Should dead beat parents be able to still have visitation rights?

@Pleiades (846)
United States
January 5, 2009 10:14pm CST
When I left my ex husband, I asked him for some money, plain and simple to help pay for my babies expenses. He didn't send me a single red cent. Yet, when we were in the courts, the judge was angry at me for holding the children away from the father because of the money issue. My ex is also very far behind in child support payments with his first wife so I don't expect him to be current with mine. But, he will want to see the children. Why should he still be able to get that benifit of spending time with them if he doesn't pay for child support? I find this...wrong. Yes, I know that children need both their parents, but why should the custodial parent give her all when the non-custodial parent get away with nothing? They shouldn't be able to get the benifits without paying for it, ya know? *Pleiades
2 people like this
9 responses
@ladybug565 (2217)
• United States
6 Jan 09
love for your child has nothing to do with money. they are seperate issues. I am sorry if my views are different from yours and i mean no offense to you. I think if the only issue with him spending time with his children are related to money then the judge is right. have a good night.
@Pleiades (846)
• United States
6 Jan 09
It's not just the money issue...it's a responsiblity issue. You go to work and get paid.
• United States
6 Jan 09
that is true but the court can garnish his wages,take his drivers lisence, take his taxes etc. If the court finds that he has the money to pay and is Willfully not paying his support they can throw him in jail. I agree 100% that he should be paying you support for your children and he is irresponsible in that way I just dont htink that keeping him away from his children is good either if he otherwise treats them well. I honestly dont know your whole situation, I do however know the mental harm it causes children when we keep children away from a parent...lifelong issues and pain. I truely wish the best for you and your children.
• United States
6 Jan 09
Hi! I do understand your plight...I can imagine how hard it must be to raise the kids alone with zero contribution from the equally responsible other party . I think you are right in feeling angry and exploited. However, bottomline is kids , who are completely innocent as fas as your separation and your ex-husband's behavior is concerned suffer amidst all this. They need both of you, in whatever way possibel for a semblance of normalcy, balance and healthy growing up and I feel both of you as parents owe it to them!I know you are doing all your best and strugglingf or their good and that you do feel angry at your husband ..I would feel teh same. But at the end of it, no woman can be the father of her kids, they will need him no matter what..so just let it be. You can continue fighting for your right i.e., he paying up for child support but let him see the children..Believe me some fathers dont even want to do that and the children feel so miserable and incomplete..so left out and undeserving..theyw onder of this is so because of something they did...
@baileycows (3668)
• United States
6 Jan 09
Yeah I don't think that is right. In fact my best friends husband ex wife got remarried and because Joel was 6 mths behind in child support she got her new husband to adopt his daughter and the courts allowed it because he was 6 mths behind. Now he does not get to see her but 1 a month on the 1st weekend.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30989)
• United States
7 Jan 09
I feel your anger and understand it as I raised 4 kids on my own with little to no help from dad. In fact I still have one at home. he does not pay any support at all and rarely sees her. My daughter has tried and tried to form a relationship with her dad. If he did actually come thru for her, i could not bring myself to interfere. I think that rather then looking at it like "he's getting all the benefits" that you should look at it from the kid's angle...they are at least getting something from him. Again...I know it is hard to look at it from this perspective and I know only too well how it feels to be both mom & dad and carry all the financial weight. It's really tough and I have felt the same anger that you now are feeling. It took a bit for me to understand that support and visitation are two very different issues and aspects of parenting also. They really are tho. What the judges need to do is be more pro-active about getting these guys to pay and also be more fair in the payments they award. some guys get raked over while others slide by barely paying a dime. It is definitly a messed up system.
• United States
6 Jan 09
I think it is always a tough situation. But I also know that in this case if you keep them away that they will probably resent you. Children do not understand child support. And being a step-mother I understand how difficult the other party can be at times.
@lisa0502 (1726)
• Canada
6 Jan 09
I can see your point in this. But you have to think about the kids. The kids need their father in their life. Also when they grow up are you really willing to tell them that daddy could not see them because he did not give you money? Us as adults can understand and sympathise with you and your situation but a child can not. Your child might resent you for this later in life.
• United States
6 Jan 09
I do think they should still be aloud to see the kids I could use but do not want any money from my sons father I do however want him to come and see his son and spend time with him the issue here isnt money there are other ways he can help other than with money Maybe its the way I look at I just look at like hes and old friend that wants to come take my child out of my hair lol lol God knows I love him but hes like a big rubber ball in a empty room lol lol but yeah I think he should beable to see the kids
@earthsong (589)
• United States
6 Jan 09
As a mom that's been there, done that, I say it is wrong to keep the kids away from the parent simply because they don't pay. They are wrong in not paying, don't get me wrong. They had a hand in creating the child and they need to step up and help support that child. But despite the fact that they aren't doing their part, its going to hurt the child, and potentially make them angry at you, to keep them from the other parent. I cannot stand my ex, I happily wished he'd drop off the face of the earth (and sometimes wished for far worse fates) but my kids deserve to know their father and make their own determination about him. He has long since given up rights to my kids and my hubby adopted them, so we don't have to let him see them any longer. But if my kids asked to see him I'd allow it. Thankfully they know he's a jerk and have no desire to see him.
@kprofgames (3099)
• United States
6 Jan 09
I have to say I don't agree with that. I think that is playing with the children and that isn't being a responsible parent then. Child support is awarded through court, if the ex is in contempt, it's as easy as doing garnishments. It's that simple. There are cases where the father isn't involved with their children. I can understand the frustrations of they don't want to see them or help support them; however, a parent that does want to still be there should be allowed to see/spend time with their children. If it's a money issue, then take it to court, but the way I see it. If you hold a child back from seeing the non custodial parent all because of money?, then you are just as petty as he is for not taking responsibility for them and their emotional needs.