Husband abuse

@rosdimy (3926)
Malaysia
February 7, 2009 2:15am CST
Much has been said about wife abuse. Not much has been said about husband abuse though this does happen in many societies. The thing is not many abused husbands want to talk about this. Maybe they are afraid of being called as having no balls. One of my religious teachers was controlled to the extent that he had to go hungry everytime he went to school. I still remember his sunken face and the longings in his eyes on seeing his colleagues eating at the canteen. There was nothing that I could do as I did not have spare money. All of his earnings were controlled by his wife. There are also other forms of husband abuse. There are wives who stopped their husbands from sleeping with them until the husbands fulfill their wishes. Yet others let their husbands to self-service in almost everything. In one case the husband was hit with a heavy wooden chair on the head because he wanted to read the newspaper after returning from work. In my country there is a sub-culture which expects the males to be subservient to the women. What is(are) your opinion(s) on husband abuse? Have you seen or heard about it in your society? all the best, rosdimy
3 people like this
9 responses
• United States
8 Feb 09
Well, like you said men who endure abuse of any kind really don't wish to speak up, but yes it does take place. I feel that it is just as wrong as the husband abusing the wife, and that if more men were to speak up there would be more action in society. I mean you can only help those who wished to be helped and investigations on things like this can't be done without a little hint here or there. I have actually seen a married couple who displayed characteristics of an abusive wife, and a lot of onlookers made silent comments. It actually made the couples friends very uncomfortable, but no one wanted to speak up feeling that it wasn't their place to do so.
• United States
9 Feb 09
Great points, Other than it is not about winning or losing, It is being treated equally or fairly... Just getting a chance to be heard, but the courts have no ears they are generally deaf...
1 person likes this
@rosdimy (3926)
• Malaysia
8 Feb 09
There were abused men who wanted to be helped but not many people believe men can be abused by women since women are seen as the weaker gender. Furthermore men are expected to be able to solve problems by themselves. Men who are incapable of doing it, or let their respective spouses bully them, are always seen as wimps. If they answer back, they are perceived as the aggressor. How can men win?
1 person likes this
@rainmark (4302)
7 Feb 09
Yeah i do heard about husband abuse, when i was in college we conduct a survey on woemn and man abuse. It really surprise me that theirs a battered husband. And it realyl exist in our society but it's not too common compare to battered wife. Man can be abuse verbally, emotionally and how their wife controlled thier finances, sometimes some wife abuse them physically. I can say that maybe men love thier wife so much that's why they just let their wife abuse them in some many ways. Happy posting.
2 people like this
@rosdimy (3926)
• Malaysia
7 Feb 09
It may be more common than what we thought. Not many men are prepared to admit that their spouses are abusing them. Quite a few do not realise that they are being abused. Some men are in denial. Outside their homes they behave in a manly manner. At home they become meek and obedient to their spouses. Your assertion that love for their wives as a reason for them not leaving is right but not in all cases. all the best, rosdimy
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Feb 09
The problem isn't always that the abuse is not reported, the problem is that the reported abuse is not prosecuted. If a person reports abuse and there is no action upon the report of abuse did the abuse actually occur? So in a society or establishment where abuse took place and the abuse was not taken seriously then the statistic of that being a nicer more valuable section or place is created through the actions of complacency and the community is really a slum if the people allow such negligence to rule over their personal property. So how does allowing the corruption in the police department drive down the value of a nation? How does it steal the capitol that could be shared with all of the contributors and investors? How much abuse can we stop if our court systems were working for everyone instead of allowing the liars to get away with the fleecing of our society and their spouses? I'll match your husband abuse as I'm the victim... I'll raise it to be a community issue that needs to be corrected. I do not have a full house... In fact some people have told me that I was not playing with a full deck, now I understand as I see that busy fingers have taken a bunch of cards out to betray me and put me at a disadvantage. It is time for an upgrade...
