Whats wrong?

@akangirl (2436)
India
February 3, 2009 3:34pm CST
I am feeling so lonely nowdays, scared too and my chest feels like tearing apart. I am feeling painful but not because of any physical pain. I desperately am looking for a way out but there is none to be seen. I want to cry even tears are in my eyes but can't as i don't want my or sister to see. Why i had to be strong every difficult time, i want to run away from this responsibility but can't or won't as there is no one to take them after me. I want a way out like a free bird. I want to die. everytime a good news seems to be coming then something very bad comes before it and dooms me. I don't ask for happiness just plain nor happiness or sadness.Bills scares me and I was happy two days ago then again the harsh reality came and doomed me. i can't sleep with this tension. today i lied to mom that everthing will settled when i know it can't be. what to do? where to hide? god please take me away from my misery
3 people like this
15 responses
@greenline (14838)
• Canada
4 Feb 09
Hello dear friend Akan. I read your message twice. I do understand you are going through a difficult time. I have sympathy for you. Don't worry. This will not last forever. I see it as a transit period in a life time. My suggestion would be, try to identify the causes, and define ways to solve them. Be confident, you will surely find the solutions. Best wishes to you dear friend Akan.
3 people like this
@akangirl (2436)
• India
4 Feb 09
I know the cause and i have only one day left now and the solution will take atleast 10 days. I don't have time that's why i am worried. Anyways thanks a lot for your kind response
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
3 Feb 09
first of all keeping it to yourself is what is making you ill, who said you have to be so strong that you cannot be human and have human emotions. You need to talk about these things, and if you don't want to talk to your family and friends, you need to get help professionally, you need to get therapy.
2 people like this
@akangirl (2436)
• India
4 Feb 09
Dear i can't talk to mom otherwise she will get tensed and making my old mom tensed because of me being a failure in life is something i can not even think of.She has done a lot for us.When my dad left us without any support , yes no divorce either and even mom's family abandoned her even then she raised both of us alone.If she would have wanted then she could have left in adoption centre ( which one of her friend suggested) and started her own life again and could have got married.My mom was very beautiful and young then but she raised us without even thinking about herself. She have sacrificed so much. I don't have the gut to make her tensed. Nowdays ladies get remarried without thinking how their child would be treated by their step dad as living alone for their children is not possible for them but my mom sacrificed her life. I don't have true friends and now mylot looks like a second home to me. Its the place where i can get all my emotions out. As for therapist. Sorry they are very expensive and i can't afford them. If i had money then this problem would have not arisen dear.
1 person likes this
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
5 Feb 09
I understand hon, if you want you can pm with your worries, I am a therapist by training, I am not working as I am disabled now.
@dodo19 (47235)
• Beaconsfield, Quebec
3 Feb 09
We all have those moments. Some more than others, but they occur nonetheless. Something that you may want to try is to do something that makes you happy. Whether it's reading, skiing, swimming, watching a moment, going to shop, hang out with friends ... whatever it is, go out and do it, ever if you're feeling too low to do it.
2 people like this
@akangirl (2436)
• India
4 Feb 09
I am sick of being eldest daughter, taking care of all house expenditure and now financial crisis is killing me
@dodo19 (47235)
• Beaconsfield, Quebec
5 Feb 09
I'm the eldest of two daughters. So I can easily relate. I'm sick and tired of it too. It hasn't been easy for me either.
• Romania
3 Feb 09
What you would need is a place to get away, a corner of your own where to be able to breathe. I know this kind of loneliness mixed with depression, I had it too a long time ago and only G-d knows how hard I fought it, and I can tell you IT IS SERIOUS! I can try and help You get out of it (and I would really want to help for as much as I can). Please pm me.
2 people like this
@akangirl (2436)
• India
4 Feb 09
Thanks a lot for your help buddy. I am better now.
@syankee525 (6261)
• United States
4 Feb 09
you are like millions of others, with things going these days, are hard. people are finding themself in a place they never thought they would be. and its hard. specaily when something good happens then something bad happens. you got to be strong, and don't feel bad to tell someone who's close to you. talk that person either your sister or mom. talking about things is often the best thing to do. but these days depressiom is sitting in with many, if you need to go and talk to your doctor best of luck
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Feb 09
here's the secert go ahead and be happy and when something bad happens go ahead and still be happy and laugh at it. if you live life not being happy or allowing yourself to be, let me tell you depression really do suck.
@akangirl (2436)
• India
4 Feb 09
Yeah its mostly like this whenever a good news come a bad news come sooner even before one can celebrate.Now i am scared to be happy too
@aerous (13434)
• Philippines
4 Feb 09
don't try to run away from your misery. you need to face the problem you have to make you free from that loneliness.i don't what your problem is, i want to help get back your nor mal life. you need to know and understand that life fill with misery wherever you look around miseries and loneliness is there. don't be hopeless, make your life being bright and feel the hapiness that make you feel better. just pray, and pray to lets free from that misery.tell me what is your misery and i will be ready to help from that pain. i will give you my golden advice so that in a minute of time i will inspire to live again and see the beauty of life. please bear in kind that there is person ready to stand you by your misery.
