Parental approval...do you have it?

@MsTickle (25065)
Australia
January 15, 2009 9:36pm CST
Now that you are a grown up and maybe even have family of your own, do you worry about parental approval or do you keep some things a secret from your Mum and Dad or do you not care what your parents think? For instance...do you have a potty mouth at home but speak properly when in the company of your parents. Do you live a secret life because your parents would "die if they suspected or found out"? Maybe you have the ability to write explicitly pornographic literature but you hope your folks never find out. Maybe you enjoy wife swapping parties (is that till done?). Maybe you like reading raunchy book and watching naughty movies. Maybe it's something like you are always in debt with your credit card at the limit. Perhaps you are a demon on the road, cutting people off, gesturing rudely and shouting obscenities? Do you hide your life from your parents or are you able to be open with them about everything? Do you consider your life "none of their business". C'mon, be honest now.
7 people like this
24 responses
@Lakota12 (42681)
• United States
16 Jan 09
he he he I always like to shock my parents. never had a potty mouth or watched any dirty shows that just isnt me. But then they dont like me to smoke or drink. But I still do and in front of them when I visit. They are pretty religous adn I am not in thier way. I dont beleive in every thing they do . They just rol their eyes and I do mine also when I learn something new that they beleive in . oh well we get along anyway.
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (25065)
• Australia
17 Jan 09
The ability to get along and accept each other is the main thing I guess. A good combination of tolerance and respect is what we should aim for.
@Lakota12 (42681)
• United States
17 Jan 09
as long as they really dont push on me to go back to chirch I will neverr do.
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (25065)
• Australia
18 Jan 09
The going or not going to church bit is hard. I'm ok with just Dad, he doesn't particularly want to get dressed up and go either...he and I are cool there. But my sister is different...she takes Dad whenever she is visiting without even asking him if he's up to it...he's 95. He goes along with her so as not to rock the boat. I go along with everything for the same reason.
@gabs8513 (48712)
• United Kingdom
16 Jan 09
I respect my Mum and always will somethings I will tell her but only things that she needs to know I never told her what went on in my Marriage but she always said that she guessed But no I live my Life, I tell her but I do not ask for approval and she does not expect it she knows I am sensible enough to work my Life
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (25065)
• Australia
17 Jan 09
It's good that you and your Mum are close. I often wish I could have been closer to my own Mum but she was quite cold towards me.
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48712)
• United Kingdom
17 Jan 09
As a Child I wasn't it has only been since I was 24 as I had it out with my Mum then how she had treated me and since then we have been fine I am sorry that your Mother never warmed to you it is awful that Mum's can be like that Big Hugs and love your Way
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@MsTickle (25065)
• Australia
18 Jan 09
I guess that my Mum had needs that neither I nor my siblings nor my Dad were able to meet.
@slickcut (8141)
• United States
18 Jan 09
I did consider some things were not to be told to my parents ...I have a smoking habit & i never let my Mom know it...My Mom passed away 3 years ago & there were still things i did not let her know..One reason i had a respect for her & also she would lecture me....I still have a sister and i would NEVER let her know that i smoke sometimes..Its more like a matter of respect & knowing they would not approve of it..I am sure there are a few other things that I kept from them...I also keep certain things to myself that i do not want anyone to know..I am sure we all do have some things we do not tell....
@MsTickle (25065)
• Australia
19 Jan 09
There are some people here who are able to be themselves and upfront about everything...and I think that's as it should be. None of us has the right to judge...not my family(brother, sisters, parents) of me nor me of my children. I know my children keep things from me...there is much I have found out and I'm sure there are details I'm not privvy to.I don't approve of things they have done with their lives but so what...it's their life and I can voice my approval and then......what? What will happen? Nothing, that's what...I would just accept that that's the way things are. You have every right to smoke if you want to slick and it is wrong to think you need to hide this from your family. Now my father if he knew some of the things I had done would probably cut me out of his will like he threatens to do with my sister. We are strange creatures.
@slickcut (8141)
• United States
19 Jan 09
you are right we should be able to be up front without anyone judging us,but as you know they will,so thats why i don't spill everything..I am very excepting & i think my children tell me more than they should sometimes and i NEVER tell them anything,but if i told them ,its a whole different story...My children are very vocal about what they like & dislike,so i just don't want to disappoint them or cause them to fuss..I really don't do anything to be ashamed of really ,but i do some things they think I should,nt..I have friends that they do not like,so i just fail to meation those when i am around them....
1 person likes this
@msmell (1378)
• Australia
16 Jan 09
Yes I have a very open relationship with my mother and could tell her anything not that there is every very much to tell her (boring arent I), but for my father I don't really know him and don't see him very often so I don't really talk to him.
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (25065)
• Australia
18 Jan 09
That doesn't make you boring my friend...to me that makes you stable and balanced and possibly even without any hangups. Wish I had half your luck!
