Can we drop it already???
By reinydawn
@reinydawn (11642)
United States
January 26, 2009 1:46pm CST
Geeze oh flip!!! I just received an e-mail and it really has me reeling!!!
Some of my friends here may remember a little over a year ago an incident started with the community group that I volunteer in. This is a group of women in our community that organize family events to promote community involvement. For some stupid reason, and I never really did know why, the president of the group "resigned" one day through e-mail. She has been somewhat malicous toward some of our events and has even been trying to pit some of the members of the group against the others.
As was normal, we attempted to give her a plaque in recognition of her years of service to the group and the community. She literally threw us out of her house. Just recently - last week - she has had a death in the family. Again, as is normal for our group, we "host" the memorial service at our clubhouse. I was in the process of making sure everyone knew we were going to need some help this week, when she sends out an e-mail to us all and told us not to bother. Her exact words were "Thanks but no thanks."
If she hates us so much why doesn't she just move out? She's alientated most of her old friends and refuses to even talk to some of her long-time friends that stayed in the group. She's very bitter, about what I have no clue. It's a shame that she has to be so darned obstinate about this. You know that if we had decided that we weren't going to help because of the way she's treated us that all we'd hear for the next 10 years is that we do it for everyone else but wouldn't for her.
ARGH!!! I know there's no winning - or even compromizing - with this woman!!!
2 people like this
3 responses
@owlwings (43897)
• Cambridge, England
26 Jan 09
Some people come to a point where they have to reject everything that has built up around them over the years. It's sometimes thought to be the early symptoms of an onset of Alzheimer's; it's also quite common in cases where people have cancer. It can also be due to a single incident which has suggested to that person that they are not needed as much as they thought they were (their own perception of their value in society being the critical thing).
It's sad when that happens (for whatever reason) but it's important not to take it personally. It's due to an internal emotional conflict within that person which makes them see every imagined snub and remark as being larger than life and causes them, sometimes, to reject people before they reject them. In the case of a (possibly) terminal disease, like cancer, I think there is also a feeling that one should, apparently hurtfully, distance oneself from one's circle so that that should not be even more hurt when one is gone.
Only she can decide what she wants to do. It may be incomprehensible and hurtful to the rest of your group but what may really be needed is a long, gentle and caring attempt to contact and communicate with her to find out what the real problem is. Sometimes it may not be worth it.
2 people like this
@reinydawn (11642)
• United States
27 Jan 09
It's a shame that all we want to do is help her and she is being very obstinate in her stand that she absolutely under no circumstances wants anything to do with us. We're just trying to reach out to her and I think it's making it worse.
@moondancer (7431)
• United States
27 Jan 09
You are right owl. My mother in law had alzhiemers and the worse it got the worse she got. She though from the get go that people were out to get her and even kill her.
She shut herself off from the church and everyone, except close family. She worked in the archieves of the church for geneology so she met and knew many people over the years she worked their. She was involved in the church very much.
She became a lonely invalid that no one even called to check on.
It's so sad. No one understood or even tried to.
But then my husbands family are the type that keep everything to themself, especially person things. They are not to be told to others, just a fmily memebre or too...litterally.
1 person likes this
@moondancer (7431)
• United States
27 Jan 09
Have you or any of the others tried to find out what happened and why she feels this way? It's obvious that something happened! I mean no one just acts this way for nothing. As you know in groups you have the ones that cause trouble and will do it behind others backs so as to not call themself out for the mischief they do.
I'd writ to her apologize for anything that she feels I did. At the same time letting her know that I have no idea why she's mad with me.
If the group doesn't do anything for her and her family. Then as an individual maybe some of you can send her something of condolence and offer your help if needed as "you" not being in the group.
1 person likes this
@reinydawn (11642)
• United States
27 Jan 09
Some of her (former) closest friends have tried to get her to talk about it, but she refuses.
She always has to be in charge and I think it may have started when we offered to take a few of her responsibilities (temporarily) while she was attending to her dying sister (different sister, this is her second sister to pass in 2 years). We all knew she was very busy with her sister and was frankly letting her community responsibilities slide to the wayside. We wanted to help ease her stress as well as still keep things in the community going. The community has actually suffered and we are trying to recover in those areas, but she refuses to communicate with us.
@reinydawn (11642)
• United States
27 Jan 09
We're pretty sure she did take offense at it, even though we tried to tell her that we just wanted to help. I think she's a control freak and it just made matters worse for her.
@terri0824 (5203)
• United States
28 Jan 09
Sorry that this woman has been difficult for the group. Something apparently has happened that everyone is unaware of and until you really know what her issue is that happened to have her turn this way, you will probably have an issue with her no matter what you do or do not do.
1 person likes this
@reinydawn (11642)
• United States
29 Jan 09
I know, she's most likely going to be a thorn in our side for a long time to come :-(
