My son broke my heart today
By violeta_va
@violeta_va (4831)
Australia
December 18, 2008 9:32am CST
I have a son who is 5 years old and has mild Autism or something in that region. He has had his fair share of rejection and pain in his short life but I never knew that he knows that he is different. He has delayed speach that is geting better every day and many of his issues will be life time things but with our love and help and patience he is doing great and we are very proud of him.
Today while I went to send some cards my son and husband went for adrive and went pass our doctors office. My son started crying and as usual my husband had problems geting him to calm down. Because he forgets that he is a child plus a child that needs extra help.
I asked him why he was crying and he told me he wanted to go to the doctors I said why do you need to go to the doctor and he said "I want the doctor to make Viktor better and fix Viktor to be like other kids". What he said at that moment is something that I will never forget. Few weeks he said something but it didnt register until now. I asked him if he wanted for us to take him to his friend Helena and he said No I dont like Helena as my friend any more because I cant talk and Hele cant hear me.
I always had a fear that he would notice that he is different but right now I think he thinks he is more different than he really is or that it makes a huge difference.
5 responses
@Foxxee (3651)
• United States
22 Dec 08
Well as a mother of an Autistic son I was touched by this post, but I also think you should understand that if your son is telling you he thinks he is different & so on, that is a good sign. Most children with Autism... Classis Autism that is, can't even speak & don't even recognize that they might be different from other kids.
Almost seems that your son might have Aspergers... but whatever... it's still a form of Autism...
I believe your son will do fine with lots of love & help from programs... let him know that he isn't different in a bad way, he's different in a good way. He is his own person & not one perosn on this earth is the same. Tell him he will be ok. I'm sure you have, but you get my point.
Good luck with everything & be strong.... I know it's hard... but you will do fine & so will that amazing boy of yours...
:)
@violeta_va (4831)
• Australia
24 Dec 08
He stoped talking right after he was vacinated (and as he was catching up with imunisation because he was born overseas he was late geting it the change was very sudden) we had his hearing tested and that was low so finaly he had an operation (tonsils and adnoids) and he is geting a lot better now. The specialist spend 10 min with him in 2-3 sesions (they were 1 h long each) and she diagnosed him based on what we said not what he did (you can imagine 2 young first time parents been questioned for an hour) with questions like: does he ever walk on his toes? who doesnt. But she had her mind made up even before we went there. But I swear if you were to read this report you would think he is a vegetable. She sais limited eye contact "bull$h!t" my son always looks at you when you talk to him. or she sais no creative play give him a box and he can make you a plane out of it, while other kids need special toys to eg. play doctors he would walk around the house get things that he can use (like pen for injections, sticky tape for band aid, ear phones to listen to my heart). I mean the whole thing was such a bed experience for me that I am happy for him to not be diagnosed as long as he gets help and he does.
@violeta_va (4831)
• Australia
22 Dec 08
I Know taht is a good thing that he is able to see that he is different. In some ways different is when he doing things way before kids his age do (like when he learned his colours an numbers) or understanding about emotions and pain and feelings, or where babies come from or tryng new things when kids his age dont. He is behind on his speach (also due to ear problems that we had fixed in April). As we speak Macedonian at home he learned English by him self from tv mostly and we noticed that we started talking to him in Englis and Macedonian. When none of our friends kids knew 2 languages he was able to understand both but only talkes in English. So yes he is different but its not always bad thing in his case but at this point of time I dont think he sees that as positive thing.
@irishidid (8688)
• United States
18 Dec 08
From what you're saying I'm just not getting the impression of autism, at least not in the classic sense. Maybe Aspergers?
My daughter is autistic and has never expressed any desire to be like other people. She doesn't see anything wrong with herself. It's everyone else that is weird.
@violeta_va (4831)
• Australia
18 Dec 08
My son has a mild type of Autism call it what you want the specialist put them under the same branch it is much easier for them and it counts as one. Do you honestly belive that there is such high number of kids with Autism????? Yes it is going up and there are a lot but I dont belive that they are as high as they tell us. For Gods sake he was diagnosed with it because he lined up cars (to raise) aperantly we are not suposed to line up things even if that is normal play. Thats why I have never gone back to profesionals but to say that he is absolutly ok would be kidding my self. I am happy that people providing help for him are happy to help us without proper diagnosis as that would change nothing only they might get a bit more money in funding but they tell me its not worth puting us thru that again for extra dollars.
@irishidid (8688)
• United States
19 Dec 08
I know where you're coming from. I have no doubt your son is on the spectrum, but I just wonder if there isn't something else going on. My daughter's diagnosis is autism, ADHD, generalized anxiety disorder, etc. Autism often has other conditions like the ones my daughter has.
