need some advice

United States
January 5, 2009 2:34pm CST
Hi i need some advice on this I have 2 children ages 4 and 5 Me and My ex husband got divorced like three years ago I had my children for a while then he got a good attroney and since he has more money then I did at the time we had a jury trial and he won the kids ever since that time he refuses to let me talk to them or see them and I have rights I have every other weekend and summer holidays and all that I try to call everday but he wont call me back I leave a message to so he knows if you know anything that I can do that will help me please give me some good advice thank you so much
6 people like this
14 responses
@bamakelly (5193)
• United States
5 Jan 09
It sounds like a bad situation and I am very sorry that you have lost your children through this. It is something else how a good lawyer can have so much lee way with things. I am not good with legalities and that nature but the only thing I can think of is trying to get yourself a lawyer of your own. Sometimes there are associations that can help people like yourself. God bless and take care.
• United States
6 Jan 09
Thank you so much for your advice I so appricate it It is very hard but I'm trying to do it
1 person likes this
@kareng (22489)
• United States
6 Jan 09
Yes, you need a lawyer and you will probably have to take him back to court. Good luck.
• India
6 Jan 09
yes.concult a doctor as soon as possible...
@psspurgeon1 (1109)
• United States
5 Jan 09
Well, I do know that once custody has been awarded, you have to prove the custodial parent unfit to get them back. They will not change the agreement for just switching lawyers. They consider this traumatic for the kids and try to do what is best for their mental health and emotional status. You can however petition the court to have phone access to them. My stepdad got custody of his son by proving the mother unfit and the court granted her a phonecall to him everyday, BUT if she called multiple times or was bugging they slapped her with contempt charges for harrassment.
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Jan 09
Thank you I don't call mulpltle times I do call everyday cause he hasent let me talk to them for over 4 months now its just so hard
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Jan 09
Is he letting you have the court ordered visitation with them? If not then you can definitly do something about that. Also, it wouldn't be hard to get a phone visitation thing added to the court order. I wasn't trying to be rude at all, I'm sorry if it came off that way.
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Jan 09
Oh no It didn't sound like you were being rude at all I thank you so much for your advice. Yeah he's not even letting me have my visitation at all and I have phone visition to but he refuses to give me that to
1 person likes this
@Margajoe (4718)
• Germany
5 Jan 09
I am sorry to hear that. It must be very hard on you. I was divorced when my children were young as well. My ex tried to get them from me as well. But, I left him because he was not the father I wanted for my children. He could not even get along with money. ect. Anyway, I am great full I got my children, but it was a very hard way to go. I had to work hard everyday and in weekends, I had no time to really have fun with my children. I had to live with my parents. All 5 of us in one house. It was okay. What I am trying to say is, both sides have there good and bad. If your ex is a good father and looks after them good. Then try to enjoy the times you do see the children. I don't think his new women likes it either when you call everyday. It does not help matters. Though I understand your concern. Try to relax. My children are 23 and 21 know. I wish I would have had more time with them. I was working , working and working... That is not easy either. I hope this helps a little. Take care.
• United States
6 Jan 09
Thank you the problem is that he dosent let me see them or talk them
1 person likes this
@Margajoe (4718)
• Germany
6 Jan 09
You don't see them on the dates that have been made? Every other weekend and in the vacation times???If you don't see them, like you are suppose to, then you must take action. Go to your lawyer and get some more advise. But, that you cannot talk to them in between, is very normal. As long as you get your visits on the right time. That is very important. For you and the children. Good luck, take care.
1 person likes this
@wjcp2008 (106)
• China
6 Jan 09
I'm sorry to hear this,I think I can feel your sorrow.And I think he is doing things illegal,so you can go to the court and make he get the punishment he should get.I hope you will win your children back.
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Jan 09
Thank you so much
1 person likes this
@youless (100180)
• Guangzhou, China
6 Jan 09
I am so sorry to hear that. I know it's very upsetting for a mom. If your ex husband treated your children well, then it's OK. Otherwise I think you have to try to fight for the right to bring up your children. And it's wrong that your ex husband does so to you. You have the rights to see your children. I think solving this problem by the legal way is the last option. Perhaps you can try to talk about it with him at first. And then you talk about it with his family and friends and perhaps they will help you. At least they will talk to him and perhaps he will change his mind. After all, you were couples in the past and for the sake of it, both of you shall be nice to each other. And it's better for children. It's already sad for them because their parents get divorced. If both of you hate each other, it will be worse. I love China
• United States
6 Jan 09
Thank you yeah I tried talking to his parents but they won't talk to me cause I divorced there husband cause he was abusive to me and they thought there man was so nice and sweet they saw the brusies on me everyday I just don't get it
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Jan 09
Well you can do 1 of 2 things take him back to court and fight him for your kids again. Or the next time its your turn to visit with your children and he refuses to let you see them call the police and report him for violating a court order. Make sure you have all the most current paper work with you showing that you have visitations and that he is refusing to let you see your children. If that don't work get a lawyer and charge him with custiodal interference. I am sure that you have more options but those are the only 2 I know of personally. Good luck to you children need to have there mommy in there life as well as there daddy.