1 person likes this
@rosdimy (3926)
• Malaysia
8 Feb 09
Thank you for your lengthy response. I have read all of your discussions after you accepted my friend request. I can imagine what you are going through now. It is saddening to see the society not paying much attention to incidents like yours. Maybe they are saying you are a liar behind your back, and that you fabricated stories to avoid responsibility. It is sincerely hoped that you will be able to overcome the obstacles. all the best in your endevours, rosdimy
1 person likes this
@urbandekay (18278)
7 Feb 09
Here in the UK a feminist organisation asked women only, who used physical violence more themselves or their man. They were surprised to find that women overwhelmingly reported that they were more likely to use violence against their man than their man was against them. Of course we feel horrified when we hear of a man using violence against a woman and perhaps do not feel the same horror when the woman is the violent one. We should however guard that such inclinations do not blind us to striving for justice for all all the best urban
2 people like this
@rosdimy (3926)
• Malaysia
7 Feb 09
I was not really surprised. When I was a student nurse at St. Bernard's Wing I met a few battered husbands who were admitted as patients. I remember one poor guy who loved his wife but could not stand the abuse. This led to him having a mental breakdown. He did not understand why he was treated that way. He did not know what else to do and blamed himself for the way he was treated by his spouse. All I could do was listen to his story. His wife would come to the ward to ask for forgiveness and he returned home. Then the cycle started again. Men in general do not have a place to turn to. If they go to the police they would probably be treated with derision. Therefore they suffer in silence. all the best in your relationship, rosdimy
1 person likes this
@miamilady (4910)
• United States
7 Feb 09
I think in the United States there is spousal abuse in both directions. I think abused women are more common than abused men, but I also believe that on BOTH sides most incidents go unreported, so it's really hard to guage how much is really going on. People who are abused aer ashamed to talk about it. I think it may feel even more shameful for men, but I'm really not sure. Abuse in ANY form is shameful! But the person who is DOING the abusing is the one who should feel ashamed! Much more than the person who has been abused.
1 person likes this
@rosdimy (3926)
• Malaysia
8 Feb 09
Many are probably in denial. Many feel ashamed that their spouses could get the better over them. These are my opinions based on what I had seen and heard. You have a point there on who actually should be ashamed for taking advantage over the leniency, tolerance, love, and compassion shown by their victims. Unfortunately I have not seen one who admits to feeling ashamed over what they had done. Maybe it is the abuser who needs psychiatric treatment. all the best, rosdimy
• United States
7 Feb 09
Speaking for myself only. Any asbuse to Women or Men, Children, Animals or any other living entity is not acceptable. I think anyone that is an abuser needs serious help. There is something seriously wrong with them. I don't care where you come from or what the customs are there. Abuse is wrong. If we as human beings could all see and agree on that then we would be 1 step closer to Peace.
@rosdimy (3926)
• Malaysia
8 Feb 09
Thank you for your input. Any form of abuse is of course wrong, even though some people like to be physically abused. Usually as time goes by the abuse becomes worse. In the case of husbands maybe we should learn to see the tell-tale signs. However they see it they stikk need some kind of support. all the best, rosdimy
@savak03 (6684)
• United States
7 Feb 09
It is true that you hear much more about child abuse and wife abuse. You will even hear about abuse to the elderly before you hear about husband abuse. In my opinion abuse of any kind is just wrong. We are supposed to respect and care for each other. A wife that is controlling and abusive is not respecting her husband. So how can she expect to be loved and cherished.
1 person likes this
@rosdimy (3926)
• Malaysia
7 Feb 09
This could also be one of the reasons why men look for comfort outside their homes. They feel happier with other people, be it friends, colleagues, or other women. People in general are not supportive of abused husbands which is in contradiction to talks of equality. Not only that in a domestic dispute it is the wife who gets the sympathy. all the best, rosdimy
@Astro30 (90)
• Indonesia
7 Feb 09
I heard many times about a husband being controlled by wife but never heard about physically abuse. I am a husband that won't let my wife abuse me in anyway.
@rosdimy (3926)
• Malaysia
7 Feb 09
Many males in South East Asia are controlled by their wives without them realising it. This is done through the use of certain spells/incantations. I see this as a form of abuse. I guess you have heard of cases like this, The usual method is through the food given to the intended victim. The effect is usually permanent, with the victim becoming like a puppet whenever he is at home. all the best, rosdimy
@SaMB2509 (22)
• United States
8 Feb 09
I think human life should be respected nomatter what gender or marital status.
@rosdimy (3926)
• Malaysia
8 Feb 09
There is no argument to that. There is still some way to go towards this because some of us are not willing to compromise. All of us will have to learn to be open minded in a true sense.