Why Are You Asking Me As A Friend And Then......

One thing I have noticed is that almost all of my friend request are from non-North Americans, I believe only one 2 people from the United States have ever sent me a friend a request on Mylot. So I'm under the assumption that people from the United States are not friendly friend seekers here on Mylot..LOL ( Mind you, I live smack dab in the middle of the United States )..I'm also way behind in answering my discussions and my friends discussions and I think it's strange when you have friends that delete you because you are not able to respond to every discussion they post on here. I'm very aware that we all can't be on MyLot 24.7 replying and posting non-stop, so I personally understand that people have lives outside of the internet and I will not delete them as a friend for it.I have many MyLot pet peeves at the moment outside of this friend requesting discussion.People find "us" threw discussions, and the more a person post and responds on mylot the more visible they are to the new members who newly join.You ask if it bothers when new users ask for my friendship? no, but I don't understand why they ask if they never bother to log-in to mylot again after they sent me that friend request ...There a lot of things MyLotters do that puzzles me as well!

This puzzles me as well... How on earth do these people find us!?!?!? The other thing is the people that you accept with say four posts and they stay at four for many months.....why do they join and ask for friendship and then do nothing let alone respond to mine? I just don't get it ~Heavens~

I have a long list of friends. Some of them responded to a few discussions that I have started. Quite a few give their regular contribution in my posts while there is quite a number which I have never received not even one post from them. Anyway I reason that the more friends you have the merrier.

I think that they see you start a lot of discussions or they see you responding to a lot of discussions and then they think to themselves, wow, that person should be my friend, i bet they will answer my discussions. LOL. I do a profile check myself pye, almost every time. Or once in a while i do housekeeping and delete people i dont recall or are inactive that were not real good friends.

Hi Pye, I also wonder why they ask me to be their friend. It is like they just go through and pick everyone. I have had a few ask me and then when I do, send private messages to try and have me sign up under some program they are a member of. It normal starts off with "Hey! Sorry I haven't written in awhile, ... yeah, like NEVER..lol "I ain't stoopid" so come on..I turn all new friend's notifications on, and if they spam me or just invited me to become a mark for a program, I go back and turn the notification off and delete all PM's from the user. Some people...

When I get someone asking to be on friends list I also look at their profile. I look at their interest, their friends list, the discussions they have started and or responded to. I think some people find others with a lot of friends on their list and just go down their list and ask them to be their friends also. I could be wrong but that is my only explination.

I think they probably go to their interests to ask for friends. I really have started checking them out before accepting. Part of the not responding is maybe they do not have notify on or go to the tab for friends discussions. I answer alot of posts but only ones that I can contribute to.

I haven't started a discussion in ages, so I can't be offended when people from my friends list don't respond... However, to respond to your first question, I rarely respond discussions you've started because most of them are very long and I don't have the patience to read through the entire discussion... That, or the topic doesn't interest me much. As of the friend invitations, the new members add people like you and me randomly, or from the top users list. I am sure that at least 3 of my recent friends found me on the top users from my country p[age.

Most requests I have are from people who have less than 100 posts. I denied those with limited posts. Also, I clean my friends list once a while. It is always mutual. I may not want to respond to some discussions and they don't want to respond to my discussions. I always check my friends discussions first, but my discussion notification is ON only for few friends. I noticed that notification ON is not working for few good friends, so I have to check their profile once a while...

DOnt bother me as if they are new mylotters I think they dont know to turn on the notify botton. So they can get your post so they can respond . and LIke you I wonder how they found me and what prompts them to ask me to be friends. I do go look at profiles see if they have posted anything or what post they do resond to . If they have some of teh friends I have. As soon as I accept them I go to the frfiends list and turn on the notify tab. And am still not getting many emails from the new ones so thats what makes me think they havent hit that notify botton

Baaah... it has been like that for me since I joined 2 years ago. I still have about 150 friends after deleting 50 of them... But if I ask a question... I get about two answers. So I gave up asking questions. I don't have much to ask anyway... since I know everything.

I always check out profiles, too. I used to check out the profiles of the 'zero' pointers, but often found they had been accumulating friends like crazy even though they'd done no discussions at all. So, if they have zero, they get denied. I still don't know how they find me, like you don't. It does bug me because it's not how many friends you have, really, that helps you. You MUST participate. Collecting friends isn't participation.

It doesn't bother me too much. I would imagine that some of your discussions, or responses, were of interest and that's why you got the friend request to begin with. It's possible that new members forget to change the notify switch for each friend on their list. If they don't set it to 'notify is on', then they wouldn't get the email notifications whenever you've started a discussion. I do go through my list occasionally to delete the ones who've had no activity, or responded to my discussions or comments.

I have been talking about this very thing in several different discussions today. I've had one friend request sitting in my list waiting for a response for three days. She has been a member of mylot for over a week and hasn't made one comment or started one discussion yet. When I first got the request I checked her profile. She did have two friends. I guess I should check again and see how many more she has collected. In fact I have quite a number of friends on my list. I used to accept everyone who asked irregardless of whether I could see any thing in common or not. But out of all my friends only about five or six ever comment on anything I've written. I'm thinking seriously of going back through the friend list and checking the profile on all the others to see if they are active at all. Maybe I should just weed them out to make room for the ones who really are my friends.

