Moral Dilemma
By Zezloler
@Zezloler (497)
United Arab Emirates
February 5, 2009 12:42pm CST
Here's an moral dilemma that my friend told me a couple of weeks back that may be interesting to some of you (although it requires a bit of reading =P):
You work at an e-mailing company or something of the kind and need the job to support your young family. Your company filters e-mails, but some of them have to be checked manually as well before they can proceed with the procedure, and you're in charge of going through them.
One day, your friend's wife sends an e-mail to some guy that has to be filtered through you. Normally this is standard procedure, so you open the e-mail, and, shocked, realize that you have just discovered that your friend's wife is having an affair with the guy she sent the e-mail to!
The company that you work for is very conscious about confidentiality and telling someone what you read in any e-mail is sure to get your job lost. You realize that telling your friend meant that you would get fired, as someone would be sure to tie the stings together somewhere and find out that you leaked what was in the e-mail.
The dilemma is...
Would you tell your friend that your wife is having an affair and lose the only job you have that supports your young family and yourself? Or would you remain quiet and keep your job?
The choice is yours. Dum, dum, dum! 
2 people like this
13 responses
@Tinkerbell7 (160)
• United States
5 Feb 09
I think it would have to depend on how good of a friend this was. If it was someone I just knew or saw casually then I would stay out of it. If this was my best friend someone I trusted then you are damn right I would tell them and hope they would do the same for me. You don't have to loose your job over it though, just tell him that you are suspicious and then let the cards fall. I would hope that you would do this for your friend. Its never fun to be cheated on.
2 people like this
@antioxidant (438)
• Australia
6 Feb 09
Hm.. tough dilemma.. my job or my friend's life. If it's a friend i really care about i don't think i can just not care and not say anything. But then again it might be a private thing between the two and i might be stirring up something nasty if i told him about the email. I would say i better keep my job first and see how things go between the two. I'll keep a close eye on the wife for my friend. If the wife's affair is serious she's bound to let it slip and he'll know about it eventually. If it turned out to not be a serious affair then it's good to let things be and not create trouble. Afterall, i'm supposed to prove that i'm a trust-worthy employee and be professional. So my answer is, keep my job and remain clear-headed about it.
1 person likes this
@xcaveman (20)
• Egypt
6 Feb 09
heres what i think ........
stay out of it if he's not ur best friend and like that
but if hes too cloose and stuff then u have 2 give him a hint or sumthing ..
dont tell him in his face "HEY,UR WIFE"S CHEATING ON U" make it more like ..."pssst hav u ever wondered if ur wife was cheating on yah?!"
i go with the first ppost send an anonymous tip !
@apoots77 (104)
• United States
5 Feb 09
Hmm...what about sending an anonymous letter to the friend who was being cheated on. No mention of how the information was obtained. Just a simple letter, stating that the person writing it doesn't want to hurt this friend, but that he should maybe check up on his wife........?
1 person likes this
@Zezloler (497)
• United Arab Emirates
5 Feb 09
I suppose that would work, but I think the idea here is to choose between the two paths you have to take, even though it means giving up something for something else, you know? I always try to find my way around these types of questions too. 
But, assuming that there were only two choices you could make for some reason or another, what would you do? 
But, assuming that there were only two choices you could make for some reason or another, what would you do? @apoots77 (104)
• United States
5 Feb 09
Ok. If I only had two choices, as much as I wouldn't want to hurt my friend, I would tell him. I would never want to find out that I was being cheated on and a friend of mine knew and didn't tell me. Although I may lose my job over this (and possibly a friendship), morally, I feel that cheating is wrong....it's also very hurtful and unnecessary. So that's what I would do.
1 person likes this
@SeoulBoy_Art (193)
• Japan
7 Feb 09
I would bust my friends wife. Since i used to do investigative work. I would follow her in my free time and get the goods on her and then tell my friend what I saw and provide the proof. Bros before H well you know the saying.
@icecroft (449)
• Philippines
6 Feb 09
Well, this is a tough one...
I don't think you should do anything about it. You need to be professional about your job. When you started with the company, didn't you sign some sort of waiver or agreement that you shouldn't disclose anything that you see when filtering emails? If yes, you should stand by what you signed. It's not just about losing your job for your young family, it's about professionalism and ethics.
Besides, I also think it's not really your business to pry on your friend's life, no matter how devastating this issue is about. You are not in the proper position to do such thing. I know it's hard esp. when you're with that friend, but there are things in life that are better left unsaid. And we're not sure if he'll even appreciate it once you say it to him (something tells me that this might even ruin your friendship). He'll find out eventually.
Well, this is just my two cents.
1 person likes this
@Zezloler (497)
• United Arab Emirates
6 Feb 09
That's a really nice way to sum everything up. 
I've never thought about the professionalism issue to such an extent, but what would other companies think too, if they heard that you lost your previous job on the basis of confeditiality, and finally, how would you support yourself then? =S
Your input was appreciated. 
I've never thought about the professionalism issue to such an extent, but what would other companies think too, if they heard that you lost your previous job on the basis of confeditiality, and finally, how would you support yourself then? =S
Your input was appreciated. 
@bantilesroger (341)
• Philippines
6 Feb 09
Yes, I will remain quiet since it is the nature of my job to keep my mouth shut.
I will still help my friend without telling him of what I know. There are many reasons a spouse strays. I will encourage my friend to give his wife an extra dose of tender loving care, more time and attention, more assist in housework and childrearing, more attention to the wife's career if the woman is pursuing it. If necessary, I will advise my friend to court his wife anew, and even to use the internet for this second courtship. In indirect ways, the husband must be encouraged to find the real reason for the wife's dissatisfaction and address that problem.
In short, while keeping my mouth shut about the infidelity of the wife, I will encourage my friend to win back her love by the simple device of smothering his wife with love, and to also use the internet to convey that love.
1 person likes this
@sandymay48 (2030)
• Canada
6 Feb 09
I think before I would say anything, I would have to know the people very very well and be my best friends...Sometimes people can surprise you and are not what they seem and you could be jeopardizing your job and family for something you had assumed.
So, just people I know casually...nope, stay out of it..best friends..I wouldnt want my best friend hurt!
1 person likes this
@aprilj1231 (288)
• United States
6 Feb 09
I would probably go to my supervisor and tell him/her that you have a dilema and you don't know what do to about it because it's a question of morality and adhering to confidentuality agreements. They may be able to help you sort out what the correct course of action should be that will not put your job at risk. Good Luck, it's a tough choice to make.
1 person likes this
@katsalot1 (1618)
•
5 Feb 09
I think it would depend how well I knew the people involved. If I thought it would help them to know I would probably tell them, but if I didn't know them very well, I wouldn't. It could be very bad to pass on this information, because lots of people have only one short affair, then never do it again, and if you told the friend it could break them up permanently.
@Zezloler (497)
• United Arab Emirates
6 Feb 09
I agree. If it wasn't a close friend of mine I don't think he would expect me to tell him anything like that or get involved in his personal affairs. He might get offended too that you're prying too, if you think about it, even if you only tried doing what you thought was the best for him and had food intentions. o_o
@allentcl82 (590)
• Singapore
6 Feb 09
i wouldnt certainly tell my friend.. Not only because i need the job, imagine the impact i would have caused to my friend if i tell him his wife is having an affair.. What would happen to his family? his kids if any? will they get a divorce because of me? Were his wife just confuse and do the wrong thing at that particular moment? I understood that you may feel guilty towards your friend.. but sometimes, somethings, its better not to know anything.. Just my thoughts.. No right or wrong answers i suppose..
1 person likes this
