Newlyweds: Pregnant or not?

United States
December 25, 2008 12:01am CST
I just got married on Oct. 4th of this year. So far, everyone I know has asked me is I am pregnant or when will I be pregnant. I realize that this is the natural order of things. At the same time, everyone I know has either been pregnant and/or married and then became pregnant. I want to be prepared for a child. I want almost no debt, a good job, great insurance and a little bit of savings before I have a child. Now I ask you MyLotters... why all the hype? Why is it so inconceivable that I actually have a plan to be well off before having a baby? Has anyone ever asked you these questions? HOW LONG BEFORE IT STOPS?????
3 people like this
14 responses
@Amberina (1541)
• United States
25 Dec 08
It probably won't stop until you have a baby and when you do the next question will be when are you going to have another one? They never stop with the baby thing it's up to you both when to have a baby when they ask you again just tell them "When it's time we will have one". Or you can ask them when they are going to have another or something along the lines of directing the pressure off you and back on to them. I think you are very wise to wait until you can afford a baby.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
25 Dec 08
actually, this is happening because those persons just want to appear well meaning. trying to show that they are also excited to see the coming forth of a baby in the family. the question now is, are they truly happy to hear that i will have a baby soon? or it could be only a matter of courtesy or curiosity for most of them. but as always, the choice is on the person concerned and the move is all confined therein. so, hold on to your plans and do not be adversedly influence by anyone's prodding. after all, it shall only be the parents who will handle all the responsibilities when the baby is out.
@apples99 (6556)
• United States
26 Dec 08
Hi there I think that when it comes to motherhood you cant let other people pressure you thats somthing that a husband and wife has to decide for themselves its natural for your loved ones to be a little anxious for you to have children but you have to do what feels right for you, and no one else can make that decision for you, and I think its good you want to take your time and make sure your ready, and enjoy your marriage before you have kids theres nothing wrong with that having a child is a wonderful blessing, but its also a big responsibility and its you and your husbands right to decide when. and I think that once your loved ones realize that your in no rush, they might start to let up a little. Happy new year.
@silverglint (2000)
• Philippines
25 Dec 08
I think those questions are like topic starters, you should not let it bother you that much. Its also a good opportunity for you to start a conversation of how you want to be stable first before you have a baby. You might even end up enlightening your friends of the importance of financial stability.
@munhozmib (3837)
• Sao Paulo, Brazil
25 Dec 08
Hello, amyers06! There is no need to rush. You have an entire life ahead of you to have your baby. Keep some time together with your husband, and see how things works. Wait some years, perhaps two, perhaps four, but until you get established in the married relationship. And then you can start thinking about your baby. Do not expect to be rich before having a baby, though, just make sure you will be able to raise it well. People have this costume of asking things like that. You do not need to get angry. Just realize that people have different opinion. Tell them that you have plans before having a baby, and you want to put a child that you can actually raise well in this world. After you have told that to everybody, they will probably stop asking. Respectfully, Munhozmib.
@kerriannc (4279)
• Jamaica
25 Dec 08
Intelligent persons know that if you are waiting until you rich to have a child that will not happen. Anyway when someone suggest pregnancy to you just inform them that you are not in the position right now for a baby. Baby is a responsibility that one should not run in to. All the best for the new year.
@UK_Shree (3603)
25 Dec 08
People probably will ask you without meaning to make you feel under pressure. You need to do what is right for you and that means having a child when you feel the time is right. Take your time, enjoy the early days of married life and plan to have children when you want. Good luck!
• Philippines
25 Dec 08
amyers, i understand your predicament. when marriage was still so far away from my mind, i was thinking of preparing myself enough first before getting into it. i must have laid the foundations for a stable family life. now, i came across with a man who didn't share the same idea. we got married with much preparations. then, i just promised to myself that i will give myself at least two years in order to be prepared for the coming of my first baby. also, it didn't happen that way. life steadily became miserable for me. for i married an irresponsible person. go ahead, keep on pursuing your plan at stabilizing first before having that baby. that is a very correct, a very right way to start out with family life. good luck and may life keep on smiling at you and plans as you carry them out to reality.
• Philippines
25 Dec 08
I think all newly weds and haven't conceive yet are also victims of that constant question. It wouldn't stop until you get pregnant. There are always people who would try to ask questions that you doesn't like to hear or comments that you would like to avoid. Just be use to it from we can't stop people for asking that question.
• Philippines
25 Dec 08
i got married the same month as you did but differ in year, it was 2006. its a normal thing that people will expect you to be pregnant few months after the wedding, and some would think that you got married because you are pregnant. like me, my mother and sister keep on asking me every month if im pregnant. they only stop when i got pregnant which is 3 months after the wedding. i would suggests that dont get pressured by people if you are not yet ready to get pregnant. take you time until both of you are ready. its another big responsibility to take on.
@Margarit (3676)
• Philippines
25 Dec 08
Mostly here in my place get married because they are pregnant i think almost 90 percent, if i am not mistaken. I usually ask this question to all of my friends before they get married and 9 out of 10 says yes they are pregnant that is why they get married but if they are not pregnant i dont think they will. I have only one friend who is not pregnant when she get married and later discover she has a problem about her health in getting pregnant up to now. I think it is a trend today having a baby first before tieng a knot, but still if possible i dont want to get married because i am pregrant but i want to get married because i love the person.
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
25 Dec 08
Good for you and that's really the way it should be. However it's not like that for alot of people. Alot of people marry early because they've rushed everything else too. Don't worry about it and be proud to smile and say your just getting married because your in love.
@j47lee (740)
• Canada
25 Dec 08
I am in the same situation as u... i got married august 23rd.. and my mom was telling me to get pregnant in november.. and i said nope...dont want to rite now.. but she is like at least have one for now.. but rite now.. i am still in university.. and dont have a job.. i want to get myself established first before having a baby... plus if i want to complete school.. i need someone to look after the baby.... and its hard to deal with school and a baby...
@noniefam (284)
• Indonesia
25 Dec 08
if u love someone n have married. u should have pregnent otherwise ur hus will leave u cause baby give us more joyful when we sadness
@lotdj11 (73)
• Canada
25 Dec 08
Some people start to ask this kind of question, maybe because they are caring for you. Or maybe they just want to have more topics..anyways...and if you have so many relatives and neighbours who know you very well and have a good relationship with your family. They would continue to ask everytime you meet with them.Unfortunately you will get sick of that. Well, if you consider those conversations as concerns. You would be much happier !!! And you ask why you want to plan before baby comes? That's because not only you desire a better life without risk, but also it's your desire. Am I right? Every women would also think like you. It's just normal. Just do whatever you want to do for your new family! Happy Marriage!