1 person likes this
@akangirl (2436)
• India
4 Feb 09
I can't run even if i want nor i am so selfish but this situation has just made me very scared
@akangirl (2436)
• India
4 Feb 09
Thanks for being there for help but dear you can't help me with this situation. It feels good that my online friends are there for me when my real friends have run away. That's why i call mylot my second home
@magojordan (3252)
• Philippines
4 Feb 09
I think everyone feels that at one point in their life. I think you should go tell it to the people closest to you since they're the only ones who could help you.
1 person likes this
@akangirl (2436)
• India
4 Feb 09
I wish i could tell or had a friend in whom i can confide
• United States
3 Feb 09
I think you need to leave your surroundings for a while. A vacation seems to be in need. Since you work via the web, you can just take your laptop w/ you I like do & work anywhere. When I talked to you today on Skype I think you asked if I travel alot. I do it so I do not get depressed like I used to. Drastic changes in scenery always seems to calm my nerves & bring happiness back into my life. Like when I told you went to Thailand, ran out of money when I was there & worked to get home. When I got home I was fine for a while until I got depressed again. If it is your surroundings then you must leave them for a while. After you have left for a good amount of time, you will want to go back to them. I don't know if this advice helps, but it works for me.
1 person likes this
@akangirl (2436)
• India
4 Feb 09
My problem is financial crisis and without money one can't even go to anywhere out. Thanks for advice but sadly i can't follow it
• United States
5 Feb 09
What you should maybe do is. Open up an ebay account & start selling your stuff. This is a great way to start as you own the items already & that can be your starting stock. Thats how I got into ebay. Before I was doing real well with the investing I had some money issues so I opened up an ebay account & started selling all my stuff that I was not too attached to. What you would want to do is go to the ebay USA home page & open an account from there. The reason is because you would be then selling your items being paid in the USD & not INR. When clients pay in USD or in any currency for that matter paypal will automaticly convert it to INR for you. So you will be making double, triple or even more than that + you will be hitting a broader range of people. Also ethnic based items & items not available to other countries, but readily available to you in your country sell really well! You can even try & sell foods that will not spoil in shipping. Some of the things I have sold & sell on ebay I find for free in the garbage. Seriously, lol. Let me know how this sounds to you.
@maruti16 (36)
• India
4 Feb 09
My beloved friend,You are depressed but you cannot be depressed for long because in this world nothing is permanent.this world is flux.everyting is moving and changing.If you look at your depression,you will feel that even your depression is not the same the next moment,it is different,it is changing.Just keep yourself cheerful ,standup and go outside for a different.CHEERUP
1 person likes this
@akangirl (2436)
• India
4 Feb 09
Running away is not the solution
• Philippines
4 Feb 09
What specifically is your problem? The only way to solve your depression is to write down each and every item that cause it. Then one by one discuss it with somebody you may trust. Always remeber that for every problem there is a solution. Though some solutions may come very complex. If you want I can help you figure it out and wew could possibly solve some of them. Just send me a message and I'll be willing to help you out.
1 person likes this
@akangirl (2436)
• India
4 Feb 09
My only hope has finished today.I have to solve this today or else my family would suffer. God help me please. I tried to find every possible way but the problem is time. I have got only todays day and if i work non stop for 10 days then only i can solve it but problem is time.
• Philippines
5 Feb 09
What is it that you want to resolve the soonest. how I wish I could help you. If you need someone to talk to just PM me.
@daddyfree (122)
• Philippines
4 Feb 09
well don't be scared of the reality. that is life actually and sometime life is so hard to understand and adjust with all the situation coming. be strong and feel that you are independent and you can do it. BELIEVE IN YOURSELF
1 person likes this
@akangirl (2436)
• India
4 Feb 09
I wish too that this time pass asap
• China
4 Feb 09
god will bless u! keep happy everday !forgot some unhappy stuffs ,time passed you will be pleasant
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Feb 09
i'm sending you warm fuzzies ! i have felt this way many times.... the past few days i've been utterly depressed/withdrawn/antisocial/ and just plain horrible feeling... if you're doing all of this without medication just keep telling yourself that it will pass... I PROMISE IT WILL! altho it's hard to see at times... and trust me.. this is something i have to do every single day. just know people care about you and are willing to help ! you can email me if you wann... M
@akangirl (2436)
• India
4 Feb 09
Thanks for the fuzzies dear. I am glad i met so many wonderful people on mylot which i could have never guessed existed
@besthope44 (12123)
• India
8 Oct 10
i feel i get refreshed after having my chocolates. And best remedy is Meditation, try breathing exercise, it will help you balance and handle depression.
@albert2412 (1782)
• United States
5 Feb 09
Hi. I am so sorry that you are so lonely. I feel lonely a lot too. I do not know what your problems are, but i am here for you always. You can talk to me. I want to be your friend. Sometimes the problems of the world just seem too much to bear.