Well, we came together a long while back by a mutual friend. I do wonder how some of these people find me, & I am a known reporter of guideline violations. That also would be something that would scare people away - knowing that I would check them out. I also do have discussions, particularly some of my favorite music, that they may or may not be able to answer. Then there's also my April Fool discussion that talks about pranks & practical jokes. Some have pulled things as bad as telling a cat named Pyewacket that his fur is on fire, & watch as they jump into a pool or a bath tub filled with water & turn into a water-logged cat. Someone even went as far as either typing it out word for word or got around that 500 minimum to copy THAT discussion as their own, & then request my friendship. However, when I went to report it, the discussion vanished, & they pretty much got cleaned out. I think someone did start a similar discussion that turned into a flame war a few months ago. That discussion did end up getting deleted. Would you use it if mylot decides to do an "add enemy" sortie & button?

I understand what you mean as I face the same problem.For a very long time I never denied any request but as you say these dont even bother to respond so only now I am thinking of going ahead and denying people who have never responded to me.It does bother me.

I really don't pay attention to that stuff. I just accept friend requests. On occassion, I go thru my friend list and I'll delete any that are not active. It doesn't bother me at all. I have friends on here that hardly ever respond on my discussions. I assume that they don't see them or they are not anything they can relate to. Still, I will respond to theirs if I see it and it grabs my attention.

I can't say it bothers me really, but it is definitely one of MyLots Unsolved Mysteries, and it never fails to boggle my mind. You're right "How do they find me??" I will check their profile page and more than half the time there is not even a discussion that we replied to in common! Or they are some good little christian who has seen one of my replies in a discussion where I was waxing poetic about my kitties or something, and they not seen any of the ones where I'm blasting christianity in a what to them would probably sound like the voice of their devil. In those cases I just let them sit there while, hoping that they will forget all about the request, so that when I do reject it they won't even notice. I had one girl here send me a request sometime back. She had never responded to any of my discussions, I don't remember how our paths initially crossed but I do remember wondering why she was so determined to have me on her list. We 'had words' on one of the first few discussions of hers that I had responded to and she deleted me from her friends list. I was like 'whew'! A few months later I got another request from her. I'm like WTF??? I accepted it again, except now she was ignoring my replies to her discussions! So I sent her a PM telling her that I was deleting her because I could not understand why she wanted me on her list to begin with, since we had nothing in common. I didn't want her to take it personally, or attach all her own significances to the fact... which she did anyway. I got an email back from her that was amazingly revealing... and not in an attractive fashion!! She accused me of being paranoid and a few other not very tasty tidbits that were so obviously a projection that it was impossible to think how she missed observing it herself!!! It was a vile and nasty email and an exceedingly unpleasant situation. That experience with her was what got me more deliberate about the friends requests that I send or accept. I like to get to know someone a little bit before we 'commit' to a friendship, hehehe. It works so much better that way! But I really really love it when somebody sends me a request and I go to their profile page and find a treasure trove of discussions they have started that inspire a response from me. Sometimes I will wait to see how they take me before I actually accept the request, but other times I am feeling so enthusiastic that I accept it as soon as I finish responding to their discussions. I think it would be a great idea to have a little 'why I am sending this friend request' box that you have to fill out in order to send it... sort of like an 'introducing myself' line. Not only that but a little 'rejection slip' you can send back for the ones you do not accept, so that you can say why you have not. I do not like thinking that someone is thinking I 'rejected' them based on some personal shortcoming of theirs, hehehe.

This may not be the answer for everyone...but...I remember my first week here & I learned the importance of friends on myLot. A friend of mine had commented that you would make a good friend & I would enjoy your discussions. So I requested you be my friend. At that point I had less than 5 people on my friends list. I must admit that I had not seen even one of your discussions. My friend wasn't wrong!!! As I went into various discussions, I found people I liked & requested their friendship. Then I went to their friends list on their profile page looking down their list. I chose people with high post counts assuming that they had experience & I could learn from them. I then requested to be friends with those. I don't care why people ask to be my friend. If they participate in my discussions, fine. If not, their loss. It costs me nothing to let someone be my friend. I'm out of nothing if they don't contribute. Therefore, I don't have time to worry about who does or doesn't participate. I do know my real friends here & I try to be sure to participate in their discussions. Some days I make it & some days I don't. Taking care of Dad a couple days a week tends to limit my time here & my ability to concentrate. Some days are good...some are not. The one thing I know for sure is I don't have time to keep up with who participates & who doesn't. Still I can name those who truly do!!! NO, I'm not going to delete the ones I can't remember participating. I seldom refuse to add a friend's request & I have NEVER deleted one!!! Also, some days notifications just don't work & I assume that maybe they don't know I started one.

I'm not sure if this answers your question or not, but when I first joined, I read a lot of discussions under the mylot categories to see what kind of advice people were giving new members. I didn't want to ask a question that was already answered previously. Anyway, there were a few discussions that people were suggesting to get as many friends as you can. Ask anyone and everyone to be your friend because that will increase your chances of people reading and responding to your postings. It explained that you have to do that to get your discussion the most exposure possible. Hope that helps.