Contrasting parenting styles,one a disciplinarian,other a softie ?

@ronnyb (6117)
Jamaica
January 18, 2009 8:07am CST
In many household both parents have different parenting styles ,one parent is usually the disciplinarian and you know you don’t play with this parent .On the other hand ,there is this parent that is a "softie" and you know you can get away with anything .Did you figure out which one it was and play upon the "softie" to get what you want ?.Maybe you even begged the "softie " to ask the other one to let you go on the trip with your friends? Or it was a situation that there was one dominant parent and although you had one softie ,the dominant parent would always get his way .Or did they always discuss this issues together and present a united front? What type of household did you grow up in with regards to type of parenting styles ?Where you able to recognize the "softie" and the disciplinarian and did you like the "softie" more?
4 people like this
9 responses
@ANTIQUELADY (36468)
• United States
18 Jan 09
my parents never could make up their mind on who they were. u asked one something & they'd say go ask the other one. drove me nuts!!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
18 Jan 09
it is important for parents to have a stand on things. a disciplinarian parent is a good parent. it means that they love their children so much. this is what has made them take time to know what the child has been through. then, when a wrong doing was committed, the corrective action follows. always, parents must remember to have open communication lines with their children. children must always be made to understand the reason for the disciplinary action and what is it that the parents hope to achieve when they discipline their children that way. by the way, spanking is never meant to cause any injury to the child at all. it is only meant to cause pain which will tell the child that if a wrongdoing is committed a painful punishment soon follows suit.
2 people like this
@ronnyb (6117)
• Jamaica
18 Jan 09
I agree parents should present a united front nothing confuses a child more that indecision,might even lead a child to be similarly indecisive
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36468)
• United States
18 Jan 09
i agree.
• Philippines
18 Jan 09
my parents were disciplinarians. but, they have earned our respect because, they always took time to show how much they love. they explained to us the reasons for the need to discipline all of their kids. there is nothing wrong if parents will discipline their kids in the right way. kids get spanked because it was deserving. when a kid gets spanked, the parent will tell the child about it. why was it done and what they hope the child will do in order that no more spanking will happen again. communication between parents and children is very important. if parents will not take time to be explaining their actions to their kids, it will plant hatred in the hearts of the ones who received the punishments without understanding why.
@suzzy3 (8352)
21 Jan 09
We grew up in a household where dad always had the last word with everything and everybody he got a bit of a shock when we got older as we were not going to do everything his way and he mellowed somewhat. Things are different these days,in our house we take turns in being good guy bad guy and most of the time it works,when it looks like it is not going to work ,we join forces against our son and he will eventually see the point and fall into line so we have no softie and we have no one that is overbearing either.Most of the time we spend at a total loss to now what to do as hormones and mood swings are us at the moment,we endevour to keep things on an even keel ,which means sometimes giving way for the peace and quiet.We never really used the stick we used to use the carrot ,reasoning with our son worked out a lot better than shouting or having strict rules about anything,so far he has not got into any trouble with the police ,he has no interest in joining a gang,or running the streets and causing trouble with the neighbours,he is particular about his friends.Every now a again he will do something to shock us like kicking out a glass door at school,the school rang me at home,he came in from school and I was concerned about his leg and foot,he could not understand why we were not jumping up and down and screaming at him,all we tried to put across was he was the one who had to face it and we might have to pay for the door and if we did he would not receive any phone money or enjoyment money till we had paid it off,so the only person it hurt was him so why should be get upset this time,if it happened again then he would feel the full force come down on him like a ton of bricks.We did not hear anything else from the school about this ,he did his detention and that was that as far as we were concerned like we at the time ,you have let yourself down not us.I think if you react to badly to teenage pranks you make it worse.
@kalav56 (11497)
• India
19 Jan 09
When I look back, I find my behaviour very contradictory-you see , my father , by nature is a softie , but he was such a busy professional that he had no time to devote to us. My mother is a strict person , a disciplinarian by herself but she was both lenient and strict with us,I cannot explain it really, but what I mean is that she was particular about many things but lenient in [once again] many. However, because she had some personal issues against my father , I grew up slightly biassed against him.So, despite knowing that he was a softie when it came to children, I did not feel emotionally close to him. I was the beneficiary of all the goodies that his successful profession gave him and still am. I was emtionally close only to my mother;Though I was not close to him emotionally I stayed with them during the last many years of my father's life and gave my wholehearted moral and physical support in taking care of him physically.He was incapacitated for more than 18 years. and so the story went.
@faith210 (11233)
• Philippines
19 Jan 09
Hi ronnyb! My mother is the softie and my father is the disciplinarian. I remember very well when my brothers and I were young, we will always ask our mother in everything such as we want to buy this and that, we want to go out with friends, we want to attend this and that, all sorts of teens do at that time. And my mother will always tell us to ask our father which we were reluctant to do but will do anyway. Then He will tell us, what did our mother said? We will tell him that we should ask his permission first. The most of the time he will say "No" and most of the time that decision will be reversed. haha..But we never were able to fool successfully any one of them, they just know. They must have super powers that we don't know. haha..But when my mom passed away, my father became a softie now towards his grandkids and us. I guess his disciplinarian days are over and he is enjoying more being a softie. lol..haha.. Take care and have a nice day! lovelots..faith210
@Bebs08 (10685)
• United States
19 Jan 09
I grew up with parents who have uniform style of discipline. I mean both of them will agree of what to do when we commit mistakes. If the mother will not agree to what we want, father also will go with the decision and when father says no, mother also will go with what father said. So, we know that both of them are agreeing.
@aisaellis22 (6449)
• United States
19 Jan 09
Well, I grow up with a very disciplinarian parents. I remember in my highschool years, my parents wouldn't allow me to go out at night. If ever I will go out because of some sort of practice from school activities there should be someone to accompany me. I also didn't have a freedom to hang out with friends. At first, I don't understand them, but now, I truly understand why they have to do it and what's their intention. I know I grew up as a good person. Until now I will remember them and will thank them for molding me and I know aside from our Almighty Father, I wouldn't be where I am today if not for my parents.
@violeta_va (4834)
• Australia
19 Jan 09
I grew up in a "did you ask you mother" and "did you ask your father" home. When I asked my mom for something she would say go ask dad I will go ask my father and he will say go ask your mum and then I will say mum say it was ok. They were both softies if you knew how to play the cards right and I was really good with that game. With disciplining us mum had more influence on that when it was every day things but for more serious things my dad took over so they shared that role.
@snowcat46 (2322)
• United States
18 Jan 09
I didn't, but my daughter used the different styles to her advantage. Depending on what she wanted, either of us could be the softie. She quickly learned which one to ask first depending on what she wanted. I wanted her to be more outgoing, to have more friends. So I was the softie as far as going to friends houses. He was the softie on things I thought were too dangerous for her. He wanted her to explore, to be more independant. So she'd go to him first for things I thought were beyond her age group. Until we learned to check with each other on what we each thought appropriate, we had a LOT of fights. She loves both of us equally, but that also depends on the day. She spends more time with her father, and asks him more adult questions. I tend to be emotional, and my answers are colored that way. Dad is analytical. She relates to him more. But when she's sick, it's mom she cuddles up to.