I need helppp
January 29, 2009 8:07pm CST
Okay so i have really bad trust issue. my dad leaving me and being in abusive relationship so when this guy told me he wanted to break up and he wanted to get to me when didnt talk after that and i kissed this other guy and now he is all mad and i really like him and i want us to be something. what do i do
• United States
30 Jan 09
First of all, unless you're in your 80s, there's time for this guy to cool off before you try talking to him again so give him some space. Secondly, never jump from one guy to another right after a break up. You need to give yourself time to get over the relationship. If it's at all possible you should talk to a counselor because you have issues that can be resolved which will help you to lead a happier life. Your dad did not leave you, he left the relationship but you're carrying around baggage that you really shouldn't be carrying. You've already made at least one bad choice in a partner since you mentioned being in an abusive relationship...and I'm not saying that you had any way of knowing beforehand because I know how abusive people put on fronts in the beginning to lure you in. What I am saying is that people like that have radar and can detect women who are vulnerable and women who feel vulnerable, as you do, don't have the confidence to focus on quality men but settle for less than they deserve. You deserve to feel good about yourself and you deserve a decent guy.
30 Jan 09
a father's actions and have a really big effect on his daughter while growing up. you have also to think that you can never ever want to make people do or act the way you want them to. relationships are complicated. and a perfect relationship doesn't happen overnight. you have to start with yourself. fix your life. your dad leaving with you first and foremost might have posed some effect on how you view relationships, men and yourself. hence, you being in an abusive relationship. never ever permit yourself to be in this situation. you are important. women should be respected, loved, and not hurt. even if the new guy shows and showers you with affection now, you have to WAIT and improve your well-being first. sometimes women ask "why do i always get the bad guys". i believe the universe gives us what we ask for. even if you do not literally pray for a bad guy, what you're bringing out to the "universe" so to speak is the notion that "it's okay if you treat me like this". changing this way of thinking takes time and much effort from you. and believe me you cannot do this when you have a guy standing around beside you. start with yourself. love yourself. the more you love yourself, the people you meet or around you will notice what a great person you are. and that you should be treated with outmost respect. thus, you will begin to filter out those unwanted suitors. and the more you have this way of thinking, you wouldn't let yourself me treated badly because first and foremost you think of your well-being. as i think this boils on your dad's actions, what's past is past. for your own piece of mind, you have to forgive his actions. if your dad is still there and is a part of your life in some way, you have to talk with him (not shout!), your anger all this time. and how his actions affected you. you just have to SAY it. good luck!
30 Jan 09
Wow,you are in a tough situation right now...You know what,I think it would be best if don't go from one relationship to another one too soon...Give time to yourself first.Let yourself heal,'cause if you do that,you'd learn to love & trust yourself w/ your decisions...Hope my advise helps.Have a good day!