I am in so much stinking trouble - mom/dad used all THREE names....
By mommyboo
@mommyboo (13174)
United States
January 5, 2009 7:40am CST
Do you use your child's ENTIRE name when they are in big trouble? Why do you do this? I don't do this, I made a pact with myself when I was a kid actually because to me when you do this, it makes hearing your whole name a threat, something unpleasant, and something you don't want to hear. No wonder half the people I meet don't like their middle names or want to change their first names - or... maybe they won't even SHARE their middle names. I have had to get after my older daughter who will do this to her SISTER when she gets frustrated. I really hate it!
Granted I will use my kids whole FIRST names because I generally don't. I really like my younger daughter's middle name and I don't want her to grow to hate it because she hears it when she's in trouble. In fact, when I picked it I picked it with the knowledge that it wouldn't bother me if she decided to go by it eventually since I know several people who use their middle names instead of their first names.
Back to my question, I just need to know why! It seems petty but since EVERYBODY does it, there's got to be a justifiable reason! Almost all of my friends do it and none of them have been able to explain why.
3 people like this
10 responses
@eaforeman6 (8979)
• United States
5 Jan 09
I think it is to stress the importance and along with the tone of voice intended to be more effective lol I did do it with my kids sometimes but they are grown now so its the grandchildren who will catch it lol
@newzealtralian (3930)
• Australia
24 Feb 09
We don't do that with our kids for the exact reason you described. It is degrading, demeaning and not on the same level as them. Being authoritive like that can cause more harm than good- being a person of authority and being authoritive are part of parenting, but there are right and wrong ways of going about it.
Then of course, there is the fact that it takes much longer to gain their attention when using their full name, especially if they have more than one middle name. And what parent can afford to expend even more energy. Not me that's for sure.
We use our kids first names when we are addressing them. It is the tone of voice that tells them what the nature of our communications are. Not that they listen though, seems all kids have a selective hearing switch that they use at will.
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
25 Feb 09
Yes, it is the TONE. When the tone is severe, it usually means somebody is in trouble. I always feel irritated when I hear someone using three names, sometimes even four names. The only time it might not is with someone who generally uses two names in casual company, like I had a friend named Kristie Lee, and she actually used both names all the time. It felt weird to call her just 'Kristie'.
Like I said before though, I use short forms or nicknames for my kids most of the time, so when I am angry, I might use their WHOLE first name lol. I have selective hearing too. I can only stand a daily quota of 100 'mooooom!!!' Hehe.
1 person likes this
@violetdreams (658)
•
5 Jan 09
Sadly I can't answer your question, but will say that it is something that I don't every do and can't ever remember my parents doing either - come to thing of it. I don't think my hubbys parents would ever have done it either since he has 4 names! lol
My oldest son's (5) middle name is Henley and he accepts that he has a middle name, but the other two (3 years) still don't understand the concept of a middle name and if you tell them what it is they respond, ' No, I'm just Amber, not Amber Meg', or 'No I not Rourkie Edward, I Rourkie' (with the emphasis on the 'e' sound).
Funnily enough however, they will let us call them nicknames - Ams and Rourke or even Rourke Porkie (horrible I know but he seems to like it and he isn't overweight either, it just rhymes), but they won't allow other things like 'sugar', 'honey', 'sweetheart' or anything else like that.
As for their surname, no, that definitely isn't their name!
Violetdreams
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
6 Jan 09
My daughter is just now asking about her last name, as she's realized she has a first and middle and last name. She will ask other people about their 'other name' too lol.
I call her Ali (short for Allison) most of the time but if I have to get stern with her I'll call her Allison. I don't see any reason to yell her whole entire name though. Somehow my older kids both do it - which leads me to believe people did it to them when they were younger. I am actually step mom, they were 11 and 13, so there were some things that were already kind of ingrained in them. I have NEVER called any of them by their entire names, ever. Even when I have been really angry. My husband doesn't do this either. I hear other parents do it CONSTANTLY, at school, at playdates, in public. It makes me cringe.
1 person likes this
@leenie50 (3992)
• United States
6 Jan 09
Hi Boo,
Well, I hear what you are saying but I don't happen to agree with your thoughts on the use of all three names to get a point across. Yes, my Mom(being the main enforcer) used all three names when she was angry or wanted to make a point. And yes, I used it with my Son when he was growing up and even now(he's 28). Yes, we knew we were in trouble when Mom called us by all 3 names but believe me, when Mom was angry, she could have called us by one name and we still would have known she was angry. I'm really sorry it was so distressfull for you and left a scar that won't heal. I just know that for our family it was a way to get our attention, after all there were nine kids in our family. Even today, my Son still get a laugh out of it.
leenie
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
7 Jan 09
But why did she do it then when it wouldn't have made a difference? That's the point of why I posted this. I hear so many people do it and there doesn't seem to be a reason that cannot be refuted, do you see what I'm saying? some people say 'to get a point across' Ok... well then you have other people who say it doesn't make a difference lol. I'm stuck in the same position of not understanding why. I have my own reasons for not doing it, one because I disliked my parents doing it to me, not necessarily because I dislike my middle name. I also just don't do it, I think it sounds odd, because I associate it with 'people being mad at kids' since that's when I hear it.
