Is true love a justification for having an illegitimate relationship? Honestly

Philippines
December 18, 2008 10:20pm CST
Can you say that you have the right to be happy in a relationship with a married man who says he loves you deeply and more than his present wife? Can you justify your right to be happy and continue with the affair? Should you be concerned if he has had many past marriages and claim to have made several mistakes until he met you and you are the one? Thoughts anyone.
2 people like this
8 responses
@cathya (704)
• Philippines
19 Dec 08
I don't think I can be happy in a relationship knowing that I am destroying ones family and life. I don't also believe that true love is a justification of an illegitimate relationship. Most people are making love as an excuse of their being selfish. For me if you really love the person you won't allow yourself to ruin that person life and the lives of the people around him/her, meaning her/his spouse and most specially the children.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
19 Dec 08
thank you for responding. I firmly believe in what you said. I urged her to forget him but I guess she loves him dearly to stay on. :(
1 person likes this
• Philippines
19 Dec 08
also I think that is the problem. they are so deeply in love that they don't realize they are being selfish.
@rsa101 (24136)
• Philippines
19 Dec 08
For me being a married man I think i should first settle things with my current relationship before entering into another relationship. Where does the responsibility of the man to his family. Just because he found a new love interest doesn't mean that he has every right to be happy. That is so selfish of him to do to his family. If divorce is available then maybe its just timely to prove to his lady that the lady deserves to be recognized legitimately by clearing his former marriage and getting committed with a new one. As for the woman in this case. Don't you think that the price of your happiness is you just made the family of the guy lost their father if he is a father or his wife. Are you happy that you've done that for yourself. Home wrecker is what is commonly called with ladies who are like this. Is this the happiness you would want for yourself? and be called as such for doing so.
• Philippines
19 Dec 08
thank you for responding. I can sense your strong conviction on this and I am happy for you. I too believe that he should consider fixing his marriage first as marriage is not a convenience that can be trashed in a lawyer's office.
1 person likes this
@rsa101 (24136)
• Philippines
19 Dec 08
Well let's just say that in every choice there is a benefit to enjoy and price to pay. By just looking at the price to pay for every choice you would know if you're doing the right thing or not.
• Philippines
19 Dec 08
I hope they can see that. My fear is that love made them so blind that they don't see anything else. I pity the wife. She did not know. Even if she is not the perfect woman, I feel she has every right to be given a second chance. I believe that in every choice one makes has an effect and this effect will somehow recochet back. I fear that for them as they are both good people.
1 person likes this
@Apollyon (91)
• Philippines
23 Dec 08
it is not a justification. we should all respect how sacred marriage is. you would not be only hurting yourself if you are in this kind of relationship but also the family of the person you are having an affair with. you would also break the hearts of the people around you seeing you hurt while you are in that relationship. it would be wise to break up with someone who already has ties. enjoy the holiday season. Merry Christmas.=)
• Philippines
23 Dec 08
Thank you very much for responding. I am not sure if she is hurting from the illicit relationship. If so it could be from the fact that she can not be with him unless he divorces his wife....
@spalladino (17921)
• United States
21 Dec 08
First of all, on one has the *right* to hurt another person and, if there are children in the marriage, no one has the *right* to hurt a child either. What I have never been able to understand about a woman who would become involved with a married man is how you can expect better treatment than the wife is getting while he's cheating on her with you? A married man who cheats is a liar, he has no respect for his wife or the promises he made when they wed and he most likely has no respect for women in general. Married men who cheat all have such sad, sad stories about how horrible their wives are, which can't possibly be true since they all say the same thing. I also would never trust a married man who's cheated because what's to stop him from cheating on me? Nothing. All of his "I love you deeply" trash is just that...trash.
• Philippines
21 Dec 08
Thank you for responding. I too agree that it is wrong. I just wonder if would it justify the relationship if this turned out to be the LAST marriage for the guy. I mean what if the woman is indeed compatible with the guy's needs... Would the argument be different?
• Canada
19 Dec 08
Noone as the right to be happy with a man or women who is married unless it is your spouse.. i dont know how ones conscience would not eat at them!!! completly and utterly digusting.
• Philippines
20 Dec 08
I guess their feelings for each other blinded them so as not to see the "real face" of what they are doing. At some point they are too overwhelmed that they lost their conscience. Otherwise they would stop the relationship from the start. Thanks.
• Philippines
19 Dec 08
hi there redplum, I feel you, I was in the same dilemma as you are now. let me just tell you few things his mom told me. She said we could have met for some other reason and not to lure him to this mistake, maybe I'm supposed to bring him closer to God. She also said that by doing this we are hurting more people, that it is not in God's will that we do this. She even said that I'm to young for him (17 years age gap), if he had a daughter we could be at the same age, she even said I was looking for a father figure. As for me I was so blinded by love I know that however we look at it, it is definitely wrong but somewhere in me I was looking for someone or something that would tell me that there's an excuse or it's somehow acceptable that reality is there are just this type of relationships. He did say he love me too, that he don't wanna grow old alone (he doesn't have kids with her) and somewhere along the way he's wife left and I moved in, yet the question still hunts me (annulment is still on going for years now) Honestly I can't advice you but I just wanna tell you that there are consequences for this acts, we both know that however you look at it it is not how God wanted it to be. It's hard for me because his parents are firm believers and even thou we have kids now (which he always wished for) the fact that were still not married and that how we built our relationship started on the wrong foot will always have backfires. Honestly it doesn't make me proud that I kinda won him over the wife, I'm still the second and standards have been set, you feel like now you must outdo everything the first wife did. you're on a spotlight. You'll always know that you did hurt someone. I can't undo things now, maybe you don't have to do the same mistake that I did. I would like to tell you to forget about him but I know it's harder to fight your own feelings.
• Philippines
19 Dec 08
Thank you for responding. Your post is very enlightening because you have been there. I feel for you. Sometimes one would ask, "Why would God lead you to this person when you can not have him/her"... Had things been different then we would not have to make hard choices.. Good luck.
@paxrein (77)
• Philippines
19 Dec 08
honestly, I don't think so. It is stealing, a crime, a sin that entails guilt and fear. You cannot justify stealing happiness. If the guy says he made several mistakes with his previous relationships, chances are sooner or later he'll declare his current relationship a "mistake" too to his future "mistakes". Committing the same mistake many times is experimenting or stupidity. which is it?
• Philippines
19 Dec 08
Yes, it is, honestly.