Help For a Friend

United States
January 3, 2009 12:17pm CST
Okay, I have a friend. Her and her Bf have been going thru some things. It started he wouldn't come home at night and then it led all the way up to him cheating on her twice. He said once but we have met the other girl. He treats her bad, says realy hurtfull things and treats her like crap. Wouldn't help her with the bills no nothing. I know she should leave him, but how do I help her see that she will be okay. He keeps smooth talking his way back in and hurts her over and over. When I first met her she was full of confidence and held her head up high. But now she never looks up and she let her self go down. please help me help her
4 people like this
8 responses
• United States
3 Jan 09
If she loves him unfortunately until she is ready to see with her own eyes the only thing you can do is be there for her. You can remind her of what a great person she is, if she could get back her self confidence she would realize she is worth more than what this guy is doing to her. Women get knocked down and feel they are not worth being treated any better, the only way to help is to help build her back up, remind her of her dreams and accomplishments, and mostly again what a great person she is. I have a website that has some inspirational stories, maybe some of that will help. Don't make it seem as you are trying to get her away from this guy or you will just be pushing her further to him and that is not what you want. Let her know whatever choice she makes you are there for her and if need be to pick up the pieces once again. Peace and smiles
• United States
3 Jan 09
I know but their relationship is pushing me away because every time she calls or comes by she is talking about what he has done and then if she is over I have to put them out cause he will come over here and start with her. When he comes around it blows the whole mood. He has even tried to get my husband to go out with him.I stopped trying because it was no use to keep talking to her. She is scared to be alone.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Jan 09
If she is scared she needs to get out of it. She can make it on her own if she puts her mind to to, I have 5 children and put up with abuse for many years till my husband at the time starting abusing my children, I went from happy little homemaker to single mom of 5 in one day, if I did it anyone can.
1 person likes this
• India
4 Jan 09
i think that girl should understand a bit.she still trusts her bf and i think she still likes him very much.she should leave him and teach him a very good lesson so that he never does it again with any other girl.ur friend is pretending to be blind she doesnt want to hear anything against her boyfriend i think you should try helping her and send her on dates with pther ppl whom u think who like her i think if she fallsi n love again it will help her come out of the madness and her bf will realize his mistake.
@messageme (2821)
• United States
5 Jan 09
When someone is in that kind of situation there really isn't much you can do but point out what you see. She won't leave him or stay away from him until she is ready. Maybe it will even take someone to take his place. Have her go out and meet new people. Even still she won't go until she is ready. You can't force someone to leave someone or even to fall out of love with someone. She has to do it herself. Compliment her all the time. Show her she has confidence and is a very pretty girl. Try to help her raise her self-esteem.
• United States
4 Jan 09
All you can do is wait for her to get to her breaking point and be there for her when she finally does. She will reach a point when she has had enough. I've been in her shoes. I see what she's doing because I did it myself. You said that this is pushing you away, but please, for her sake, don't allow that. Be her friend and listen, even if it annoys you that she complains and doesn't do anything to improve the situation right now. She will, eventually. It took me 8 years,and once I made up my mind, as scared as I was, there was no stopping me. I would never have been able to do it without the support and encouragement of my closest friends. There's nothing you're going to say or do that will make her see that leaving is the best thing. I'm sorry. You sound like a wonderful, supportive friend who really cares. She needs you.
@alcazar (761)
• India
4 Jan 09
The best thing is that..she should leave her..i think ur friend is having too big of a heart..i know sometimes we feel that we should give chance to our loved ...but its time that she understands that some people are nt worthy of that chance.....i think we should nt cry over someone who doesnt cry over you....
@tammytwo (4302)
• United States
4 Jan 09
Just continue to be a friend to her and keep reminding her of her strengths. Maybe find a few other friends, male included, to ensure her of the positive traits she possesses. In time she may see he is no good for her and perhaps leave him. But she will not listen to your nagging (as she will see it). She will have to be reqady to leave on her own.
• Singapore
4 Jan 09
Hi... For me, love is a very powerful force which can even blind someone and cause them to be unable to see who is right and who is wrong. As for your friend, it is her choice as to whether she still want to be with that guy or not. We can always persuade or give advice but the final decision still lies with her. From what you said, I think your friend must had suffered mentally as she had already lost all her confidence in the past and the only way to make her recover is to leave that guy as soon as possible. Since that guy does not care about her and was always cheating on her, she should be breaking up with up and not drag this relationship for so long as the longer the relationship goes on, the more painful and stressful your friend will be. Advise her to end the relationship and do not give the guy another chance to come back and hurt her. Let her knows that there are always better guys around and she will be no lack of suitors. Also, let her know that her friends will always be there for her no matter what happened and she will be able to regain her confidence soon. Just my point of view and good luck to your friend.
@vindiku (256)
• India
3 Jan 09
If its the financial crisis that you are talking about then what you need to do is try to make her self-sufficient, so that she can keep her head high again, but if its about choosing a perfect partner, then its up to her only, because its always her call, and she will have to make that decision. There is no need to wait for cheater who keeps on insulting her again and again and hurting her. Another thing that she will need will be a true friend, who will be with her in this time of difficulty.