Have U ever tried to change yourself for others?

India
January 31, 2009 7:20am CST
one of my friend is in big trouble .He is in a relationship for last few tears.His girlfriend was demanding from the very first day.He tried to met all the demands of his girlfriend .But recently she is becoming more demanding day by day.and my friend is now unable to fulfill all of her new demands.I know that friend for more than 15 years.but recently he is changing bit by bit.I can't accept his changing. Have U ever tried to change yourself for others? Or would you allow others to take advantage of your submissiveness?
5 people like this
26 responses
@syankee525 (6261)
• United States
31 Jan 09
i made lot of changes in my life, which was more postive changes for my wife and kids. i was a real mess for the longest time, and i was the best husband or father. i had to learn to deal with things different since i made those changes to better myself i have them tell they are happy with me, and i am a much better husband and dad. i even have other people in my family see how much better i am as a person but to change myself dress, talk or just to like what others want me too, or my belife no i will not change
1 person likes this
@Ravenladyj (22904)
• United States
31 Jan 09
ABSOLUTLEY NOT!!! this is me...if you dont like me the way I am dont waste my damn time pretendin you do then waste more of my time trying to change me...And as far as taking advantage of another persons submissiveness....I'd never dare and would call out ppl who do if I saw them doing it....I have no tolerance for that sort of behaviour
• United States
31 Jan 09
no one can say it better than that. Totally agree.
• India
1 Feb 09
problem is that my friend loves her more than any thing else. Thanx for your valuable comment.
• Philippines
31 Jan 09
relationships are give and take. but not of this is changing who you are for another person. while changing for the better is okay, you as a friend has seen his change has NOT for the better. a strong relationship is being with someone you get along with. you aren't in a relationship to have someone to order around! it is not healthy and first and foremost your friend has to love himself. he has to realize that what he thinks is also important. just because they have been together for a couple of years it doesn't mean their meant for each other. it just means that all this time he lets himself treated that way and the bad thing is he thinks it's okay. have you tried to talk to your friend about it? he shouldn't be afraid of losing this girl. there are others out there. if he manages to talk to his girl and straighten and improve things that's good. if not, then he should just move on. there are other wonderful people out there, he could do other things improve on himself, and hopefully he'll be in a better relationship. you have to make him realize "IT SHOULDN"T BE THIS WAY". not all relationships are give and give, it's give and take. receiving love is a wonderful thing too!
• India
1 Feb 09
He is too much committed to that girl.He won't be able to leave that girl for any reason.as well as he is frustrated with his current situation. Thanks for your comment.
@rosdimy (3926)
• Malaysia
31 Jan 09
No, I have not consciously tried to change myself just for the sake of somebody else. To me we should retain our individuality because that is what makes us the way we are. In any relationship there has to be a certain degree of give and take, but not to the extent of losing one's identity. In your friend's case he is slowly losing himself to the girl. Eventualy he will reach the point of being queen controlled. It may be fine if he is happy but what would happen should the relationship fails? After a period of being controlled he would be unable or find difficulties in fending for himself. Whatever people say I will not attempt to change myself unless there is a very strong reason why I should do so. all the best, rosdimy
• India
1 Feb 09
obviously I do accept what you have said from my heart .And my friend has started realizing it now. thanks for your comment. have a good day!
@rymebristol (1808)
• Philippines
31 Jan 09
i tried to change all about myself not because of anyone else but i do feel that i need some room for improving myself and that includes; my habit, my goals, my character, personality, confidence and on how I face certain difficulties in life. i am an insecure type of a guy before, i prefer to be alone but when the woman of my life came into the picture, i voluntarily change that for the sake of her. it's not her that force me to go out of my shell because that's what she want, it's because i would love to go out of my shell.
• India
1 Feb 09
I tried to make my friend understand that what he is doing is not good for him at all.But recently I am seeing it's effect on him.He has also started to realize my point. thanks for your comment.
@nb_0702 (59)
1 Feb 09
First of all i wanna say that it could have been better if you had clearly mentioned What do you mean by "demanding".. According to you she was very demanding from the very first day and your friend is involved in this relationship for last few years.. Has he ever tried to tell her gf about his problems which he has been facing..if they really love each other , they will surely understand each others pt of views. If there is some logic in his gf's demand den he should think of it or he should try to find out any solution of it. say your frnd cant live without smoking and his gf has sum problem in tat, den ur frnd sud not smoke in front of her at least or he may give a try to quit it.. if by doing tat their relationship can be improved they your frnd sud him a try. I think you can change yourself for other if they are giving u some good advise but never change ur soul ..
• India
3 Feb 09
thank you my friend. What a valuable point you have discussed. Thanks once again. have a good day!
@tigerdragon (4297)
• Philippines
1 Feb 09
actually, most of us see that when someone is in a relationship, we always assume that when a person changes, it is because for the other person but what we don't realize is that friend or person h=who have changed, did not change for hi/her partner. he/she changed for him/herself. it is ones decision that no one has the right to question, not even his/her closest friend. change is relevant, it may look cumbersome to you but not to that person.ain't we too selfish, if it affects us friends? we should let thhem be and let them be their own judge.