My kids know I'm angry and I don't have to call them any extra names, it's all in the tone of voice and my body language. What I think is especially funny is that my parents used to call us all by the wrong names, and it was even funnier IF they were mad! We'd go 'oh no, that's not me...' and it would make them even more mad.
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
7 Jan 09
Even the last time I saw my family (in Sept) one of my parents called us by the wrong names. I have two sisters and two brothers, and oddly enough, even though my brother and I have names that start with the same letter and my sister and other brother have names that start with a different same letter, they always just ran thru us GIRLS' names when trying to hit on the right one. Of course I was no better, I started calling my daughter my SISTER'S name.... sometimes I think insanity must be proximity related! At least I always get my nieces names right 
1 person likes this
@lisa0502 (1724)
• Canada
5 Jan 09
I will go as far as using their first and last name sometimes. But they would have to make me pretty mad to do this. My parents used to always do this to me as well, and I do not understand it as well. I do not make a conscience effort not to do it, I just don't do it.
2 people like this
@Opal26 (17679)
• United States
6 Jan 09
Hey mommyboo! Oh how I do remember my Mom calling me by my
full name and I hated it! Yup! She always did it when I was
in trouble and it did leave a really bad taste for me for
my name which I had already hated! So yes, why do parents do
that to children? Don't they know that is another form of
scarring their children for life? I think that is good that
you don't want to do that to your children! What is the point
anyway? If you want to scream at your kids then why do you
have to use their whole name? What difference does is make
except to make them hate hearing the sound of it more? And
yet most parents do it anyway! I don't know what the reason
is and I don't think I ever will! I would love to ask my
Mom, but I don't think she would be able to answer the question
either!
@mercuryman3a (2477)
• India
6 Jan 09
i too have found that it happens too often.When someone is angry with you or rather is frustrated that you are not getting the point that they are trying to convey to you, they change over to callin gyou by your full name. When you hear your full name in office be sure that your boss is not too haappy with you. It is a natural fall out of frustration. Reasons are unknown but it happens. We have to live with it.
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
7 Jan 09
LOL! My bosses usually have not known my whole name, my last name obviously and because I have a somewhat common first name, I often get to hear my last name too because there's more than two of us...
Sometimes I want to say 'I know what my name is, are you having a problem remembering and need to repeat?' Yes I know, that makes me sound snarky but what can you do?
@Paula1966 (1102)
• United States
6 Jan 09
I do use the first and middle name when I am pretty upset and want him to seriously listen to what I am saying. I guess it is more of an attention getter than anything - "Mom is saying something different! I better listen up."
My son has a very LOOONNNGGGGG name because his dad and I gave him a hyphenated last name, so that would be too much to do more than the first and middles. :) My mom complained when he was born saying he would never learn to write his name.
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
7 Jan 09
LOL! My daughter doesn't really have a long name, we gave her one middle name. Now my OLDER daughter has two middle names but I did not name her, that has to do with her bio mother entirely. Even my husband wasn't really on board with that, it turned into a big deal about both grandmas or something - therefore I did not name my little one nor would I name any more after relatives for the sake of not wanting an argument.
Anyway, we don't have a hyphenated last name either but I do know some people who do. Most kids have no trouble learning how to write their names - eventually lol.
I agree about the attention getter aspect. That might be why, but it still makes me cringe. Like I told another poster, it has to do with the fact that I associate 'mad at kids' with hearing someone's entire name, and that just is not a good feeling for me as a bystander. It even makes me cringe when my friends do it! Even if their kids are being brats and DESERVE it!
Anyway, we don't have a hyphenated last name either but I do know some people who do. Most kids have no trouble learning how to write their names - eventually lol.
I agree about the attention getter aspect. That might be why, but it still makes me cringe. Like I told another poster, it has to do with the fact that I associate 'mad at kids' with hearing someone's entire name, and that just is not a good feeling for me as a bystander. It even makes me cringe when my friends do it! Even if their kids are being brats and DESERVE it!
@futuremba (97)
• India
6 Jan 09
well im not married yet, but i think iwould not use her/his entire name iwould call only her half name becouse we would in trouble ,our first step would be,is to solve the problems mainly
