I'm not a mom but I sure would ask an opinion of one about this

@Theresaaiza (10539)
Australia
December 16, 2008 2:24am CST
I have two nephews at home along with each of their mothers who are my cousins. The boys are both 5-year olds and really quarrel a lot to the point of getting really physical. One time the other boy almost bit the ear off the other boy from all those fighting. The worst thing that's happening now is that the mothers are also having a conflict because both are equally protective and defensive of their sons. The boys are quite fond of and both seem to compete also for my attention and affection. I don't know the first thing really of dealing with children because I don't have one of my own yet. Is there a way to stop the boys from quarreling? Is it healthy to keep them away from each other always? I mean children need to learn to play with other kids unless their developmental stage calls for otherwise.
1 person likes this
8 responses
@Sissygrl (10914)
• Canada
17 Dec 08
My kids are not that old yet, but i have a step son that is 5.. He seems to udnerstand english very well.. lol. If we want him to stop doing something we tell him to stop and explain why.. and if he doesn't listen again he goes to a time out.. they say a minute per year is a good time for them to be on time out.. example 5 years old 5 min time out.
@Theresaaiza (10539)
• Australia
17 Dec 08
oh, really. exactly what happens during a time-out?
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@Sissygrl (10914)
• Canada
17 Dec 08
its just that.. a time out.. they gotta sit/stand where ever you decide to put them, i put my daughter in the corner to sit till she is ready to say sorry and i tell her what she did wrong before i put her there. Then when her time is up, i ask her if she knows why she was in the corner, so she isn't c onfused at all about what she did wrong. seems to work well so far.
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@Theresaaiza (10539)
• Australia
18 Dec 08
oh yes, I believe there has to be good reason for punishing or reprimanding a child. My mom always used that on me. Because If I get scolded without really knowing the reason why, I get confused what I did wrong. So I tend to rebel.
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@1megiam (25)
• United States
18 Dec 08
Acts of violence are not normal and should be unacceptable behavior at any age. First let me say this, I am a greatgrandmother so I have some experience with children of all ages newborn to 39+, lol:). Time out is good but does not work for every child, if you try this you might want to also use a time clock and tell the child that they must stand or sit until the timer goes off. I think it is good to remove the child from the situation but not from your presence. You cannot change the mothers, they must want to change in order to parent their children differently. Must you see the boys together? If not you might try the following See them separately. Explain to them that this is because they do not treat each other well, their behavior is unacceptable, give examples. Tell them that when they can behave appropiately toward each other you will see them together maybe do something special. This will be a trial and error experience for all three of you. Reassure them of your love for them, but love includes correction and certain behaviors are not acceptable in your presence, home etc. I commend you for caring this much.
@Theresaaiza (10539)
• Australia
19 Dec 08
i do care because they are realtives. Thanks for the advice.
@eshwarik (180)
• United States
17 Dec 08
Main important aspect of this quarrel is the mothers are not strong. They fight among themselves. Mothers need to talk to their sons. Mothers need to be protective of their sons but not to the extent that moms fight. If the moms wants to stay together then they have to draw lines what the boys can and cannot do. Moms need to talk to their children.
@Theresaaiza (10539)
• Australia
19 Dec 08
yes, they are just like their children in some sort of way
@rcfranz (180)
• Philippines
17 Dec 08
its what you called up bringing...dont get me wrong on this...maybe they should be separated for the meantime...and guide them,teach them while they are away to each other...
@Theresaaiza (10539)
• Australia
18 Dec 08
yes, i get your point. But sometimes really if they are in the middle of their civil war, you can hardly separate them. But maybe I'll take that more seriously this time. Thanks
• Philippines
17 Dec 08
Children's fight is normal, but getting physical is not, mother should do something about. Talking to their child is best way to make them understand how bad it is and Mother should not get into children's fight its a childish thing. Mother is here to discipline not to tolerate their children. Maybe keeping them away for quite sometime would give them reason to miss each other and realize how important to have each other as playmate. And maybe it would lessen their quarrel.
@Theresaaiza (10539)
• Australia
17 Dec 08
yah i think u r right. But I think the boys just hate each other. The first thing they do everytime they see each other in a day is kick each other. I could probably just leave them all up to their guardian angels. It's hopeless! hahaha. Just kidding
16 Dec 08
Hi Theresaaiza, children argue, but it's not healthy for them to get physical, this should be stopped, and try to get them to talk to sort out the problem. The mothers should not fall out over their children, as pretty soon afterwards the children will be friends and playing with each other. I try to do this with my grandchildren. Good luck. greywolf1
@Theresaaiza (10539)
• Australia
17 Dec 08
they really do have characters that clash all the time. actually, i know this must be a normal stage that the children are going through. The real and bigger problem is in the mothers who sometimes end up giving each other cold shoulders because of their boys. If only they too would just acknowledge that the fighting, and the quarreling is really normal and every time someone gets hurt, they should just learn to swallow their pride and apologize. But I can't blame the boys if they keep fighting whenever they are around each other because their mothers aren't always there to keep an eye on both of them. However, I can't blame the mothers because they have to go to school too.
• United States
16 Dec 08
Sounds like both the parents and the kids need a time out or a spanking. Biting and hitting is not tollerated in my house. I've got nieces and nephews as does my DH. We only have problems with one of my DH's nephews. He likes to be a bit rough, but he's an only child and he's a spoiled brat. I can't stand him most of the time. When our DD, Allison, was born, he was very rough with Allison and I had to get on to him more than once about it. Of course, when my DH's brother's wife comes to pick up her demon spawn, he said I got on to him. When she confronted me, I showed her the red mark on my infant daughter's leg where he hit her too hard. Of course I got on to him! There really isn't a way to stop them from fighting unless you punish them yourself. Sounds like both mothers don't really care that much about discipline so they let them get away with anything. It's up to you to step up to the plate and do something before one of them is injured severely.
@Theresaaiza (10539)
• Australia
17 Dec 08
yeah you are right. And it is difficult. I do intervene sometimes but because I am more closer to the other cousin, the other one would just suspect that I am taking sides even if I know that it really is her son who always starts being physical. The mothers do discipline them...but that is if they are even around. But it's funny sometimes the way the other cousin of mine reprimands her son. It's like she is facing him, scolding him, but her words are like this, "Why did you do that? Why did you allow yourself to be bitten? That's not good. You'll end up in the hospital with that!" And she does that within earshot of my other cousin. It's all just like she's really blaming the other for the injury her son got but indirectly saying it. maybe that's why the boy just ends up getting confused as to who really committed a mistake.
• Philippines
16 Dec 08
hi.i think you need to discuss the situation with their mothers first.try asking them if they're ok with the idea of you imposing some discipline on the two kids.you need their approval so as not to start a fight between you and your sisters...Since both boys want your affection,make sure that you show them that they are equally loved.talking to them in a very gentle way and explaining that fighting is not good could help even if they're just toddlers..someone needs to keep an eye on them so that you could give them time off from each other when they start getting physical..just my opinion, hope it helps.
@Theresaaiza (10539)
• Australia
17 Dec 08
yes exactly, and I have tried that. sometimes it works but sometimes because of me they start fighting because they start competing for my attention too. And sometimes, even though I do try to be fair and give them equal love, the other one just wants to be better than the other. It's chaotic! LOL. :-D The other one is too mischievous to even listen when I try to tell them that fighting is bad. He's spoiled and the other one who is more behaved has learned to defend himself too. The mischievous one has a nanny but the other one doesn't so I guess he has learned to survive on his own. The other's kind of spoiled really.