How do you feel about your mother-in-law and the way she is with your children?

I'm not a real big fan of my mother-in-law to be, but I would definitely trust her until she gave me a real specific reason not to. It's a part of having faith in people that you are close or related to combined with the trust that you should have if she raised the person you are with properly.

Honestly, the word mother-in-law leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I do not get along with mine. As far as our children, she doesn't really have much to do with them. Her other two grandchildren... she spends a lot of time with. As far as her not following the limits you set for your child, you need to put your foot down on this one and explain to her that you are the mother and if she cannot listen to your wishes than you will have to cut back on the time she has your child.

You will just need to talk to her like many here have already mentioned. Let her know exactly how you feel and why you are concerned. But I think that just because your mother-in-law lets them run over her that that will not effect how you are bringing her up to be. Your mother-in-law will just be known as the one who gets ran over by the kids - Her parents will be her ultimate role models.

I am a gram. When I watched my grandson full-time, I felt that it was important to abide by his parents rules & ways. I had him way too much to do anything other than that. My influence on him was great at that time. Now, I have my grandson & granddaughter only on occassion. I love every minute of it and my ways aren't that different than that of the parents....i do tend to spoil them a bit...it is my right to do so. The little time that I have with them is my special time and will not override their influence. If i were having them on a regular basis that would be much different. I think that one day a week is probably not enough to have a big influence on your child. If your re not comfortable then by all means talk to her about your concerns. My daughter knows that I spoil her kids when I have them. They love it and so do I...it's how we do things. If, however, it was causing problems at home then I would hope she would talk to me and of course i'd go by her rules. Talk to her.

Dealing with grandparents can be difficult. My mother lived with us for 16 months and treated our son (who was 8 months when she moved in) like she was the grandma he rarely saw. She often gave him candy, let him break the rules, and would sneak around my back for special treats. That might be okay if he only saw her once in awhile, but this was a daily issue. I would sit back a little on this one. It might be scary as all get out, but you can do a good job even with a grandma who spoils. As she gets older work at limiting her time there. Being spoiled every now and again won't do much harm... On the other hand, I don't think that you have the right to be concerned. It is your daughter and you do want what's best for her. You may need to find a regular sitter or day care for her if it is a real problem, that would eliminate the "fair" issue. As she gets older you can also put her in a preschool and then school. My mother-in-law is great with our son. However, my husband still has seven brothers and sisters who live at home and sometimes they let him get away with all sorts of things and he shows signs of being spoiled (he is 2 1/2 now). Several of them let him order them around, let him hit them (something I have been working at breaking at home), and even throw toys and fits for that matter. This bothers me and I have talked to several of them about it, but one of them lets him get away with everything. Drives me crazy. Marcus (our son) still goes over there one day a week for play time. Since I work at home this is really helpful and they still do a better job then my mom (who has changed four diapers since the kid was born even with living with us and off of us for so long).

I had the same problem with my parents. Then I came to the startling conclusion that the great thing about being a grandparent is that you aren't the parent. You're able (and even expected) to spoil the children. If your concerns are health-related, talk to your mother-in-law and explain things. Otherwise, be happy that she wants to be in your daughter's life. Let her have her fun. (I bet your mom will do what she wants when you aren't around, too)

Set your rules and at home she will be under that wonderful moral base. You will risk her being exposed to other moral bases no matter who you expose her to. And she is liable to learn to stand by your rules if she is exposed to outside things. When you agree to let her go to someone else, MIL or who-ever, give them your basic rules. Example: No junk if we don't eat the good stuff first. (to avoid nothing but junk you could always send a lunch and then add that if MIL wants to give her something, please only after she eats her lunch) If they do things in a compromise between their way and yours then you are ahead of the game. No one is you. You aren't likely to find a caregiver who just like you. As for how my mother in law is... My husband is her lesser child thus making our kids her lesser grandchildren. I learned early to just do my best to smile, nod, and walk away. Then I do things as I see fit anyway. Best of luck.