I was lucky in having one of the best doctors in my area diagnose my daughter. She's tops in her field. Unfortunately not everyone is that lucky.
@Debs_place (10520)
• United States
7 Jan 09
Kids are smart, they know when they are different. Is there an autism support group (play group) that you can hook up with so your son can see that he is not alone.
If you go to iTunes, get the podcast - being autistic, being human or if you send me your email I can send you a transcript. This may give some insight for you.
My son had serious learning disabilities, he was almost 12 before he could read, yet at 7 his speaking vocabulary was that of a high school senior, he also could go long division in kindergarden, he was gifted in math. Yet, his gripe was he was in the 'smart class for math and those kid did not want to hang with him because he was in the dummy reading group, yet the kids in the dummy reading group did not like him because he was in the smart math class.' He just wanted to be a regular kid.
It is heart breaking to have a child with these problems, but hopefully, the new autism awareness movement will help you and your son.
@violeta_va (4831)
• Australia
8 Jan 09
Most kids in the autism support groups have Autism that is far more advenced or what should I call it??? My son is not that obvious so he cant relate to those kids at all. We have tried it but as they say every autistic child is different. There were few autistic kids in his kinder but he never wanted to play with them (they were non verbal and non comunicative) and showed many of the classic signs (vocal, repetetive actions, prefered to play by them selfs) so my son who is totaly oposite had nothing in common with them.
@ZephyrSun (7381)
• United States
18 Dec 08
My son has Aspergers Syndrome (a type of autism) and I remember very well the day he came home from school and said "he was too retarded to go back to school". He was nine then and he was a little easier to talk to because he was a little older. It made me cry so hard when I went to bed that night. I have tried to point out all of my son's strengths instead of trying to make excuses. I also make sure that I tell him when he able to figure something out on his own how great of a job he did. It's so hard to have a child with special needs but, there are actually a lot of people on mylot that have special needs children and there is actually a member here that has the same condition as my son and my conversations with her have helped me a lot.
@violeta_va (4831)
• Australia
18 Dec 08
At times it helps to talk to people in same situation but somethimes it makes it worse (in my case) somethimes I dont want to talk about it somethimes I cant shut up. My son has never been properly diagnosed and in a way I dont want him to just be a number. I was told his chances were bad by the only person that "diagnosed" him and if I gave you the report you would think my son was a vegetable that could not move his eyes thats how bad she made him be and I was basicly told that it was in my head that he was doing this and that and it was all due to my depresion which no wonder I had it because I had a child like him. Now you tell me after that experience how can i go back and see another specialist (it took me a year to get over that). I dont care what he has he gets his help anyway with or without the label. He is doing great for someone that was suposed to be a vegetable. People see our kids as numbers as statistics when in fact every child is different Autism has million faces.
@violeta_va (4831)
• Australia
18 Dec 08
My son is total oposite he is very efectionet and tuned in. He hates violance and people been in pain. He looks everyone in the eyes and talks to everyone and gives lots of hugs and kisses. He is very smart to pick up on things (expecialy now that I am pregnant he has this radar on he knows when I am not feeling great)
@ZephyrSun (7381)
• United States
18 Dec 08
I happen to agree and I don't think I could have taken well to the specialist you had to see. I was actually very concerned about my son because he didn't have empathy and it kept bringing me back to serial killers and crinimals. I was very happy that he had autism and more than likely was not going to be the next serial killer. The label also helped because I was able to get him into groups that helped with some issues that he has including the lack of empathy. It has helped him a lot as well. Having a child with any type of special needs can be extremely difficult but it is so rewarding. Good luck.
@ladynetz (968)
• Canada
18 Dec 08
few weeks ago, at Oprah's show, there was an actress Jennie (I don't remember her last name), tht has a child with the same problem as yours.
She discoveerd that a certain food diet, improves the Autism and the child is almost as any other "normal" kid.
Maybe it'll help you to go on Oprah's site and look for it.
All I know that Jennie was fighting very hard, and she wrote a book about it(she's also Jim Carrey's wife), to help other mothers.
Maybe you can also find the book in a libary - it's out already.
Keep your strenght and be well!
@violeta_va (4831)
• Australia
18 Dec 08
I know what you are talking about its a gluten free diet plus some other things. Its a very strict diet and very hard one as well. We tried with my son about a year ago and its just not working simply because the things available are few and you have to eliminate all the other things (no slip ups no just one thing) and we would have to go on it and he will never be able to go anywhere. He is too young right now to do that as he does not understand this I want to wait untill I can explain it to him and he is well informed to start him on it.
