The Seven Things No One Tells You about Marriage.
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
United States
January 2, 2009 3:19am CST
I just read this good article on Yahoo. The 7 things are:
1.You will look at your partner and ask is this it?
2.You will work harder.
3.You will go to bed mad and wake up madder.
4.Getting your way is usually not as important as finding a way to work together.
5.A great marriage doesn't mean no conflict. It simply means a couple keeps tryingto get it right.
6.You'll realize that you can only change yourself.
7.As you face your fears and insecurities, you will find out what you're really made
of.
Ever since I can remember I knew I didn't want to marry. As I got older I change it to I didn't want to marry anyone I loved already. Reading this article Now I know why I could Never marry, period.I am too interested in getting my way. I am too lazy to do all this hard work. And most of all I am too impatient and I have too much of a hair trigger temper. Do you agree with these seven things? Married people, are there other facts you would like to add?
1 person likes this
14 responses
@ebsharer (5515)
• United States
6 Jan 09
Let me start by saying I wish that you had linked the artical I would have loved to see the entire thing not just the paraphrase. Becuase I didn't see the artical I have to go by what you said and I am going to respond to the ARTICAL accordingly for me.
1. You will look at your partner and ask is this it?
Not all couples fall into is this "it". For me I never really felt is this it till my husband and I started having major marital problems. When he and I couldn't get along for 10 minutes I thought to myself is this it. Is this what I signed up for? But then I fought just a little harder for my marriage to work and guess what it did. We are doing pretty well now. I mean things can always be better but thats why its marriage not dating. Marriage isn't all fun and games dating is. Marriage is REAL life.
2.You will work harder
Of course you will work harder. Your an adult and married or not things are harder as an adult. Why not have some one to share those hard times with rather then have to face them alone. I know there are many things that have happended to me in the last five years that if my husband wasn't by my side I don't know how I would have got through them. Its like I said above dating is fun marriage is real life.
3.You will go to bed mad and wake up madder.
NOT TRUE! In the begining of my marriage actually the first 3 years we never went to bed mad. When we started having problems we started going to bed mad. But the reality is when I woke up in the morning I let things START OVER. Meaning I forgot every thing that happended the night before and started a new day. A good couple won't go to bed mad. We weren't always a good couple. I'm glad we are again.
4.Getting your way is usually not as important as finding a way to work together.
So very true! Most of the time when it some thing that matters you already agree thats why you became a couple to begin with. The trival things like where to go to dinner or who's doing the dishes are the things you have to work together on. The bigger things like do we want kids have already been decided. If you can't compermise (work togther) on the little things then you weren't a good couple to start with. Take my husband and I again. When we seperated we both agreed that it was best not to disterb our daughter so on his weekends he came to the house and I left. That was a big thing. The small things like what brand of milk we bought - some thing we would compermise on before became the arguments.
5. A great marriage doesn't mean no conflict. It simply means a couple keeps trying to get it right.
May all your ups and downs be under the sheets. Every couple is going to have conflicts every relationship (friendship, mother daughter, father son, husband wife) is going to have conflicts. When you give up on those conflicts thats when you didn't get it right.
6.You'll realize that you can only change yourself
This one makes me laugh because it rings SOOOO VERY true in my relationship! I have come to realize that at 32 years old my husband is ALWAYS going to take his socks off on the couch and leave them there! I have come to realize that I will ALWAYS have to remind him its garbage day! I have come to realize that he will NEVER bring home flowers just because. So I have changed MY train of thought. I have come to realize that I don't need him to move his socks - I can do it. I don't need him to remember its garbage day I can remind him. I don't need flowers just because - because he kisses me in the shower, because he vaccums when I don't ask, he rubs my back when it hurts and so on.
7.As you face your fears and insecurities, you will find out what you're really made of.
I know what WE are made of. I know that him and I togheter are a power couple. I know that I don't have fears and insecurities any more. I did then he proved himself to me.
Marriage isn't that hard when you are with the right person. I know that marriage can be hard times VERY hard but if its ment to be - it will be.
2 people like this
@ebsharer (5515)
• United States
6 Jan 09
http://www.mylot.com/w/discussions/1616148.aspx
http://www.mylot.com/w/discussions/1636454.aspx
http://www.mylot.com/w/discussions/1686666.aspx
http://www.mylot.com/w/discussions/1755876.aspx
these are the discussion I stared on my marriage and the problems we were having. Take a look at get a little insite on what love is.
1 person likes this
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
7 Jan 09
I t the don't equate love with marriage. For me, it would have to be one Or the other. I am so glad you and your hubby are doing so well.Your post has made me Really understand that I am not wife material. I could Never go to bed and be ready to start over. I am too vengeful.How can I explain. It would hurt more to play like I have forgiven whatever it was than to remain angry.About the socks. If he left the socks near the couch, that's where they would stay until he picks them up. I would assume that's where he wanted them. and I wouldn't remind him about the garbage.Either he remembers or he doesn't.I never wanted to be a mother, so why would i act like his.And flowers.I never like it when a guy brings home flowers just because. I have seen too many films where that bouquet meant he Really did something wrong.
With that said.If I love a man, I could follow all the vows as long as we don't get married.He would have more of me and my time if we don't get married.I Know I will like him more.And the love would be deeper. And most of all, I would tell him don't bring me Any flowers.They don't mean the same thing to me.So I am a girlfriend not a wife.
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
3 Jan 09
For a family obligation or to have children.Or for the money. I am too old fashioned to marry just for love. There has to be another reason. For me, I never thought of trying to mix love with marriage.Here on My Lot I have heard from friends that can work but it isn't for me. I just know my love would turn into hate real fast.
