Critisism
By katsmeow1213
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
United States
December 26, 2008 5:29pm CST
I'm in a rather bad mood today for various reasons, and feel like ranting over something. One of my other discussions keeps bringing up memories of my MIL, so I think I'll rant about her and how critical she is of me.
This woman has critisized everything she could about me. She once critisized me for giving my kids sippy cups at a young age. There was a time she came over to my house while I was cleaning and announced it as if she were surprised "Oh, you're cleaning". She also makes a comment about how tired I look every time she sees me, and laughs at it as if she expects me to never appear tired. Well I'm sorry, I'm a mom of 5 including one that's not even a year old yet and still not sleeping through the night. Of course I'm going to be worn out all the time. I give all my energy to the kids, not my in laws.
It's always something.
At Thanksgiving it was my cooking. One of the dishes I make for holidays is green bean casserole because the kids and I love it. I make it with frozen green beans instead of canned because I think they taste better. She of course critisized this "Normally people used canned green beans". She actually spit it out of her mouth! She didn't bother taking any green bean casserole yesterday at Christmas dinner.
Now, as some of my friends already know, I've been wearing glasses for the past few weeks due to an eye infection. Normally I only wear contacts, but I haven't bothered buying new ones because of the holiday season, so I've been wearing my glasses all the time. I do plan on buying contacts again soon now that my eye is completely healed, and I'll be wearing the contacts most of the time again.
Well, MIL hasn't seen me in glasses in years, so when she came over yesterday she commented on them. I said something to the affect of getting my contacts again soon, and she huffed at me and said in a rather snotty tone "There's nothing wrong with wearing glasses". I never said there was anything wrong with it, I just don't like them, I prefer contacts.
I have no idea why she's so critical. There are times when she tries really hard to make me like her. She's always asking my husband why I don't like her, and she claims to be upset by the fact that we don't have a good friendship, yet she critisizes something about me every time I see her. It really irritates me.
Do you have someone in your family who's very critical of you? Do they have a way of saying something rude about you every time you see them?
Go ahead and share your rants. Get it off your chest!
1 person likes this
6 responses
@irishidid (8687)
• United States
27 Dec 08
Where to begin? When you have a child that is showing symptoms of something wrong and you find things that help, you do what you can. From the time she was very tiny my daughter showed signs of Autism. Of course I didn't know what it was at that time but I knew certain things upset her so I did what I could to avoid them. As much as she allowed me into her little world I was there, other times she wouldn't tolerate anyone even looking at her. One of these times was when she was eating. You didn't dare even glance at her or she'd just about go livid. At the age most babies were barely able to take in spoons of mush she was picking up tiny bits of food and feeding herself. It was a texture issue as a lot of moms of Autistic children can agree.
So onto the in-laws. They criticized me constantly over issues with my daughter. Never looking once to see how well adjusted my older daughter was or my son was later on. I remember my sister in law telling me I just didn't know how to feed my kid and she could get her to eat with a spoon. It took about three seconds before she gave up in disgust. Most of it because she realized I was right.
Now the in laws are pretty much out of our lives. I've been divorced for some time and for awhile they did come around, send the kids birthday cards, etc. but even that has stopped in the last four years. I figure it's their loss.
1 person likes this
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
27 Dec 08
That's just a shame they had to make you feel that way. I'm sure you already had plenty of your own bad feelings for your daughter having such problems. None of my children have any issues like that, so I can't pretend to know what it's like. But I'm guessing that there's a very small part of you that already feels like a failure because of your child's illness. You don't need other people's comments on top of that.
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
26 Dec 08
It must be really hard for you to have someone like that constantly on and on at you, I am surprised you have not exploded at her. It would upset me to have that all the time. I dont have someone like that as such but I do have a hard time with certain members of hubbys family, well one, I feel she does not really think much of me, she never actually shows it as such but I just feel it and things have happened and I know she is never on my side and it hurts more than anything. Sometimes I feel like I am on a giant merry go round that will just not let me off and the same things keep happening over and over again until I just feel sick of it lol!! I only hope that when my kids grow and start getting partners, I can be good friends to them as well as my kids.
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
26 Dec 08
You see that is where I am lucky as I have none of that, in fact unless we go to see them we never do!! My hubbys parents are divorced and we hardly see his dad apart from once in a blue moon and his mum is the same so we have to go over to her, we go to her on a thursday when she plays darts, it is a night out for us together too then.
