My 17 year old son is depressed!
By anetteh
@anetteh (3590)
Sweden
January 27, 2009 2:43am CST
Ok, My son has ADHD, and Autism. As long as he have had the school and did not have to think about what to do with his life everything has been ok. No, when it is time to think about what He want to with his life, what to do for a living etc. It is cathing up. He is now, so depressed that he is on my back on a daily bases. Nothing is OK. He do understand that to be able to live on your own, You need a job, you need money to pay bills and by things with. And He also knows, that HE has to do this on his own soner or later, for now, I am his provider and give what I can for enjoyble things. But, he feels also, that it is time to split with me, it is what teens should do, but he also feels, that he have trouble in doing it. He will in some way always be in need of my help one way or another.
So right now, he is on my back about this on a daily bases, and have been for a couple of weeks now. The problem is, I have a feeling, my intuition say that
1) he will not be able to have a job where he have to do things on his own. He will always have to have a supervisor helping him.
2) he will be in need for a peson helping him with his financial situation...paying bills, make shopping etc.
3) In Sweden there is a law against people with ADHD to be able to have a driver licens.
4) he have sleeping problems, so there is always going to be someone waking him up in the mornings.
I can go on and on...the problem is the disorder do not show in his face, it shows in his behavior, and in socializing with others. That make it really hard on him in our society.
I am not looking for help or anything like that, but do you as a parent have the same problem if so, how do you handle them.
1 person likes this
2 responses
@moondancer (7431)
• United States
27 Jan 09
One of my gransons is severe ADHD and bipolar severe too, he has other medical issues to deal with as well. I'm sure we can relate to what you are going through and how you are feeling. As he too is 17and thinking of working and what to do.
Right now he goes with his father on job sites and helps him or does things the boss wants him to do.
This job is hanging walls and doing the inside of new and older homes being remodeled.
He earns some money not much as it is known how it is and it's family he is working for now.
Our fear is him being able to earn enough to be on his own if he ever can be.
He will have to have help doing his bills and such as all he thinks about is games and game consoles!
It is frustrating. He will give his mom his money to help out with bills if he knows she needs it. Which many times they do.
The type of work his dad does is seasonal.
My daughter has put him online making a little money from that.
As long as he takes his meds he is okay. But he won't even do this own his own. He has to be told to take it even though he knows that he must take it.
We have given him suggestions and he has the internet to seaarch for things and look up the pros and cons of different jobs.
But we fear that he won't make it without help for the rest of his life. I'm sure this is true.
If you know some people that will take him to work with htem, if it's allowed so that he can get the feel for several jobs this may help. This is what we are doing.
I know it's hard, but people with their problems can and do hold down jobs, they just need that support group around them.
@anetteh (3590)
• Sweden
27 Jan 09
Hi moondancer, thank you for response. Wow, it shore sound like my son. My son is still school, and he have tried a couple of jobs for practice as janitor. However, the last one did not fell out well. The supervisor did not do his job. It worked out fine the two fist couple of weeks, however, when my son asked me if the janitor at my work sit all day long, and not do much I wondered, what?, I said no, if he did not have something to do, I shore would have some for him. Well this one only do a couple of hours work, and the rest of the day he does nothing. As we both know, teens with ADHD need to have something to do all day long. So, now we are looking for something els, the thing is to find a practice job where he can stay after school and make some living. At least that is what it is supose to. Like the local commutity help out with this.
My son take his med on his own, becouse he know he need them. I do not longer need to supervise about that. Same hour every day. And He also have med in the evenings so he can relax and go to sleep. He is rather responsible about his med.
My both parents have pension, he do not want to go with me, since I work with Geriatric care as a assistance nurse. So we have to find something els somewhere els. I think and hope it will work out fine. In the mean time, this depression is a struggle both for him and me. There is not much I can say to make him feel better. I can only be with him, listen to him, and talk with people around him at school and rehab.
They do have hard time...being in real age of teen but feels like young kids. How is they supose to cope with the grown up world when they have this issue with their age. I learn new things every day as his mother, friend and speaker.
@moondancer (7431)
• United States
27 Jan 09
My grandson also knows that he is suppose to take his meds on time the same time everyday. Morning and night. I don't know we can urge them and advise them on what they need to do the rest is up to them.
It sounds like you have it under more control than you believe you do and all you can do is remain to be there to support him.
Best wishes to him and you.
@Carpathian (582)
• United States
28 Jan 09
I have a son with ADD but he is able to work it out with meds. He is only 14 yrs. old now. But, I don't know what he is going to do when he get's older. Maybe, you could find a job your son can learn to do that is not to hard and he can make a living at. Does he like anything hobbies or anything? Also, can he work a computer? He can get it to do the check book and calendar for bills due and address for bills. Plus, you can get your bills paid direct withdraw. And, your pay check direct deposit. Also, he might look into working with younger people who have the same problems as he does. Teach them the things he already knows. Hope these idea's help you out. Good Luck!
@anetteh (3590)
• Sweden
28 Jan 09
Thank You Carpathian. You probably read that my son also have meds. However, some times they not even help. His problems are far more complicated since his ADHD disorder is combinade with AUTISM that not shows. When You see him, he looks like normal teen. But when You start interact with him you notice the problems of comminicating and socializing. But, I am not going to lay down and say this will not work. I have confidence that it somehow will work it out.
Yes, bills can be paid with direct withdraws from the bank. But, when they know about money coming in, they are fast to take it out. So, that does not really help either all the time. I have a dauhgter having ADHD and live by her self, she got her diagnoses for just a couple of month ago. She use me as her bank.. She have learded the hard way about what the money will be needed for.
I had the problem with his depression really, but it sounds like he is comming out of it for now. But you never know when it shows up again.
Well, of to work for me...have a great day
. She have learded the hard way about what the money will be needed for.
I had the problem with his depression really, but it sounds like he is comming out of it for now. But you never know when it shows up again.
Well, of to work for me...have a great day