@msmell (1378)
• Australia
19 Jan 09
oh don't worry there are still hangups ..... hahaha
• India
16 Jan 09
I no longer care for parental approval. Before my marriage, I never had parental approval…well most of the things I ever did, they did not like it or approved of it. I was the quintessential rebel, yet I know that at the back of my mind, I always craved for recognition from them. Post-marriage, I noticed that my in-laws always approved of whatever my husband did. He being the eldest son, shouldered a lot of responsibility and his parents were more than approving of his decisions. So it was a completely different scenario for me. 11 years down the line and a lot of misunderstandings and heartbreaks later, I have realized that what needs to be done by me, needs to be done…parental approval or no approval.
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (25065)
• Australia
17 Jan 09
I can appreciate what a hard road it has been for you. I'm sure you were not such a rebel as your parents made out. I was deemed a 'bad girl' by my parents and of course I believed them. It was a long time before I realised that I was not 'bad' at all. Terribly naive and easily led but definitely not a bad person.
• India
19 Jan 09
Same here and I believe that our naivete was more coz our parents alwasy thought of us as incapable of taking decisions and making a mess of everything...its a very wrong way of bringing up a child. Children should be encouraged to make mistakes (small ones, at least) and learn from them.
@mtdewgurl74 (18118)
• United States
16 Jan 09
I try not to be so potty mouthed since they go to church and try to respect them in that. I don't really do anything to be ashamed of 'darn it and I wanted to try pole dancing" but that will have to wait a few year..lol Nope never will or even consider swapping my husband and he hopefully doesn't think of swapping me. Nope no credit cards don't believe in them..all they do is cause debt I tell my mom basically everything about my life so no hidden secrets there. Naughty movies were just never my thing but can be intriguing but Romance novels are as raunchy as I get in that department.Honest..
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (25065)
• Australia
16 Jan 09
They were jut examples I could think of off the top of my head sweety. My parents (mum's gone now) would be shocked at some of the things I do and absolutely disgusted with some of the people and ideas that I admire. Oh well, never aid I was perfect and they most often think the worst of me....lol
@mtdewgurl74 (18118)
• United States
16 Jan 09
I ain't perfect so far from it I will never get wings...But I am me.. I just clean it up when around strangers or people I respect and of course my parents.
1 person likes this
• Lenox, Georgia
26 Dec 11
You know, I struggle with this a lot. My husband gets upset with me about this because he says your grown, why do you care what they think? I always tell him they are still my parents and I dont like upsetting anyone but especially people I love. It could be little stupid things or big things. They do butt in a lot when it comes to our children and I often have trouble feeling like im stuck in the middle of them...
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (25065)
• Australia
26 Dec 11
I can totally see where you are coming from. I wonder why we are like this? Maybe we grew up feeling unloved unless we were pretty near close to perfect, or to put it another way, if we made mistakes or got into trouble, we were made feel uncomfortable, bad, maybe worthless or unloved.
@bunnybon7 (40363)
• Holiday, Florida
8 Feb 09
well, mine are long passed, but when my mom was alive i still worried about her smackin' the crap out of me for things up until i was 40yrs i finally got the guts to tell her off when she was stealing my son from me.
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (25065)
• Australia
9 Feb 09
Sorry, I got a giggle out of that. My Mum has gone too. Dad's still around. He is much more mellow now...Mum was too but she was still pretty cold towards me. She was not quite in her right mind though at the end and I think that's how Dad is too and it will get worse. He's great for 95 though...96 in June.
@ellie333 (21018)
19 Jan 09
Hi MsTickle, The way one of my parents carries on it is my approval they need LOL, no I have never felt the need for parental approval but then I have never really given them too much cause for concern. I think I am me when around them, even though one doesn't drink at all I still will and I also won't allow them to interfer with my children's upbringing either but I will listen to costructive advice. Huggles. Ellie :D
@MsTickle (25065)
• Australia
19 Jan 09
I know what you mean Ellie...sometimes I feel like I am the child and my daughter is the parent...honestly. Just so long as someone looks after me when I get old...that's all I worry about. Thanks for joining in my friend..xx
@gemini_rose (16193)
17 Jan 09
Well I might be a grown up but I still keep things from my parents, a lot of things in fact!! Its terrible really but it is just the way things go I guess, I would have to say that they only know the basics of my life, the fact that I am married with kids, they know nothing of what has gone on in my life for the past three years not really, it is mad I should be able to tell them everything now as an adult!!
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (25065)
• Australia
18 Jan 09
Yes, but we don't do that because we know they would disapprove. But still...why should we let their disapproval stop us from being open with them...we have to accept, tolerate and respect them and their way of life or their life choices, why cannot they treat us the same???
• United States
16 Jan 09
well I dont speak to my mother because she has such a neg. in pact on my life and I never did live up to what she wanted me to be so I gave up and started making my own self happy I never relized what she was doing to me intill my BF kinda opened my eyes but my dad loves me just the way I am and though I may not be what he wanted me to be he loves me and never talks down to me and only give me advice when i ask for it I have a wonderful father and I swear in front of him and hes ok with it I act no different in front of him then what I do any where else!