@laglen (19759)
• United States
27 Dec 08
Ok, so to balance your rant about your MIL. When we were planning our wedding, my MI and I did NOT get along! She had issues with me in a bad way! I finally stood up to her. She was a bible thumper, so I countered her with verse. That was in 1995. WE have been great friends since. I got divorced in 2001. My ex is now engaged. His fiance and his mother don't get along at all. It kills him, because we are still the best of friends, I have to tell you, this has been a great help to me! Not very pleasant for him!
@GreenMoo (11833)
•
6 Jan 09
Could it be that your Mother in Law is as critical of everyone she knows, not just you personally? I know several people like that, people who don't seem to be able to say anything at all without making it sound negative. I think the habit is so ingrained in them that they don't even realise that they're doing in. Sadly for them, it makes them unwelcome visitors and unpopular people to be around.
There's a chap in my village who does nothing but moan to be about the other people and the area. I feel like asking him why he doesn't just go somewhere else if this is such a dreadful place to be!
I'm lucky in that I'm not close to anyone who's like this and I don't have to suffer them regularly. I feel for you Katsmeow!
Perhaps you could make a game of it and make a bet with yourself before you meet her next about which aspect of your life will be first in line for her negativity! A bit like Bull*h*t Bingo in dull work meetings, it makes something unpleasant pass faster! I think you'll have to learn to live with it somehow, because I doubt she'll change after this many years.
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
6 Jan 09
I'm guessing she's critical of everyone, or at least everyone in her family. She's been critical of my kids, of my husband, of hubby's sister. She just doesn't know when to keep her mouth shut. She's lost her daughter now due to the critisism.
Unfortunatly this isn't the only issue she has. Actually she has many, and at this point I'm so angry with her that we won't be seeing much of her at all anytime soon.
1 person likes this
@lvaldean (1612)
• United States
27 Dec 08
Seems to me you need to blow up more often. MIL doesn't get the reason you don't like her of have a close relationship? You are kidding right?
Is she this way with others or only with you? Is your husband an only child or an only son?
If he is one or both of the above this might explain her behavior by the way.
I have lots of people both directly related to me and related through marriage that drive me crazy. There are times that I want to strangle them and other times I can let their silliness simply slide right over me. Depends on my mood I guess. It is hard though especially when it is family that you are constantly feeling as if you are under attack from.
Oh the stories I could tell.
My MIL, before I was married tried to have my husband exorcised. Yes you read that correctly. She believed strongly that he was possessed this being the only reason he could possibly be with me, attracted to me, or otherwise committed to me. So she figured she would gather the church bishops and pray me out of him.
I have been married for nearly 10 years now but still my MIL will ocassionally demand that my husband return home to her. That he owes her more fealty than he owes me, his wife.
The list can go on and on. I have gone to head to head with her a time or two believe me. She thinks that she can demand respect simply on the basis of her status as my MIL, not. I have told her that my respect is earned based on her behavior only. I am too old for games. Act right you get respect. Act badly you get my wrath.
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
27 Dec 08
Okay, my MIL doesn't look so bad now compaired to yours, lol. She's never rejected me or anything. In fact she does treat me as if I am her daughter too. Hubby and I were discussing it last night and trying to figure out why she does this. I'm not the only one she does it to. She makes comments to hubby too, but he ignores them, he's rather used to it. Hubby has a younger sister, MIL has made comments to her too. The sister doesn't communicate with her parents anymore, partially because of the comments.
Hubby and I have decided that his parents are just controlling and think their way is the best, and we should do things their way.
But I told hubby last night that I won't be inviting them for any holidays anymore. Between the things she says to me, and the way she treats my children, it's not worth it for us anymore. That means they'll be having holidays alone since their daughter won't speak to them either, and our holidays will just be us and the kids. It's a bit depressing, I don't feel like it's a holiday unless we have some company. But alas, I think my sanity and my children's sanity is more important.
@lvaldean (1612)
• United States
28 Dec 08
See for the most part I just laugh it off. She is who and what she is as am I. At the end of the day we aren't going to change each other so we have learned to leave it alone. She has figured out what my buttons are and not to push them, she doesn't like the outcome. I am always respectful of her home and her place as my husbands mother, until she steps over the line then she hears about it.
She can insult me all she likes outside of my hearing. To my face? Well she gets as good as she gives, usually better. I have a far sharper wit.
Essentially I have rules of courtesy. I follow them and expect others to do so as well.
