Please help

India
January 5, 2009 9:29am CST
How do make a three year old to listen to you, my son does not even respond if i call his name, he just ignores and continuos to do what he is doing, he never listens and its very embarassing when i take him out, how do you make them to obey
5 responses
@GAUCI123 (1042)
• Malta
7 Jan 09
I have a three year old daoughter and sometimes I have the same problem, she just ignores me or shouts at me. However I am trying to imrpove things with her, by talking her mor oftne and expain her everything, even for example to pick up her toys. I expain to her that if there are too much toys scatered on the floor one of us will fall and get hurt, so she understands the meaings of doing things. It is a difficult age and a great headace, however with patience you will sure get attention.
@KAStew (15)
• United States
8 Jan 09
I really agree and believe in this response. No one (age 3, or 30) likes to be told to do something for no reason. Especially if it requires stopping a fun or enjoyable activity to do something not so fun. My daughter will be 2 in a few weeks, and I always explain to her why we do things. We clean up so we don't lose any toys, and so no one steps on them and gets hurt. I don't just say to her "come here" I say "Come over and help me with this". Another wonderful tactic is a countdown, I'm going to count to 10, and then it's time to come get your coat on." So she knows she has til the count of 10 to play, and then we are done. She really seems to like that, especially because she just learned to count to 10 on her own so sometimes she will even do it for me. if no matter what, your child still ignores you, even if you are in public or someone else's house, walk over, turn them to look at you, get down on their level and say "you need to look at mommy." And then state your direction calmly, give a countdown (if possible, sometimes I know it's not). Then stick to it. If he still ignores you, go get him and walk him over with you and enforce it.
• France
8 Jan 09
I'm no expert other than I have a couple kids. Parenting is not easy. For my two cents, I think with young kids you have to be very tactile to reinforce the behavior you want him to exhibit. This may sound strange, but you're training your child. Some of the principles you would use to train an animal apply: reward good behavior and punish bad behavior. Some people use spanking, but that might not fit with you. Instead, you might consider using physical touch as the reward. And he's already shown you a good form of punishment: ignore him. It works for him against you. So reward good behavior with hugs and kisses and punish by ignoring him. It takes time, patience, and .. more patience. So here's the scenario as I see it: Start with a hug and a kiss. For awhile it'll be up to you to go to him, make the connection, break him away from whatever is distracting him from coming to you. Cuddle him, repeating his name in loving, affectionate, positive phrases. He needs to learn to associate coming to you, being with you, and his name, as all very positive things. Then kneel down at his level and ask him to come to you for no reason other than to hug, kiss, and cuddle him. If you want to make him come to you to put on his coat, invite him first for a kiss and cuddle, then get on with the coat business. Always give him the reward first, then get on with the business. It takes effort, but I think it'l work if you follow this line of thinking.
@Raven7317 (693)
• United States
6 Jan 09
My son is also three, almost 3 1/2... I have noticed that he is also starting to ignore me when I speak to him. But it only happens at home, it has not progressed to outside of the house yet. Because it could be dangerous for him if he ignores me outside of the house, I am trying to nip it in the bud, so to speak. My method of getting him to respond to me is by simply taking the activity away from him that he's engaged in. For example, if he's watching tv and ignores what I say, I simply turn off the tv. This gets his attention and I say "Do not ignore me." As soon as I have his full attention and he responds, I turn the tv back on. If he's playing cars, I go over and take the car away and say "do not ignore mommy." Also, I try really hard not to yell or raise my voice alot. I know if you yell alot at your children, they WILL eventually learn to tune you out... in other words, ignore you when you speak. So I have tried to always speak to him in a natural tone of voice. I think it's the age, honestly. His behaviour is changing with his age, I believe it's referred to as the Terrible Twos/Threes. LOL. For the outings and your son not listening to you, I would suggest reverting back to treating him like an infant, and let him know what you're doing and why. For example, if he refuses to stay by your side in the grocery store. The first time he takes his hand off that carriage, put him in the seat and strap him in. Tell him, "if you want to walk like a big boy, you must hold on to the carriage at all times. If you let go, you have to sit in the carriage." I do this to my son and he listens. If he refuses to sit at the table at a resturant, put him in a high chair and strap him in. Again, tell him "it's dangerous to run/walk around and polite boys sit at the table at meal time." If he gets up, it's high chair time. I also do this to my son. So far, these methods have worked. Probably because he's not brave enough to disobey me in public yet, but to keep that from happening, I don't hesitate to reprimand him, even in public. Start these methods at home and keep it up in public. Remember, you're only trying to keep him safe and teach him manners and good behaviour. Good luck!
@irishidid (8716)
• United States
5 Jan 09
He can hear can't he? Is this just you he reacts this way to or everyone?
@bonvie (10)
• Philippines
5 Jan 09
does this happen 100% of the time? 80%? or much lower? sometimes we have a tendency to generalize about these things, when we should treat each event separately. maybe you could try joining your child instead of making him come to you. maybe he wants you to share in whatever he is doing. and if you do, maybe he'll want to do what you want to do sometimes too. it's difficult, and not quite right, to "make" children do anything and everything you want. thought i don't hold with spoiling children either. you could look at your life and your son's life as something you share with each other, not something to be imposed on each other. it all boils down to love and humility. difficult things to learn and live by, but absolutely the best. i learned the hard way with my sons, but i had to learn, and things have worked out fine. i hope they will with you too.