January 7, 2009 6:07pm CST
So I'm dating this guy who has 2 sisters. One of those sisters is married, and the other is engaged. I'm starting to have some doubts about my relationship since my boyfriend isn't turning out to be everything I thought he was (he's sort of childish and self centered). Well, in the past few months his sister's fiance and I have been hanging out a lot at family functions since we're the 2 newbies. He's a really awesome guy and we have a ton of things in common. We both come from sort of strange dysfunctional homes, have 2 younger brothers, love traveling (and both have extensively), are both very book oriented and wordy, are both pretty laid-back and quiet, and have the same strange sense of humor. She's very needy, always wants to be the centre of attention, is hyperactive, isn't brilliant by any stretch of the imagination and hasn't been anywhere. To boot, I've known her for years (although was never close to her) and she's never dated a guy remotely like him. I'm no homewrecker, though, so I'm not pursuing anything, but at the last function we were talking a lot and during the board games, we kept finishing each other's sentences. Needless to say, people started to notice and I think he felt as awkward as I did. We didn't speak for the rest of the night, and he left without saying goodbye to me (which he never does). It leads me to believe that he probably feels something, too, but I'm not sure. It makes it even a little more curious when she confides in me that he's become a bit of a groomzilla since Christmas, putting his foot down about plans that they'd already talked about not doing (getting married somewhere else, etc), and generally being difficult. To me, his ideal wedding sounds perfect (small, intimate, on a tropical beach, with just family and close friends). To her, it's the antithesis of everything she wants. I feel so helpless, because it honestly feels like this man might be my soul-mate and he's due to wed my boyfriend's sister in August, and it tears me up inside that I can't do a darn thing about it.
• United States
8 Jan 09
Your boyfriends sister and her fiance must have something in common or else they wouldn't be engaged. If you not sure about your boyfriend break it off. Don't go messing around with someone elses relationship though. If you break up with your boyfriend, and the sisters fiance calls off the wedding and comes looking for you then it was probably meant to be. Otherwise run don't walk away from a potentialy messy situation.
• United States
8 Jan 09
Ok, I may not be a great expert to advise here. But i guess, the question you need to ask yourself is "do you love your boyfriend? do u think you can have a serious long-term relationship with him?". If yes, I would not worry much about the sister's fiance. If you think your boyfriend may not be good in long-term and you feel that guy is the one sounds more promising in long-term, then probably you can take this to next level. i.e. approach that guy and discuss casually... you gotta spend some time alone and think hard in such cases. take your time. thats what will help. dont decide hastily. good luck with whatever you choose cheers
• United States
16 Jan 09
First, you can't always control how you feel. It's ok to feel like this. But to do something about it is wrong. No matter how much you feel you're his soulmate, he's getting married. As long as that's in the works, you shouldn't say anything to anyone about it. Even if you two would be perfect for each other, that doesn't matter. What matters is if you cause problems in the marriage, it will always be between you. He'll always look at you as a cheater. If you were willing to break up the marriage, how can he be certain you won't leave him since you were so willing to leave your boyfriend for him? Until you've broken up with your boyfriend, and/or he's broken up with his fiancee, anything between you will be tainted. I know women who've dated men that were married. They wind up marrying him, but they have their friends always watching him. After all, he cheated on his first wife, why wouldn't he cheat on them? I've seen that happen 4 times. Why on earth would they marry a man who is willing to cheat on his wife? He did it once, he's gonna do it again. Do you want that taint on any beginning? Is it ever worth it?