never listens to the things that i say. she always believes on what the other people are saying against my man. sometimes, i just don't believe when they say that mother's knows best. i just didn't see it in her. she only thinks about the money. that is it. she even tell me "look at your boyfriend, he is white and you are not." i can see that physical attributes is the bottomline here. im not pretty and my guy is handsome and you can see that in my photos. she always compares my color since i am a brown skinned girl to my boyfriend. that is why she thinks that way that my boyfriend is only after the money. i don't think my mother and i will never have a good talk with the boyfriend issue. mothers should be in the middle right? you know what i just hear these things thru my nanny for i know that my mother will always keep this to herself. you know what, my boyfriend riding a bike going to the hospital is an issue to her too. i mean what's wrong with a man reporting to work using a bike as his transportation mode right? everything here is getting funny. yes this anger has grown inside me because they wouldn't stop talking about me and my boyfriend. they always accuse him of things when most of the time, i am with him. she has never changed. well, i guess you may start believing to what i say when you get to hear my life story with my mother. sigh. happy posting and happy mylotting![/b]
1 person likes this
• Philippines
9 Dec 08
Oh sorry to hear that. What i know is mothers never see their daughters as ugly, they always think that their daughters are the most beautiful in the whole universe. I just cant believe that there is a Mom who try to pull down her daughter's confidence, when in fact she should be her own ego booster. Regarding the physical issues, she should never compare the skin color because those are just facade, what should be more important are his attitude and love of your man unto you. She is against your man because of her thinking that he is just after your money, so she cares and protects you for possible agony. Yet she said awful things that could really tear a daughters heart. I just cant see her point and understand of what's her real intention as to speak. *sigh! It must be so hard for you. But I do hope you will not pursue your vengeance. You rather let time prove his worth of your love. At the moment you better concentrate of things that could make you and your man's love stronger. Lift up all your worries unto Him my friend and in His time everything will just fall into the right places.
@skbh12 (2950)
• Philippines
12 Dec 08
[b]hi jhoannejoj! yes now i have been contemplating on things and i just focus on loving my father, nanny and boyfriend more than what they have showed and shared to me. these are the people who kept me more stronger and encouraged to stand with chin up and i thank them for still giving me hopes that one day i'll find the happiness that i have always been looking for. thanks for the response and for understanding my side too.. happy posting and happy mylotting![/b]
@eiram25 (1077)
• Philippines
9 Dec 08
i can completely understand your situation.my bf and i are also going through the same thing.my parents don't like my bf too,saying that he is not good enough for me.it's quite hard to make them realize that he's not the man they try to think he is(his reputation was quite ruined by mere rumors from the people around us).anywayz,we just go with the flow and try to see where our relationship will take us. happy mylotting!
1 person likes this
@skbh12 (2950)
• Philippines
9 Dec 08
[b]hi eiram25! it is really hard right to be in a situation like this. but for me i take this as a challenge and we both want to let my mother know that what her friends say are wrong and were all rumors and lies. we will prove them wrong. we can do this eiram25! we can totally prove them wrong... happy posting and happy mylotting![/b]
1 person likes this
@becnh83 (806)
• Philippines
9 Dec 08
just fight for it you anyway your mature enough to know what is right and wrong and besides your mom doesnt know that much of your boyfriend...but friend dont do what your mothers do...whatever happens to this worldd she is still your mom..
1 person likes this
@skbh12 (2950)
• Philippines
9 Dec 08
[b]hi becnh82! yes we wont stop fighting for what we know is right. you are very right about this. we shouldn't give up on each other. we know we can do this.. happy posting and happy mylotting![/b]
1 person likes this
@jax2050 (147)
• Kuwait
9 Dec 08
you know sometimes people can say anything just to hurt someone's feelings, or she's doing that just to get your mom attention or something,sometimes things happen in the opposite way
@skbh12 (2950)
• Philippines
9 Dec 08
[b]hi jax2050! sigh. i just hope people will just stop talking trash and accusing my boyfriend. it hurts me so much.. happy posting and happy mylotting![/b]
1 person likes this
@luvandpower (2049)
• United States
8 Dec 08
I see both sides of the sotry, and know how you feel either way. Your mother cares about you, and you care about your boyfriend. Even if he there for the money or naught, there ahs to be a point where enough is enough. If you feel so boldly about your loved one's feelings towards you, then explain that to your mother. I know that can be hard and tricky, but the best possible thing you can do is just hope she can understand and relate. mirroring what your mother is doing to you to her boyfriend, is just going to cause hectic in the family, just know that there has to be a time for everything, and two wrongs don't make a right. just believing in the opportunity for love is precious, cling to it, and if you do find out later in life that he was there for the money, then so be it, you never know about thsi stuff until it is too late. one heart may be broken, but just think about what woudl happen if you break your mother's too heart too early? luvandpower Life is short, live it to the fullest
1 person likes this
@skbh12 (2950)
• Philippines
9 Dec 08
