I Don't Know what to say...
By breepeace
@breepeace (3014)
Canada
January 30, 2009 5:46pm CST
A few weeks ago I posted about a problem I was having with my mom: http://www.mylot.com/w/discussions/1862251.aspx
I haven't spoken to her in a month now, since the last time we spoke was when she flipped out the day before New Year's when I accidentally hit her truck.
I've spoken to my younger brother a few times, and he says that she stopped whining to him about what a bad daughter I am, but that every time she's on the phone with someone it comes up and he's sick of hearing her trash me, especially since he knows how much of the story is being exempted, being a child of her's, too.
The last time I heard anything from her was an email she sent to me after I went and got some of my things while she was at work. She basically called me a thief for avoiding her (and I only grabbed my things), told me I was never allowed in her house when she's not there again and told me I need to address what I plan to do to fix her truck. Since my boyfriend is really busy with work, and he'd need to borrow her truck to do the work on it (and I know she won't agree to that), I'm figuring I should probably just save my pennies and try to pay for it myself. It sucks, because I'm a student and I can barely afford to make ends meet as is, but she won't see it that way. She'll just want it done now, and the way that she wants it done, since it's all my fault. Before you come back thinking that a mother couldn't be that unreasonable, let me tell you that she honestly is that unreasonable. It's always been her way or the highway at the expense of everyone else's wellbeing.
My boyfriend is bugging me to call her so we can figure out our next step, and get back all my mail she's been holding hostage, but it makes me physically ill just to think about it. I know it won't be a pleasant conversation, but I don't even know what to say.
I don't particularly want to reconcile with her since I've gone through 25 years of mental, physical and emotional abuse at her hands, and can't take anymore, and I do feel responsible for the truck, even if I don't have the immediate means to fix it right now.
I kind of get the impression it's just going to be a one-sided screaming match where all the blame of everything is going to get heaped on me because I'm such an "awful, ungrateful, terrible daughter", and I'm not sure if I'm ready for it, but I think my boyfriend has a point when he says the longer I let it go, the worse it's going to get.
What do you think? What do I say?
4 responses
@Grandmaof2 (7578)
• Canada
31 Jan 09
I agree with your boyfriend on this one and with the mother I have I also know that no matter what you do it'll never be okay but at least try to humor her into giving you the mail. It's sure too bad when parents have to be so self centered and selfish. I love my van it's new bit my daughter means way more than a piece of tin.
2 people like this
@sammy009 (259)
• United States
31 Jan 09
Hi I agree with your boyfriend, the longer you hold off the worse it will get. I would just be straight with her and what she will say to you she will. More likely not what you want to hear. But keep in your thoughts you did talk to her. Holding our mail, I do not agree with. Get your address changed for your mail to come to where you live. Good luck
2 people like this
@LouRhi (1502)
• Australia
31 Jan 09
OMG! you poor poor thing. I went and read your other discussion as well and I am just left flabbergasted. I can not understand how people such as your mother are ever able to be mothers. I have another friend who has an almost equally appalling woman as her mother. I have seen her in action so I can totally believe and understand what you are going through. My mother is not perfect either but also not as terrible as yours.
Personally I would not contact her and I would not fix her truck either. I know that you said your boyfrined needed to borrow her truck but is it really worth the while? Is it not possible to borrow your fathers?
As for you mail, maybe your brother can help you get it and then make sure that you get your mail redirected and then you don't have to worry about it at all any more.
I know that the thought of severing all ties with your mother is never easy but sometimes it is for the best. You do not deserve to be treated this way and in the long wrong the strength you will gain from walking away from her will be indescribable.
All the very best for the future, particularly with your studies.~ fairy wishes and butterfly kisses~
1 person likes this
@breepeace (3014)
• Canada
31 Jan 09
Unfortunately by the time I had my mail redirected, a few packages and a letter were already sent there. My brother had meant to bring them to me but forgot, and by the time he remembered to bring them, they had disappeared. When he asked where they were, she told him, "She can call me if she wants them back".
As for the truck.. we need to borrow her truck in order to fix it. My boyfriend does automotive bodywork, and would be able to fix it for next to nothing, but would need to do it on his downtime at work. She's the type of woman that would sue me if I don't fix it.. even if I'm her daughter and broke. She also has all these friends who have never met me who are total enablers, and who tell her all the time what a wonderful person/mother she is and how rotten I am to her, so it's not like she'll even come to terms with how wrong she is. When people tell her she's wrong about something, she just cuts them off, like she did her best friend and her sister, my aunt.
1 person likes this
@LouRhi (1502)
• Australia
31 Jan 09
As I was writing my post the thought crossed my mind that she would try and sue you, should you not fix it. My minds eye saw you both before Judge Judy and she was telling your mother in no uncertain terms that she was the one at fault here and ordering a payment to you!
As Annie in the post below says a letter is a great idea, or email even. Tell her when you will be able to get the truck fixed and if she is not able to make it available at that time then she misses out.
Again best of luck and fairy wishes that she just falls away and leaves you in peace
2 people like this
@AnnieOakley1 (5596)
• Canada
31 Jan 09
Write her a letter.
That way, you can edit and compose it before you give it to her. Write out another letter, telling her how pissed you are at her first and get that out of your system so that it won't bleed through into the sensible, reasonable letter you write her 2nd. That one she actually gets. The angry one you keep for yourself.
1 person likes this
