Adopted: Mom and Dad letting go
@AmandaBarnhart (671)
Canada
January 14, 2009 12:20am CST
So I was adopted when I was only 6 mths old along with my brother. We went to an amazing family and we were both truly blessed with the opportunity's we were given that we otherwise would have never had with our biological parents.
When it came time for my parents to tell me they did so in a very unconventional way. I was 6 and my mother and I were discussing a friend who was adopted. Then she came right out and said "Oh your adopted too" Nothing else was said till they found out at 16 that I snuck out to meet my biological mother for the first time. (I was very curious and was actually told by two different sources that she was dead). My parents told me if I EVER did that again they would disown me.
Fast forward to the present. I'm 22 and my parents still think this way. My brother got found out seeing my biological parents and he 1. no longer lives with us and 2. My father refuses to call him his son any more.
I understand that parents see the biological parents as a threat but I would never love them any less. It sucks to have to live a lie, to have to live a double life when I'm home visiting family. Truth is my Biological parents did the right thing. They couldn't provide for us even for us to eat so they put their feelings aside and did what was best for my brother and I at the time.
I guess what I'm asking is if your adopted I'd love to hear your story. How your parents were how they reacted. Or if you are a parent of an adopted child how you plan to coup with the time when they are legally allowed to see their biological parents.
The one thing I will say to parents of adopted children. You will always be mom and dad nothing and I do mean NOTHING will ever change that. The best thing you can do at such a fragile time in that individuals life is to be supportive. Some adoptees go through Identity crisis' they see their family but can't see past the fact that they don't 'belong' It took me to meet my biological mother to realize the true meaning of family. Sure I didn't look like them but I loved them, cherished them no matter what. Blood doesn't matter and didn't matter to me after that fact.
I do still see my biological mom but she is a great friend. Nothing more or less. My mom will be my mom I would never think of being disrespectful and give that away.
2 responses
@AmandaBarnhart (671)
• Canada
14 Jan 09
Many thanks hun.
For me it was the little things that most took for granted. I have no pictures of me from the time I was born up to 6 mths of age. No hospital pictures.. nothing. I wanted to know my ancestral background, what time I was born, how i was at that age, if I was a pain in the rear during pregnancy. But perhaps the most important that some don't think about is. Medical history. Knowing that could save your life. Although it's on file those records should be known to you which some times aren't. I found out about heart diseases and how on my bio moms side cervical cancer runs ramped. So now I know to make sure to get checked every year and perhaps every 6 mths. Not to mention there was a family history of thyroid disease and anemia I got stuck with the anemia. etc.
@Jlyn22 (204)
• United States
26 Jan 09
My fiance is adopted. He was adopted at age 9. He lived with his biological mother up until then. She gave him up for a man who she wanted to marry and this man didnt want any previous kids he only wanted kids that were theirs not just hers. He still has contacts with his real mom but he doesnt know wif he wants her in his life or not cause of what she put him through. His adopted parents dont have a problem with him talking or seeing his real mom, they just have problem with him having a life and growing up. Hes 25 and his adopted mom treats him like hes 5.
I know other people who are adopted and have contact with both their biological mother and adopted mother and call both of them mom and neither one has a problem with it at all. They say as long as the "child" doesnt forget about them and still shows them love they dont care how many mothers they have.
I think it is wrong for the adopted parents to say they will dissown their child if they ever talk to their biological parents. If they got abused or were in danger at the time of being giving up thats one thing but if they were givin up just cause the parents couldnt take care of them at the time thats a different thing. Adopted parents should be straight forward with the child about them being adopted and let them know anything they ask about it. Cause obviously if they just say your adopted like yours did your going to get curious about it. So I think they are in the wrong for it cause they left that curiosity up in the air for you to go find out. And like you said no matter how much your biological parents are in your life your adopted parents are YOUR parents no matter what.