[b]hi luvandpower! i know karma is just around us waiting to hunt us back with the actions we plan to do. all i want her to know is that what she does to my partner is hurting. i am not a harsh person but i just don't want to have any personal contact with her boyfriend anymore. when he comes home and takes a visit, i wouldn't even bother to talk or face his boyfriend. that's it. care? hmmmm... let's see.. well, one day i'll be sharing about my life story. i would believe more if people will say MY FATHERS CARES ABOUT ME AND LOVES ME TRULLY WHOLE HEARTEDLY because i see that in him. i don't think she will understand that things that i'll say about my partner because she never listened even the first time she heard the news coming from her so-called friends were all lies. too bad. she is in the circle of people who always talks trash.. [/b]
1 person likes this
@skysuccess (8880)
• Singapore
9 Dec 08
skbh12, First of all, I would like to ask that you keep your temper and vindictiveness in check. Love may be on top of your head now and it is really nice to be in love. However, there will be times you need to stop and think if what they are saying is true and not be too fast with being karmic with them. You should try and understand that there is nothing beneficial to them especially your mother, if what they are saying is false accusation and/or simply lies. There's an ancient Chinese proverb that says: The view of an outsider is always clearer. I think your mother knows that one can never be too trusting and it will definitely hurt when the betrayal sets in. So, using a little logic here would actually help you see a clearer picture. I am sure that your mother is out to hurt you and you should try to be more objective. If your boyfriend is not what they see him as, then let time and him prove them wrong. There is nothing for you to be so vengeful and prove. Also, like it or not, she is your mother and elder who has experienced more than you. I am just sure that she is doing this so that you will not fall so badly and hurt yourself at the end of the day. Remember, an eye for an eye, will just simply make the whole world blind and it isn't nice or in the spirit of love. I am leaving you these words from Bertrand Russell "The good life is inspired by love and guided by knowledge." Take care and have a nice day ahead.
@skbh12 (2950)
• Philippines
10 Dec 08
[b]hi skysuccess! sometimes, i just don't understand why life treat us unfairly. whenever we meet happiness, then the time comes they hurt us that fast. maybe i just didn't really feel the love of a mother. sometimes, i envy those girls are very close to their mothers. she is very different and she is even feared by most of my co-workers. she is too high in a way she wouldn't go down just because she is a doctor or whatsoever. good thing my father loved me so much even though i didn't really come from them. thanks to my father because he taught me a lot of good things in life. my father was fair enough to let my boyfriend show who he is unfortunately my mother not. she generalizes all men to be very polygamous. sometimes i think that is why she feels this way towards me because she knows that there will still be this someone who will show love and that is her boyfriend. another thing, how can i believe these words mothers just care and love their children when i heard that she said she will never care for me anymore. a very good source told me that. is that what you call a mother? sigh... maybe that is how it is especially when you don't really come from their genes. anyway, thanks for the inpirational words. it is just that it doesn't sink in to me yet because all she gave me were hurting words and hurting memories.. happy posting and happy mylotting![/b]
• Singapore
11 Dec 08
skbh12, Sometimes I just wish that relationships can be ever straight-forward and simple. However, there are simply so many circumstances and experiences that tells me otherwise. Our lives are constantly evolving around and likewise for the others. I can understand what you are saying and are going through, however, I do not have any straight answers as to what is happening between your mother and you. I just wish that you could be more objective and slow to judge whatever is being related from your outside source. Sometimes good does not mean that it could be reliable. Have you ever played a game called "Whispers"? Allow me to briefly bring you to my point through this game. The game is a simple group game with the number of participants seated in a circle and the appointed starter will whisper a simple short story to the person on his/her right. The story will then have to be passed on to the next person, all the way back to the originator. If you are the originator, you will be surprised just how much your story has changed when it arrives back to you. It happens most of the time. Reason? Humans basically are born with differences and one of it is perception. It is this that always makes things turn out different from what it should originally be. I know things may not be what you might expect but I do not feel that you should "trust" your sources easily. In any relationship, communication is very important and I would recommend that you make an effort and time for your mother. May not be anything formal or intentional - a once in while drop by for lunch or dinner or high tea would be a good start and etc.. Life is short and there is just so much time - no extras and I just hope that there will be a head start for the both of you. Afterall, she's your mother and I do not doubt that she is out to harm you. I am for the thought that she just does not want anything unbecoming to happen to you. Thank you for your BR here and do take care.
@skbh12 (2950)
• Philippines
12 Dec 08
[b]i think i would believe more if someone says that the mistress of my dad has been a mother to me. i have seen that as i grew up comparing my foster mother from my step mother.. i don't know. it is a bit confusing.. sigh.. all i want is happiness.. happy posting and happy mylotting![/b]