How do you say no with out hurting her feelings?
By Haloman
@Haloman (122)
United States
January 10, 2009 1:42pm CST
alright so the story here is... I just got out of a relationship with a girl who basically ran my life for the last year or so. it's been 3 weeks and I am really starting to enjoy my freedom BUT, i met a few girls about a week and a half ago, they;re roomates, one of them is really cool she just wants to hang out and be friends but the other one took a liking to me right away, a really big liking. so now she's always calling me and texting my cell phone and messaging me whenever i'm online and i am really truly flattered but there are a few little problems here. 1. where i just ended a relationship i don't really want to jump into another one right now, 2. i'm really not into this girl in the way she's in to me i mean she is super nice and everything i just don't look at her as a potential girlfriend and 3. my ex is still calling me and texting me too so it would really be unfair for me to start a relationship with this new girl even if i wanted to until my ex is completely out of the picture. So how do i tell this new girl i'm not interested in being with her without hurting her feelings or seeming like i am a big jerk?
1 person likes this
5 responses
@KellyMate (361)
•
10 Jan 09
I think that you should be aware that you arent giving her any signals that you might like her in that way. So then if you say to her that your not at the right place for a relationship right now, then she cant turn it around on you and say something like ' oh youve been leading me on' because ive seen that happen before!
I wish you the best of luck in telling her
x
1 person likes this
@KellyMate (361)
•
10 Jan 09
Im in college doing a business course :)
Do it, its such great fun! Anyway, the girl, does she like throw herself at you all of the time?
x
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@Haloman (122)
• United States
10 Jan 09
yea she sits next to me whenever she can, texts me while she's on break at work and goes on the internet to talk to me as soon as she gets home, i have to litterally stay offline or block her just to get a minute to myself. if you didn't know us you would litterally think that she was my girlfriend and i've only known her for maybe 2 weeks. right from the first night i met her she has been boderline obssessed with me, she wants me to hang out with her tonight and i don't wanna be a jerk but i just don't know if thats such a good idea....
1 person likes this
@Haloman (122)
• United States
10 Jan 09
thanks for your input i really appreciate it, i try not to be a jerk and i have made sure not to lead her on in anyway. she showed up to my hous last night and i made sure my roomate stayed in the room with us the whole time and when it came time to drive her home i got him to come along for the drive aswell, i feel bad because i know she likes me but i'm just not into her in that way or ready to jump into a new relationship with anyone else for that matter i just feel like i need my space for a little while so i can figure things out for myself, i have been contemplating returning to school to take a business course and if i was to do something like that it would require a lot of my time and attention so until i decide on that i really just need to be alone and have fun, i'm only 22, i'll be 23 next month so i still have a lot of time to figure out who i want to be with and what i want to do..... thanks again!
1 person likes this
@miamilady (4910)
• United States
10 Jan 09
Well, sometimes hurting someones feelings just might be unavoidable.
You might have to just be blunt and tell her you aren't interested.
If you tell her that you just aren't ready to start a relationship so soon after getting out of one and also that you haven't completely resolved your previous relationship. It MIGHT spare her feelings a little bit. It might come across as more about you than it is about her. But the fact is, if she is persisting and you aren't interested, chances are, at some point, she may get her feelings hurt.
You could also just try not to reply back so quickly to her text messages or calls.
Back out of the friendship gradually.
Good luck!
1 person likes this
@Haloman (122)
• United States
10 Jan 09
thank you for your input it's a great help. i have completely ignored her messages already and she just keeps sending them, it's kinda weird being in this situation i mean i have 2 girls that seem to be obsessed with me and then the third calls and texts when the other 2 aren't... i don't wanna be with any of them but i would like to be friends with all of them, most of my friends live at least an hours drive away and the reast are 18-40 hour drives away so it's nice to have somebody that i can talk to at least but i may have to lose out on this one thanks again it's greatly appreciated
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@n30wing (4767)
• Philippines
11 Jan 09
I think you just have to tell her the truth. So she will understand then letting her expect nothing at all. Then lying why your not talking to her that much. Well if she just gonna be feeling bad about it, for sure it will pass away and will get away with her system. Just be yourself, then pretending what you feel. Or tell her your like a sister to me, it's straight and simple, and easy to understand. Have a nice day to you!
@snowy22315 (169553)
• United States
10 Jan 09
I would just tell her you arent in the right place for a relationship right now.
Tell her you have alot going on in your life and it wouldn't work. That is all you really need to say. I'm sure she will get the hint. It would basically be truthful alos.
1 person likes this
@jimssaftytips (507)
•
12 Jan 09
You have to start out slow and sit down and tell her that u like her but only as a friend and u hope u can still b friends
@Haloman (122)
• United States
12 Jan 09
thanks for you input, she's a very persistant girl haha she's been talking to my brothers girlfriend lately whenever i'm not online asking about me. i am gonna try to just stay on the down low for a few days and see what happens, one of my buddies is kinda starting to like her to so i'm trying to talk him into seeing her they would be a good match she seems needy and high maitenince and he needs someone to tell him what to do and pick up after him lol
