How do you define true friendship?

United States
January 9, 2009 6:50am CST
Lately, I feel as though I'm surrounded by people who would rather "use me" for something than be social. For example, they'll call me only when they need me for something. And, when I'd like to get together, they're always busy. Are you facing or have you faced similar situations? If so, how did you resolve them? If not, what do you recommend for someone who is going through something like this? Are these people your definition of true friends?
3 people like this
24 responses
@klaudine (3651)
• Indonesia
9 Jan 09
I can't tell you about how the true friendship was, because I fought with my best friends not so long time ago. I believe it must be something in us, or them that would never match, because we are human beings and human beings are unique. I don't really care about a friend using me, because it is on my decision. If I don't want to go with them, so it is my choice as well as if I want to go with them. If they don't want to go with me, it's their choice, because everybody has their own privacy, even friends. I believe true friendship would know how to handle their friends. Like, you would know when they would be busy so you wouldn't ask them to go with you at that time and you can refuse their invitation if you're busy. I think the true friendship is in the bond of feeling not on the going out frequency
• Philippines
9 Jan 09
i like this answer. i too share the same thinkin on friendship. you will not be used if you do not allow them to use you. plus the fact that maybe your friends are all working and since you are not busy you expect them not to be busy too. i guess your friends dont see this situation as serious because its just about going out. heres a tip, if you have a big problem and they back out on you then its right to decide that they are not your real friends only people you hangout with on a not so busy night.
1 person likes this
@klaudine (3651)
• Indonesia
12 Jan 09
Thank you. Well... I think it is easy to know which one is your true friends and which one is not. When you caught in a problem and they solve it with you, they're a good friend. If you're caught in a problem, they help you and tell you what's wrong so you would never caught in the same problem again, then they're the true friend. I mean I know some friends who would just help me, because they are kind to me, but they never tell me what's wrong with me so I kept doing the same mistake over and over again and I believe people like that is not a true friends
@agrim94 (3807)
• India
8 Feb 09
every acquaintance is not a friend and true friend you can only know when you are in trouble. There are lots of guys who tell you that you are their friend only to turn their backs when you need them. A true friend is some one who may not attend your calls properly most of time or might ignore you sometimes but when you need him at anyday and at anyhour he shd be the first one to rush in. A man who is ready to fight for you with tooth and nail and someone who may not be there in ur happiness but definitely there when ur sad and someone who wont take offense on things u might tell him good or bad... but all this has to be reciprocal.. one sided friendship can never sustain.
• Indonesia
4 Feb 09
i dont care about some one use me. i just want to be their best friends. let me tell you what i think.. "Let me be a papper for U.. so U can WRITE your FEELINGS SCRIBBLE your ANGER Use me to ABSORB your TEARS Dont throw me after u use it But when u feel COLD BURN me to feel WARM"
@ashveen (301)
• France
10 Jan 09
cnt rilly define it..but i know its rare!!
@stormy09 (438)
• United Arab Emirates
10 Jan 09
You know honestly speaking I am doing the same to my friends.. but it doest mean that I am only using her for something, but the thing is that I am really very busy, I always told her that if u are going to ask me out pls. try to make it sure that it was my off day.. Just try to understand ur friend maybe they are really busy,...
@mods196621 (3656)
• Philippines
10 Jan 09
Once we said true friends she is true to you not using you whenever she want your help she calls but after that she never call at all. Anyway that was not the hardest issue of being not true, definitely she has the reason why she does not always call. For me true friend is helping whenever you need help not only for the money matters but in all aspects as how she can help a friend. Doing all this with love and affections. More showing of concerns and the most of it is give and take partners.
@wjcp2008 (106)
• China
10 Jan 09
Actually,I didn't think about this problem.I believe in my friends.And I think it is true friendsip when you called friends.I heard it:You won't feel uncomfortable with your friends,even without speaking.
• India
10 Jan 09
I met many such people in my life. They call me when they nee me, but are always busy when I need them. When i find out that a particular person is such type, i start doing the same thing to him. I pretend to be busy always, and keep the relation until it is needed, and then suddenly cut off. But then i have met true friends also in my life. Friends who really thing about me, get beside me in my good and bad times. So friendship is not a meaningless and vague word. But you need to choose between the wrong and right person.
• India
10 Jan 09
yes, a real friend is in need and a friend is indeed
@annjilena (5620)
• United States
10 Jan 09
don,t seek friendship let it come to you, and that friend will not want anything from you.just be yourse;f and when thoses so call friends want from you don,t be affraid to say no.a friend will make time for their frind and want to spent time with you.never choose a friend only wants what you can do for them.because once you have done it they move on to the next sap.remember this you are worth it and you have a beautiful personlity and you are a loving person.so don,t just settle for just any friend check out what a real friend is.http://annjilena-thingsweneedthemost.blogspot.com/
• Ireland
9 Jan 09
Friendship for me would mean a bond between two individuals who even if they don't share the same ideals they still understand and keep each others point of view. That even if you have gone different ways you're still the kind of friends who will stay with each other through all the pain, ready to listen to what you've been through, your woes and lose and still remain friends.