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Jan 09
Thank you so much yes I do agree with you on that one that they do need both parents in there life I would never ever try to withhold them from there father I just wish hed let me see them thank you so much
1 person likes this
@robert19ph (4584)
• Philippines
5 Jan 09
hello kerril1981, So sorry to know that you can't even see or talk to your two kids. You can get a lawyer though who is free if you can't afford to pay. Just ask, so can file a petition about it. You are the mother and you have the right to see them and be together once in a while. I know the hardship that you are suffering right now. You need to be strong and get yourself together in one piece. Whatever the reason why you lost over your husband, correct it. So can win your children back.
• United States
6 Jan 09
Thank you very much
1 person likes this
@hmkoct5 (2065)
• United States
5 Jan 09
It sounds like he is breaking the agreement that was court mandated. Legally, he cannot refuse your weekends and holidays. He is breaking the agreement and I would tell him that if he doesn't start to honor the agreement, you will obtain legal counsel. Hopefully, the threat alone will scare him. If not, contact your local government office and ask for assistance finding a lawyer. They should be able to help! I hope it works out for you.
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Jan 09
Thank you so much yes it does
1 person likes this
@lisa0502 (1726)
• Canada
6 Jan 09
I am not sure how things work where you live but here in Canada my husband had the same problem with one of his exe's. If you have court visitations you should be able to report to the courts and file a complaint every time he does not let you see the kids. You do not need a lawyer for this, then eventually you can appeal to the courts that he is not holding up his end of the court order. I hope this can help you.
1 person likes this
@baileycows (3668)
• United States
6 Jan 09
He is in contempt of a court order. Start documenting everything and take him to court. If they find him in comtempt he will have to pay attorney fees and if he keeps doing it they can revert custody back to you. I dealt 3 years with my ex husband.
1 person likes this
• India
6 Jan 09
I think u should try and talk to him about the situation and try to work out things between u and him.You should ask him to put your differences aside for the sake of children. The children do not have any fault in this and he should also understand that. take care. God Bless
1 person likes this
@ajrox1810 (992)
• India
6 Jan 09
Keeping a kid away from the mother and a mother away from her kids is one of the biggest sin in the world. Maybe you should go to the court, complain about this and get at least one kid at your home. Maybe he is too scared that if the kids start loving you more than him, which is very much obvious, then he will have to lose them. Regards, AJ-Rox
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Jan 09
You can petition the court to have the issue of custody and/or visitation revisited sicne he is not following the court order. You will have to provide proof. Start keeping a journal of attempts to call and how often you get return calls. Also keep track of your efforts to have visits with your children that have been denied. Also see about getting an impartial third party as a witness to some of it so that they can provide you with a signed affidavit when the matter goes back to court. Depending on where you are and on what grounds they gave your ex-husband physical custody over you there shouldn't be a problem with making the situation more fair.
• United States
6 Jan 09
Thank you very much that helps a lot I appriate that thank I will try that and I will keep a journal
• United States
6 Jan 09
I was going to comment to this, but LuvBrown said it best. If you have visitation and you aren't getting that, then your ex is in violation of a court order. You can petition the court again or in all honesty you can have him brought up on contempt of court because he's in violation of the court ordered visitation. A journal? You would be surprised on how helpful this is. Keep it to facts and make sure you have all your dates and times correct. When I say keep it to facts, don't put in there that you were disappointed you never got a call back or that you miss your children. Keep it factual because it will hold more weight if you have to go to court again on contempt charges.
1 person likes this
@skysuccess (8880)
• Singapore
6 Jan 09
kerri1981, Some people just take sometime to get back to their senses. Whilst they are still visiting Oz they will never be able to do anything objectively and logical. So, I think the first and best thing to do would be to take a step back and wait for the other party to cool off. This retreat on your part will also be good for your children as there is simply no point for them to witness the unnecessary unpleasant bitterness of their parents. It will also be good to plan ahead on how to keep tabs with your children and what to say to your ex-husband when the both of you meet up. Try to come up with an amicable and acceptable term. Avoid using lawyers as they are not actually representing anyone's interest and the money can be better spent on the children. It may take some time but you should never be too impatient. Rashness here will only makes things worse. Use your time wisely. Take care and have a nice day.