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
2 Jan 09
I can see moving heaven and earth for love but not a marriage.I rather be free to choose if I want to work that hard than have to do it for a husband.
@rogue13xmen13 (14403)
• United States
3 Jan 09
Marriage isn't a job, it's one hell of an adventure because you never know what your significant other will be like after you get married. Some people remain the same, others change. Some people cannot stand to be with the person that they are with after several years, others still love that person in they same way they did when the relationship first began.
@rogue13xmen13 (14403)
• United States
4 Jan 09
Love, sadly, is complicated. It is hard to keep any relationship going after a long time unless the couple is really willing to commit to making it work.
1 person likes this
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
7 Jan 09
That's is so true, married or not.
1 person likes this
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
4 Jan 09
Exactly. I would assume that my husband would change for the worst, and so would I.What ever love we had would be lost in the first year.
1 person likes this
@cripfemme (7698)
• United States
13 Jan 09
I'm not married, but I've observed lots of married people and long term couples. I think a key is remembering what you love about the person, even when they are making you angry.
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
13 Jan 09
It is safer for me to remain single. All the reasons I love about him would be the first thing I would forget if I Really get angry.The more times he makes me angry , the less I would love him unless he Really apologizes. I mean from the heart. Not a bouquet of flowers.
@aisaellis22 (6445)
• United States
19 Jan 09
Hello sarahruthbeth22! Honestly, I never encountered like those things yet. I mean I just recently got married last year and now we are far from each other yet because of immigration. Everytime, I got mad at my husband he usually ended up saying sorry eventhough it's my fault and we won't sleep until the problem wouldn't be resolved. But if you choose not to marry anymore, well, there's nothing wrong with it actually. We are all different individual and if being single would make you happy. Go for it!
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
19 Jan 09
i am glad to hear you are happily married and I am sad to hear that you are separated by all the red tape of immigration. I wish you two are reunited real soon. Take Care.
@aisaellis22 (6445)
• United States
19 Jan 09
oh...you're so nice sarah..thank you for the wish..you just don't know how lonely it is to be away from the one you love..
@Polly289 (269)
• New Zealand
3 Jan 09
At least you know and understand yourself well enough to know what you don't want. It is certainly a wise person who can work this out before they jump headlong into something that may or maynot work. It is hard work, to be sure, but sometimes it can also be rewarding. Wish I had known all thos things before I got married. Might have had a totally different life. Oh well, not to be. No point belabouring it, eh?
Sorry, I don't have any words of wisdom but I do agree with those statements.
1 person likes this
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
3 Jan 09
It is never too late to meet your soulmate . And if you two want to get married , at least you will know that it takes hard work.Follow your bliss.
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
2 Jan 09
I think this is pretty good and it doesn't only apply to couples you can use a lot of it with every relationship in your life. By You I meant everyone
1 person likes this
@ronaldinu (12422)
• Malta
2 Jan 09
Hi sarahruthbeth22, this is a very negative view of marriage. As a married guy I can say that it involves a lot of sacrificies. It implies to forget yourself and make alot of sacrifies to keep the relationship running. However there are lots of positive things in marrainge. Sharing, having fun together, intimacy.
1 person likes this
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
3 Jan 09
But I could share more and have fun and feel more intimate with a guy that isn't my husband.We both would be there because we Want to be there and we are free to leave if we can't get along.Knowing me, I wouldn't have the patience or the desire to share anything with a husband.
@thrwbckjay67 (2870)
• United States
2 Jan 09
Yeah, I just saw the same article on Yahoo! It was interesting, I know that I've gone through some of those myself in the 2 years that I've been married so far. I know the "sleep on it" rule and how that really doesn't work, but there are others that I found to be interesting as well. You know, I never really thought of any of these, but they are really true. I wish tehre was more for me to add to them, but I think this list is pretty accurate.
1 person likes this
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
2 Jan 09
I hope reading the article will help you have a happy marriage. Has your spouse read the article?Would it be a good idea for them to read it?
@jillhill (37354)
• United States
2 Jan 09
That pretty much sums up what I went through in my marriage..but I should have never married him in the first place. I don't want to marry anyone either unless I really love him and find we have enough in commmon....I know most of these are true...and the older I get the more my list of things I would want in a marriage grows...and alot of it leans toward me having my own way! LOL
1 person likes this
@coffeebreak (17798)
• United States
2 Jan 09
I saw that but didn't bother reading it... most likely written by someone that has never been married like most of those kinds of articles often are! Marriage doesn't mean anything it seems these days as divorce is to easy and finacially lucrative for the mothers. #4 is a joke...that's just what starts the divorce thoughts!
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@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
3 Jan 09
#4 is a main reason I would never marry.It would make me more angry to play like I was wrong when I was right about something.There would be peace but I wouldn't be peaceful for long.
@arthurSung (59)
• China
3 Jan 09
I think, the reason why the life is wonderful is that you have only one chance to do something. Though divorces are becoming more usual in nowdays, few people like them. So it is, you have onle one chance to choose marriage or not. I believe that you can not understand thoroughly the marriage itself untile you go to the marriage. It is useless to listen to the experiences of others.
1 person likes this
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
3 Jan 09
I think it may help to listen to a happy married couple once you get married. no two couple is the same but there could be some genera advice that could help.
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
3 Jan 09
I agree. The best way I know to preserve my love is not to mix it with marriage.Love and understanding is key, marriage isn't.