@sins1984 (32)
• Sweden
9 Jan 09
hey Explorations buddy... don't feel so bad about friends... it is very usual that if u have 10 friends, among them hardly 1 or 2 would be there who fulfill your social needs, the others would be just like as u said "who would rather use me for something than be social" and it is quite normal anywhere u go... i mean... u know "a friend in need is a friend indeed" n this is wt i call true friendship.. i think u will also agree with me... so come on n let me be your 'friend indeed'... n if u agree with my thoughts.. than just send me a friends request.. then i'll think that we r friends now.. so wassup??. ... :-)
@marfidec (20)
• Brazil
9 Jan 09
I havent many friends perhaps because I have my things quite a lot mine. When I was a little boy and a teenager many times I got disappointed to try to share my things with non confidence people. I think it has caused a kind of trauma, so that until now, when I am married with two children, I'm not safe to open myself to people even they are near me.
• United States
9 Jan 09
I can totally understand where you are coming from. People only call when they need something or when they need some advice. I have gone through that more than once. Sometimes I just basically tell the friend, that I am busy, and I won't be able to talk at the moment. I'm not sure if that is a definition in saying that they aren't a true friend unless when you have problems as well, do they come to your assistance or listen to you when you need advice. If not, then they may not be a true friend. But I'd say if you're fed up with having your friends use you like they do, then maybe its time to stop being available to them. Learn how to say no sometime instead of saying yes.
@Polly289 (269)
• New Zealand
9 Jan 09
I think I answered a question similar to yours not that long ago, but a true friend is one you can call on in times of need and vice-versa. They'll be there for you no matter what. If you have friends who seem to be using you, lose them. Just make new ones. It isn't that hard, ya know. I do it all the time. I'm not saying I've given up the old ones, simply made new ones to add to my list. Come to think of it, I did have one friend who only rang me when she had a problem. Don't get me wrong. I don't have a problem helping people out but it all seemed to be a bit onesided. Haven't heard from her in over a year and not really missing her either. Plenty of other things to occupy myself with.
@NeoBug (106)
9 Jan 09
True friendship to me is the one to whom you can tell that i have murdered a person dude so what can i do now? the trust that u have is the true friendship. so far i have never experienced anything of that sort as you specified so my suggestion woud be stay away from those people.
@mikeysmom (2091)
• United States
9 Jan 09
i define friendship as a person you do not have to be in touch with constantly to maintain the bonds of friendship but one that you can just pick up where you left off. everyone has busy lives and problems and just because someone is not in touch all of the time it does not mean they are no longer your friend. it just means there are other things going on in their lives. a true friend will understand that and not question it. true friends are there for you when you need them no matter what.
@CRIVAS (1818)
• Canada
9 Jan 09
I think that the first thing that you need to do is tell your friends how you feel. They may not even know that they are doing it and might try to make things better. If you do that and they still don't seem to change, it might be time to find some different friends. I have very little patience for anything aside from my family. I used to have a lot of friends but as the years passed I started to notice the same things as you. They only called when they needed something, they never had time to go out or come to my place and finally I just gave up. I have 2 very close friends now, I have known both of them for well over 12 years and they have never changed. My best friend moved to another city, despite that fact, she still calls me everyday and whenever she comes to our city to visit family, she always leaves a day that she can come to visit me and my family. If these people are really your friends they should treat you with respect and it doesn't seem like you are feeling respected. I hope that my response has given you something to think about.
• Australia
9 Jan 09
A true friendship is emotionally supportive. It helps you get through the tough times and you shouldn't feel used but feel better about yourself being in that friendship. I haven't faced such situation in my present friendships as we treat each other equally and i'm glad about that. How would i resolve such a thing? when i get asked out again i'll reject the invitation with a decent reason. If you're ignored because you're not much help anymore then it's definitely not a true friendship and it's time to end it. Easier said than done but you don't want to be used forever and be stuck in this friendship.
@bellaofchaos (11549)
• United States
9 Jan 09
Here is the thing friendship is a two way street and sometimes it isn't. There are times when friends depend on their friends more for a period of time and other times when they don't. Let me ask you a question Has the people that you're surrounded by that right now, giving you the feeling of being used, Have the only ever used you or have they been there for you? What I'm trying to get at is that you can be friends with someone for years and years and not have them really need you need you.. Remember what is important to you(ex. values and thoughts) may be different to them .. Something you might see trivial might be major to them. As a friend sometimes we fall on hard times and look to our friends for help in that period of time. Be there for your friends but by no means make yourself a revovling door or a matt for them to wipe their feet on. I have had a couple that I was friends with and for years and years the only time they ever had the time to bother with me and my other half which they were friends with first was when they needed money, food, a ride, or help. It was always a one way street and then one day I had enough. I was done. I helped them and treated them as family but I was done being a door mat it took me years til I made the decision. But it wasn't a decision made lightly. If the only thing these friends have done for you is take take take and use use use and they never ever once treated you as a friend and did friend like things such as talk, go out, get together, then maybe you need to reflect on the friendship.. But before you go and do anything rash the first thing a friend does is talk to the other friend or friends about how they feel and address the problems in the friendship to see if they can be resolved.