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (25065)
• Australia
18 Jan 09
It's good that the men in your life are giving you what you need. Maybe your Mum needs you more than you need her. Maybe you can have a more positive influence in her life. You never know till you try.
@worldwise1 (14887)
• United States
16 Jan 09
I think, Ms Tickle, that if we're being totally honest with ourselves we all secretly hope for our parent's approval of our lives. When I was much younger it didn't seem to matter so much to me because I was establishing my independence.The older I became, however, I was more determined not to do things that might earn disapproval. Oddly enough, even though my mother has been gone almost 2 years now I still consider what she might think of my actions. BTW, I am guilty of one of the things in your list.
@MsTickle (25065)
• Australia
17 Jan 09
I tend to rush in and then later I think...what if Mum is looking down on me ??? You have tickled my curiosity my friend and given me a giggle.
@May2k8 (8806)
• Indonesia
16 Jan 09
Hi MsTickle, I like what my parents did and my parents think. They do anything for making the best way to make us success. I really care what they told to me, and i am worry i cannot to be a good boy. My parent always support me, how we do something use for our live. They don't blame me if i do something wrong, they only give me a suggestion don't make anything to be a something wrong anymore. Sometimes they angry to me, but whatever they do don't make me to give up. I will support them, whatever they said, they do, and they see for one reason don't blame your self and your parents to do something wrong.
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (25065)
• Australia
17 Jan 09
Sounds to me like you belong to a good and loving family May2k8. Welcome to myLot by the way...
• Canada
16 Jan 09
Growing up all my freinds thought my mom was the coolest and so did I compare to most of thier parents and it's not that i didnt have rules because i did, and i hated them like kids are suppose to. But I was always able to talk to my mom she had that gift that not all parents had she was able to be a parent set rules dish out punishment, yet still be a freind. When i was little i told her everything when i was a teen I told her almost everything every teen has thier secrets, but as an adult I am able to talk talk to my mom openly with like everything. Mind you my mom does have an open mind and does not easily get offended lol. But ya my mom is one of my best friends. I do relize this though and i feel lucky to have a mom like I have, and alot of my friends still talk to my mom.
@MsTickle (25065)
• Australia
18 Jan 09
You are indeed fortunate to have a Mom like that. It must be amazing to be accepted and loved for who you are ...totally. Good on both of you.
@p1kef1sh (45638)
16 Jan 09
Have you been peeking? LOL. As I and my parents age I have become quite different in the way that I treat them. These days I see them as adults and try to deal with them on an intelligent level. Of course they sometimes display episodes of breathtaking immaturity. Then I simply pick up my marbles and come home again. I mean to say. They should act their age!
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (25065)
• Australia
17 Jan 09
So true! I have many times felt relief to leave the family home and return to my own abode where things are "normal"...lol.
@Polly1 (12648)
• United States
16 Jan 09
I still sometimes feel like a kid around my mom. I do watch my language, but then I don't cuss that much anyway. I used to smoke until about 2 years ago, I never smoked in front of my mom. There are still some things that I don't tell my mom. As I get older, I have become closer and more open with my mom, she has also been more of a mom to me. But then I am the only one here, my other two sister live out of state. I can say we have become friends, not just mother and daughter.
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (25065)
• Australia
16 Jan 09
I know my daughters don't tell me lots of things. I find out though and I think they worry too much about what I think...it's their life, they are adults, they can do what they like. They don't need my approval. I wish my Dad treated me like that...wonder if I'm overly anxious about things?
@Opal26 (17690)
• United States
16 Jan 09
Hey MsTickle! Yup! I still do have some deep dark secrets that I keep from my Mom and I know that I always will! She would not understand or approve of alot of things that I do or have done in my life so there is no point in telling her! She is still busy yelling at me for stuff that I did over 35 years ago so what would be the point of adding more stuff to all that! lol She is 78 years old now and can't let go of the old stuff! So some things just need to stay as my secrets! It really is alot better that way!
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (25065)
• Australia
16 Jan 09
I wonder why we feel we have to hide things from them...like you, for me it's because I believe they would not understand. Things they feel are horrible, I don't have a problem with. And I guess I just don't want to rock the boat.
@ersmommy1 (12598)
• United States
16 Jan 09
My mom and I talk daily. We are friends. I tend not to keep secrets. I ask advice from her. But not approval. She raised me. So I hope she agrees with most of my decisions. But I don't ask for permission or approval. As for spouse swapping, ummm NOT!
1 person likes this
@kezabelle (2985)
16 Jan 09
I always have my parents approval and support but i dont tell them everything im nearly 25 with two young children of my own and a partner he is the one i tell everything to now. I wouldnt consider my life none of their business however im able to control my own life perfectly without their input they are always there if i need them though they are amazing!
1 person likes this
@Sissygrl (10914)
• Canada
17 Jan 09
I do hope that my mom approves of what i do, how i mother and my wife skills as well as my hosuekeeping.. lol. i do what i do though, i dont hide anything from her.