• United States
8 Feb 09
No I wouldn't change.I am he same stubborn, honest person I have always been.if a guy wants me to change , it means I am thr wrong person for him. G-d help the guy that hears what I say about my views and then thinks he can change my mind.That relationship is Really over.
@Loverbear (4918)
• United States
1 Feb 09
There is NO WAY that I would change to make someone else happy. They take me the way I am and that's it. I never have tried to change myself for someone else, and if they tried to get me to change for them I would walk off...because it was obvious that they didn't care about me for me, but for what they wanted me to become. It's about time that your friend opened his eyes and realize what is going on. The demands are getting worse, and they will continue to get worse. There are plenty of people out there that will accept him for the person he is.
@TheCatLady (4691)
• Israel
1 Feb 09
What changes are you talking about. Can you be a bit more specific? Change can be good or bad. Whichever it's usually a bit unnerving. I've made many boyfriends change for me. Usually it's something small and after they try my way others complement them and they realize that I had a good idea. I'm not overly demanding.
• India
5 Feb 09
I don't suggest that at point an human being could be changed from inside.that person could pretend to be changed but deep inside he might be that very old person. And I ,under any circumstances would never allow any one to take upper hand in my life.If any such thing could happen to me I would just break up that relationship.
@my125125 (818)
• Malaysia
2 Feb 09
Hi Suman, I don't encourage people to change themself to keep the relationship, I feel that you cheat your partner or friend, you're not honest. If you don't like to eat, don't like to do, please tell the truth. Changing a person can not keep the relationship long lasting.
@hdjohnson (2981)
• United States
1 Feb 09
Since I've gotten married, I have changed a great deal. But is changes that I wanted to make in order to be a better husband and father to my wife and kids. But mind you my wife has made a lot of changes as well. So it's a good give and take relationship that we have. I like to refer to it as, we exchange both of our strengths to eliminate both of our weaknesses. It's been working for the past 9 years, since Jan. 29th, 2000 (our wedding date). So I don't feel like I'm less of a man because I submit to my wife. She in turn submits to me. AND the bible also instructs us to submit unto one another.
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
2 Feb 09
I have done it and I was lost for many years. It stemmed from a low self esteem and it was usually while trying to impress some guy for fear of losing him. I have been in relationships where I was not appreciated for myself and therefore I would over time conform to my partner's every wish, desire and opinion. I was lost and I was weak. I did not begin to live until I recognised what I had been doing and consequently spent a lot of time attempting to find out who I was; I did not even know what I liked or disliked, I was so used to agreeing with someone else! Eventually I found myself in the best relationship ever; with myself! It was only once I got to really know "me" that I was able to enter a new relationship where I could finally be my own person with my own thoughts and opinions and to my surprise I was still loved!
@KrauseHome (36449)
• United States
1 Feb 09
Personally I feel that there is somethings that people change that is Good and acceptable and can bring them much merit, but it is up to you to want to change them, and not let someone else change you. In this situation it definately sounds like your friend is definately not in control of who he is and wants to be, and someone else is controling him as well. If he is going to continue to be like this, and not see the error of his ways your best interest might be to withdrawing yourself as his friend. It might be the Best for everyone involved for sure.
@garychie (157)
• Philippines
1 Feb 09
There should be giving and taking process in a relationship in order to work. In that case of your friend it seems like he is the only one who's giving love. He should try to demand to his girlfriend also to get her being bemanding back to her. I mean he should demand her demands back to her. Then he will see what wil be her reaction. As for me, yes, i can change myelf to be better for other people. I have changed a lot especially when i get married, but the changes are for the better to have a long lasting relationship.
• United States
1 Feb 09
I would NEVER change for anyone! You are who you are and if they can't exept that, then too bad for them. I never understand how people could give up who they are for someone else. It just makes no sense to me. Why would you want to be friends with or be with someone who can't accept you the way you are. This means that they really don't like the real you. If you start to change this lets them know that they do have control over you, or the situation to better put it, and they'll just keep going until the make you the way they want.
• India
1 Feb 09
Of course i have tried, but when ever i try to change myself i somewhat feel the uneasiness that the change which i am adopting is the thing that m doing for someone else for their happiness and satisfaction. So i have never felt such changes a part of mine till now. So i try to compromise people with wat i am so that even they don get hurt and i can also be wat i am without adopting any changes in my life or in my attitude. Changes are always like a surgery in u, it might seem to be real but it is not urs. So most of the times i try to be myself of wat i am, which i feel is the best way to life my life for the maximum extent. Its good to get compromised for people whom we care and love but at the same time we should see to it that we dont loose our own identity by changing ourselves for their happeniness. No one can play our role better than we do. So be proud to be wat u are.
@hahn19 (16)
• United States
1 Feb 09
personally i have never change for someone else i figure if they dont tlike me for me then they will never like me.......
• India
1 Feb 09
i have changed my character itself for my girlfriend bcoz she truly lov me.but i wil say one thing don't ever change urself for one don't love you............so i tried for my lover and i won in that........