being protective

Philippines
January 23, 2009 8:37am CST
I had this feeling I dont know if someone can relate. We are five in the family, I am the youngest, my father died when I was 13. When father died, I had this feeling that my mom is very protective in the sense that I cannot go out with out her permission and with somebody, during my college days I never tried to enrol myself because mom had already there to fix my enrolment, I love to the so called life of being a teenage but I never go out having outing or whatsoever like teenager did, Until now I am 26 I can't go out without somebody I tried to be a rebellious just to tell to her that I am now a full grown lady and tell her that I can manage myself. Can you give me an advice to atleast lessen my burden.That is why I just release my heartaches here in the world wide web
2 people like this
9 responses
23 Jan 09
im sorry of ur dilemma. But i would set her down and tell her u r 26 and u r capable making decisions that effect ur life. Then i would say i dont want u out of my life but just some space to make my decisions the best of ur ability and if u need help u can help if u ask for it. She has to know there is a limit to what needs to be done and not she needs to do it is ur life now stand up to her in very loving way.
• Philippines
24 Jan 09
thanks for the suggestion, well taken,,..I hope this wil works
@GAUCI123 (1042)
• Malta
24 Jan 09
I think that you are grown up enough to decides where to go and whit whom to go out. I think you have to talk with your mother, tell her your feelings tell her that you appreciate the sacrifies she had to have to keep up her family all by her own. Try not to shout at her, try to be reasonable and tell her that you love her but you need to live your life, you cannot stay banned at home forever worrying that something will happen. Life is beautifl you have to enjoy it and live it
@lovesummer (1162)
• Malaysia
23 Jan 09
i see your headache. i think, try to tell her that you are grown up now and is able to take care of yourself, be gentle and nice when telling her so she dont feel the pain like rejection or some kind. convince her, tell her not to worry anymore for to keep her health. and tell her you is time for you to take care of her instead. just tell her in a good way. i thiink things would go fine with that. just dont make it into an argument or something huge. good luck for you.. hope my tips help.
@izathewzia (5134)
• Philippines
24 Jan 09
I am a parent myself and I understand where your mom is coming from. But I also understand your point. Your mom's over-protection really kills. So better talk to her about it. Especially now that you are already a grown up lady. She will surely understand.
@gracie04 (4549)
• Philippines
24 Jan 09
I guess the best thing you can do is to talk to your mom about it, a heart-to-heart talk will do.. explain to her how you really feel, i'm sure your mom would understand.. i can't blame your mom for being so over protective because you're the youngest in the family.. but i'm not saying that she's right..
@enlincia (18)
• United States
23 Jan 09
Sometime when all the heart to heart talks go awry, you just have to move out. That will give you the opportunity to experience life, make your own decisions and live the consequences. As you do that though, don't exclude your mother! Have "dates" with her when you talk with her about what's going on and what mistakes you've made. I always loved my mother until I had lived away from her for a while then ended out back under her roof. She became a lot more overbearing and I grew a lot more independent which made for a bad combination. Now that I'm on my own again, we're back to being great friends.
@spalladino (17891)
• United States
23 Jan 09
I can understand your mother's fears and, yes, she is very over protective of you. Saying that I understand her fears does not mean that I agree with them or with the way she is treating you. You ARE a grown woman and you do have the right to live your own life but you've already tried talking to her and, as you have said, it did no good. Your only option at this point is to start doing what you want to do and let her complain about it. Reassure her that you will be okay...start small and slowly...and eventually she will accept that you have your own life to live and things will get better. Good luck.
@zhuhuifen46 (3483)
• China
23 Jan 09
A very good topic for discussion. While showing your understanding for her heart and soul love and care for you, you might as well talk with your mom at an early date. What she has been doing is typically the old way of love to the children. It is likely to quench your potential, and damage your future. When mom is providing material support, she forgets to fulfil your essential need for self esteem. The best way of education is to let you learn through discoveries. Instead of telling you what to do, how to do, and pointing out your faults and mistakes from time to time, she should have left you in a free environment and atmosphere to grow up from experience and lessons. She needs just to stay aside, giving messages of enhanced conviction and strength, expressing recognition and congratulation for the least progress you are making on the way planned and designed by yourself. That is what I have learned from the happening between my son and me, though rather late, at least we made it, and good for all.
• France
23 Jan 09
I can't think of anything other than talking to her heart-to-heart about it all. She probably has a lot of things she needs to come to terms with and this needs to happen before you can both heal and move on.