Advice on my mother

United States
January 6, 2009 9:45am CST
Hi! Its been really hard for me with my mom cause my dad past away 6 years ago and she remarried 2 years ago which I have no problem with that, its just that now since she has a new husband they both want me to call him dad I don't feel comfortable with that. Then I have a adopeted sister who I loe with all my heart well she moved away and of course I moved away to cause I'm married, but everytime I try to call my mom she never just sits there and talks to me all she does is ask about My sister and have I heard anything from her. I want to know If I'm acting jelous about this whole situation or not.
2 people like this
8 responses
• United States
6 Jan 09
I don't think you should have to call him dad. He is not your dad and will never take your dads place. You need to stand up for your self in that matter. Explain to her and to him that you do not feel comfortable calling him dad. As for the asking about the sister I think thats normal. My inlaws do that to my husband all the time they never want to hear about us and what we are doing they just want to know if we have heard from his sister or his brother and why they dont call home any more bla bla bla. LOL. I wont talk to them when they call any more due to that. I figure if they want to know something about me and my family they can ask my sister in law when they talk to her. On a serious note you need to express how you feel to your mom. Your not being jealous just let her know how it makes you feel.
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Jan 09
Thank you very much. You give great advice
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Jan 09
awww well thank you I do try.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30987)
• United States
6 Jan 09
First of all, it is not fair for them to expect you to call this man "dad". He is not your dad and if you don't feel comfortable in calling him that then you shouldn't. As for your sister, yes, you are acting jealous and it is perfectly understandable why you would be. Your mom seems to not be aware of how she is making you feel. I think it would be good if you could call her and talk to her about this and if that is too difficult, how about writing her a letter telling her how you feel. The way you explained it here is respectful and very understandable. I'm sure she isn't meaning to make you feel bad but if you don't speak up and say something, the situation isn't likely to change.
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@shebeck (116)
• Jamaica
6 Jan 09
firstly, I don't believe that you should call you mom new husband which is actually your step dad, dad, he is not your biological father and if you are not comfortable in calling him dad you need to tell your mom plus you are an adult now so the dad thing will no work with us adult. Try telling that to 3 years old. Your mom need to respect your opinion on what you are comfortable doing so try talking to her. Also it seems that your mom visible shows more preference towards your adopted sister and talks about her alot. Is it that there's so much happening for your adopted sister that your mother is concerned about and wants to know if she is doing OK. You should try and talk to your mom and let her know how left you feel when she focuses all her conversation on your adopted sister. Good luck
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@snowy22315 (95546)
• United States
6 Jan 09
I don't think you are. I think you need to be honest with your mom and tell her how you feel. I would ask her why she is always asking about your sister and not you and the fact that you don't feel comfortable calling her new husband dad. That is not terribly appropriate in my opinion. Your dad was your dad and that is that.
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
6 Jan 09
Hey there, I think sometimes you just have to tell something you do not feel good about to the person involved. Then only can you really find the answer to the questions you have in your mind. Maybe you think your mom do not care about you but it may be a case of she not expressing it rather than she completely do not care about you. I think communication is important in any relationship.
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@gegechen (13)
• China
7 Jan 09
I think you have the right not to call him dad .Because you don't feel comfortable to do that .There's no need to tell lie .But sometimes we have to do so .Not for us but for our family .It will make everyone feel uncomfortable if you don't call him dad include youself .But it will make your mother ,your stepfather and so on feel pleased if you call him dad .China has an old saying "respect for elders ."So I think it's necessary for you to call him dad .You can set a good example for your children at the same time .Image that you have the same problem with your mother .Whether you hope your children will call him father or not . It's my first response .Maybe there have many mistakes .I hope you don't care .
@gracie04 (4554)
• Philippines
7 Jan 09
I guess you need to be honest with your mom.. tell her how you feel about it..
• United States
7 Jan 09
You should not be expected to call him Dad. It is not jealous of you. What I would do is sit both of them down and explain your feelings about this. And explain to them you are not going to call him Dad because that is not comfortable for you. Also I would explain to my Mom that I want to talk about other things other than talk about my sister. That there is things I would like to talk with her about things that interest her and I. They should understand. If they don't I still would not call her husband Dad. They should respect your feelings on this.