Would you give up the love of your life for your family?

United States
January 28, 2009 12:30pm CST
what would happen if you fell in love with someone your family wouldn't accept. He/she is too old or too young? A different race or gender? What would you do. me, I would either keep my relationship my little secret , which means a Whole lot of distance and lying. Or I would tell them this is my love and if they can't accept it, then I am happily out of the family.what about you?
3 people like this
23 responses
@youless (98651)
• Guangzhou, China
2 Feb 09
I think so. For example, I am willing to give up my life for my child. I think every mom has such kind of feeling. And I am also willing to give up my life for my husband. I love them more than myself. I love China
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Feb 09
Isn't your husband the love of your life? What if your family was opposed to you seeing him?Would you stop or would you marry him anyway.
1 person likes this
@youless (98651)
• Guangzhou, China
3 Feb 09
Frankly, I don't know. As both parts are important for me. I don't have such a situation. My parents treat my husband as well as their own son. Supposed if they objected to us when we dated, I didn't know what I should do.
@phoenix25 (1542)
• United States
28 Jan 09
I have been in this situation. I chose love. My family life was terrible as a child. My family never did much for me. Yeah, they bought me things and made sure I had clothes, but they never took me to the doctor, my dad abused me, and nothing was ever good enough for my parents. I finally gave up tryin gto please them when they wouldn't shut up on my graduation night (from high school) about an F that I purposely got in math. It was the only F I ever got. I did it because I was failing and it was a semester credit I didn't need (Intro to Trig...hard stuff). I was doing so much homework for this class that I was neglecting my other classes...and still failing math. So, I decided to ditch the homework and fail the final, but I aced all my other classes instead. I still graduated with honors. I thought it was a responsible and logical choice. I just wanted my parents to be proud of me for graduating, but they just couldn't let it go. It was at that moment that I realized that my family would never be satisfied, so I decided to start living for myself for once. They didn't like my husband, who I met right after I graduated high school. He was too old (he was 17, I was 24), he looked like a hippie, blah, blah, blah. My dad didn't like him because he reminded him of himself when he was younger. My mom didn't like him because he was taking her "baby" away. I moved away with him and we got married a year later. We're still together 8 years later and I don't regret it. It was rocky with my family for a couple of years. They were all upset and thought that I was ruining my life, but I knew what was best for me. My family didn't know me at all. They don't understand me like my husband does. At that point in my life, I needed something for me. I needed something I was sure of. I needed someone who understood me and would love me for who I was, not who they wanted me to be.
@jillhill (37379)
• United States
29 Jan 09
Good for you!!!
1 person likes this
• United States
29 Jan 09
Well, I know I am not your family but I am proud of you. Trig is way too hard. And to graduated with honors? With my family there would have been a huge party. And knowing my mom, she would have understood about cutting out the trig class.I am so glad you found your soulmate.thanks for answering this post. Stay happy Take care.
@luvandpower (2049)
• United States
28 Jan 09
I don't know, that is a hard question. In one thought it would be that they would have to accept her. Because, after the babies start popping out then they will have to co-live anyway. There will always be family feuds. But on the other hand, if for some stupid reason they still could not live with each other, I think I would have to go with love. I would rather be happily married and be loved , because that would increase the love for each other because it is total support on each other then.
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Jan 09
You and your love can start a new family.And if the family's disapproval is because they think you won't or can't settle down, being together for a long time may just change their minds.
• Turkey
29 Jan 09
Thats really hard question but i think i will marry with her if i believe its the girl i was waiting for all my life
1 person likes this
@anne25penn (3310)
• Philippines
29 Jan 09
This has happened to me already and I chose my family. We were really not suited for each other and looking back,I do see the flaws and what my life would have been if I chose to be with him. I do have my "what ifs?". But at the end of the day, I look at my family and my happiness and say to myself, no regrets.
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Feb 09
If you could see the flaws and they were too big to live with, then that wasn't your true love. With your true love the flaws are there but they are not too big to live with.You two are a perfect fit. I mean that both of you can accept each other just the way you are.
@iskayz (5422)
• Philippines
29 Jan 09
Hi there! I would probably do the same. Keep the relationship a secret until the right time comes to tell them about it. If ever they wouldn't like the person I love, it would hurt me but I will keep the relationship cause no one but me knows whose the right person for me. Besides, it's me who are having the relationship and not my family so whatever complications would result in the relationship, I will take the blame myself. I will still try hard for my chosen partner to be accepted by my family. It would be nice to have a harmony in the family. Ciao!
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Feb 09
I would introduce him to the family once, if they don't like him, then I would leave it at that.I wouldn't force them to like him, I would just see less of the family and more of him.
• United States
29 Jan 09
This is a difficult situation but one I have been in. I told my family if they really loved me they would be happy for me. I then did my own thing. Eventually my family came around. This has happened more then once in my life and they always come back around.
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Feb 09
I am glad that everything worked out.
• Philippines
29 Jan 09
you really have to look at it objectively why your family disapproves for the person. if the reason is about gender, age, or race, religion, you have to answer yourself if it really matters to you. if it doesn't matter then your family jsut has to accept the fact you 2 love each other. you have to celebrate the fact that you have the choice. there are other countries where fixed marriage prevails and family members themselves harm daughters or pour acid on their faces if they don't follow the family's wishes. never keep anything a secret. you just end up hurting the people around you and yourself even more. come clean and decide.
• United States
2 Feb 09
Race, religion or age wouldn't really matter to me. I am straight so it would have to be a guy.Unfortunately , there are still families where if they don't approve, you are out of the family. But as long as I have my true love, I would be okay.I agree having to keep a lover a secret would distance you from your family and that's not good.
@pyewacket (44031)
• United States
29 Jan 09
Well thankfully that problem wouldn't arise with me since my grandmother and mother are both deceased....but my mother had to contend with that kind of nonsense. She once told me that she was deeply in love with a Jewish man...this was before she met my eventual father...she and her family being Catholic...now her mother and grandmother had no problems about the difference in religions..she and the man were actually planning to get married so he wanted my mother to meet his mother....Well practically the first words out of his mother's mouth ...."A shiksa? You're not marrying a Shiksa." And that ended that...Wonder why he did "fight" his decision though that he wanted to marry my mother even though she was a non-Jew?? Funny I never asked her, unless his mother was THE boss...LOL
1 person likes this
• United States
29 Jan 09
I think he was a mother's boy. And since with a Jewish marriage any children are automatically are deemed the religion of the mother, in his mother's eyes , she wouldn't have any Jewish grand children by him. It is so sad when religion gets in the way of love.Question, do you think your mom would be okay if had come home with the love of your life and He/she was Jewish?
@miamilady (4924)
• United States
29 Jan 09
That's a really good question. I think it's something that unfortunately many people have to face. With me, it would partly depend on which family members. Siblings, I wouldn't allow them to affect my choices. My parents, I might allow them to have some influence, but not too much. My children, at this point would have the most influence, but once children reach a certain age, then I think their thoughts would also be less important. It would also depend on how deep the bond was with that person in question. If it was a strong bond and I thought the person was truly "the one", then I wouldn't let my family interfere. If it were someone that I was simply dating and perhaps enjoyed his company, but did not feel a deep connection, then I would chose my family first.
1 person likes this
• United States
29 Jan 09
I agree . If it were just a new person I was dating but I wasn't in love with him , then I may break it off or it may not become serious. But if his is the love of my life , no one will make me give him up.
@inuceres (342)
• Philippines
29 Jan 09
me,..i rather not secret it because if you lie them you may get hurt your family,.. if your family love you thy need to accept what do you want,..that is parents and friends are,..
1 person likes this
• United States
29 Jan 09
I agree. Even if they don't like the person you chose, they should respect your choice.
@jillhill (37379)
• United States
29 Jan 09
THat for me is a tough call...since my kids are grown.....and if somehow I did find the love of my life I think they would all be very accepting....but if they weren't......well....my kids have been my whole life. But they are grown up. I wouldn't want to give up a chance at happiness...but I don't ever want to give up my relationship with my children.
1 person likes this
• United States
29 Jan 09
Your situation reminds me of the movie All that Heaven Allows starring jane Wyman and Rock Hudson.have you seen it? Although it was made in the 50's , it still holds up.
@ravinskye (8242)
• United States
28 Jan 09
I'm having a hard time finding an answer to this question because I can't imagine my family ever doing that. There are a few situations I'm sure they wouldn't like but they would never make me choose. My sister was dating a guy that was 20 years older than her. My parents hated it especially because he was only about 4 years younger then my dad. But they never told her she had to end it. They let her know they didn't like it but they let her relationship run its course and eventually she figured out things wouldn't work. Luckily for me I married a great guy that my parents love so I don't have that issue.
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Jan 09
you have great and smart parents. I think this is how my mom would deal with it too. She would support me even though she hated my choice.
@rmuxagirl (7559)
• United States
29 Jan 09
I couldn't imagine giving up the love of my life because my family didn't like him. If he made me happy and I really loved him they would accept him and deal with the fact that he is in my life and I love him.
29 Jan 09
well ive always been brought up to defend what i feel is right and best for me, its simple if i brought someone home and my rents didnt like them then i would just say tough.
1 person likes this
@mermaidivy (15404)
• United States
29 Jan 09
I would respect my family's suggestions and keep it underground first and try to show my paretns he is a really good person.
@Dewfunk (88)
• Indonesia
29 Jan 09
man..it's a tough one!!! well if I am sure that she is my true love offcourse i will do my best to keep her^^ what ever it takes, yes religion, race can be a cruel thing but if my family love me then they must support my choice
• Philippines
29 Jan 09
If they realy love each other.he will fight for his love even there is a problem that they don't like their family..
1 person likes this
• Philippines
29 Jan 09
If that's the case? I should really fight the love of mine, because family can accept it with any longer. . You and your lover can make a new family, even if they don't like it!? As longs as you are in your right age? i fight for my love. . What ever happened to me, as long as i love the person. I really fight for it! I'm not dependent about my love life in my family, its my life and i don't want them to get involve. . . So fight for your love. . . Don't put your life in foolishness. . . Thanks. . . .
1 person likes this
• Mauritius
29 Jan 09
i would try by every means to make them accept. However if they dont accept i will never be able to leave them as my family has done so much for me that i will never be able to leave them for the sake of my love. And today the great successes that i am having in life is just because of them. Dad and mom has worked so hard so that i get lots of success in my life. So i feel i should i have to repay them whatever they have done for me.
1 person likes this
@Ithink (10638)
• United States
29 Jan 09
I have been there, I choose the love of my life and he is still it, almost 27 years later. My mom adores him now and thinks of him as a son. I loved him and there was no way no one was going to tell me I didn't know what love was because we were young! For all the ones that said we would never make it, they were so wrong.
1 person likes this