Should I let her go?

Philippines
February 8, 2009 7:54pm CST
I love my gf so much and we've been together for 2 months now. We became lovers right in the middle of the fight of her x. Right now, i feel he still loves his x even though he told me doesn't love him anymore and she's in love and happy with me. Recently she admitted that she and her x went back in to their relationship last month. Then, just broke up few days ago and she said she will not do it again and will never go back to his x. I know she's still hurt and i want her to be happy. What should I do? Should I let her go? Help me.
5 people like this
37 responses
@swerdna (117)
• United States
9 Feb 09
First of all, considering what your tags for this discussion say, I think you've already made up your mind as to what you're going to do. Second, 2 months? Stay in school.
2 people like this
• China
9 Feb 09
do you still love her now? if you do, tell her that you care about her and see how she react. if she admits that she still love her x and want to get back to him, you should let her go. if she still doesn't admit, you should keep this relationship and see what will heppend. I think the most important thing is to figure out if she loves you or not. if you figure out that she loves you and her ex, you should have her to make a decision.
2 people like this
@zhuuraan (961)
• United States
9 Feb 09
If you really love her, you might try to forgive her. Talk to her seriously and find out exactly what is on her mind. I cheated once in my life and it wwas the most terrible thing I've ever done. Even worse the guy I cheated on had been one of my best friends more than half my life, and still is! I was about to split up with him cuz I felt we were better as friends than him as a gf, but I still went with this one guy before we split. I was gonna break it off the next day, but it still seriously hurt me, such that I eventually had to tell him to clear my conscience, among other things. We are still really good friends now, but that really killed me. You're gf may be feeling something similar. She wants to be with you, but she made that one mistake and it's probably really eating at her. I could be mistaken, but if you can bring yourself to forgive her, I'd say give her one chance and if she does it again, then tell her it's over.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
9 Feb 09
I really don't know what to do. Im confused. It seems like her words are just soft words to deceive me. I know she won't tell me if ever she does it again. I know, she will only tell me only after the incident had happened. I guess, i should give her a chance coz i really love her.
@rsa101 (30585)
• Philippines
12 Feb 09
I guess the timing when you went into that relationship is what caused this early breakup. I guess you went in at the time she was very vulnerable in herself. Making decision at that point in time is so so delicate that I feel is not strong enough to bond you together. I would suggest that if ever you would enter into a new relationship don't do it when the other party is still grieving over her past relationship better let her heal first then decide if its worth to be in that relationship. I think the girl is so much confused about herself that her judgement is so faulty. Respect her decision and hopefully she would be happy whatever she chose to in her life.
@misshoney (973)
• Philippines
10 Feb 09
hello. your ex girlfriend seems confused, i don't think she deserved your love so letting her go is one of the best things you can do. i know it will probably be hard but just think that someone better who will be able to give you all of her love wil come along. as the saying goes: be careful of other people's hearts, don't put up with others who are reckless with yours. goodluck and godbless.
1 person likes this
• United States
10 Feb 09
Hi, Sin. This is such a difficult situation. But in this situation I would say the old adage applies, "If you love something set it free, if it comes back to you it's yours. If it doesn't, then it never was". It is tough, I know, but in the long run it would be better for you and her. She is probably going through a really difficult time right now. I can not speak for her, but I would imagine that she doesn't want to hurt you. This adds more fuel to the fire that is already consuming her. If you truly do love and care for her, then I would suggest not necessarily "letting her go" so-to-speak, but backing away to allow her space to figure things out for herself. I would explain to her why you are backing away. I would also explain to her that your heart can not handle being lied to. By giving her the much needed space she needs then that will also , hopefully, prevent the lies as well. While I have sympathy for her situation, I must also add that she can not have her cake and eat it too. The cake may be moist and delicious, but after awhile it grows stale and dry. Then all you are left with is three hurt people. Good luck to you. I hope this helps.
@shamzy18 (2319)
9 Feb 09
well to be honest with you the way i see it is never go with someone who i salready in love with someone else. And has just come out of a long term relationship. I think you should let her go and tell her she needs to figure out what exactly she wants as she can just go behind your back agian. So it is best to let her go.
1 person likes this
@iansheila (175)
• Philippines
9 Feb 09
you should let her go... because she is not ready yet to have a new relationship after the break up.. as you have said, she went back to her ex, so meaning the feeling is still there. you better let her go and let the wound heal before entering into their picture. because it would be more complicated for her and more troubled.. and maybe, you bacame lovers beacause she is fighting with her ex, not because she loves you.. then if you really love her, wait for the time that she is fine and not broken hearted.. cos as you know, when you are broken hearted you just tend to cling to the person showing affection to you, without thinking that you dont have a feeling for him after all. hope i was able to help. good luck.
1 person likes this
@itsme_cha (504)
• United States
9 Feb 09
every body makes mistakes in life, some make disissions that aren't really good for them, well if your gf come back to you tell's you she will not do it again getting back to her x-bf then gave her a chance, every body deserve a second chance in my opinion.
@amrith (291)
• India
9 Feb 09
May be she had for her X is infatuation .and love for you must be true . time should come to make her understand that only true love last and infatuation only spoils both of them. if you have true love for her give her time to understand her mistake she will be yours for ever
1 person likes this
• Philippines
9 Feb 09
It may be too early to tell, but forgive me for being blunt on this. . . your girlfriend is just using you as a shoulder to cry on and she cannot be faithful to you forever. the fact that you've been together for two months now yet she had that guts to tell you that she went back to her ex, that's a slap on your face. She can never be the right person to be trusted. Good luck.
1 person likes this
@skysuccess (8880)
• Singapore
9 Feb 09
sinnedsejatnom, Can one really love without trust? Most relationship never made it there because most relationships perish, not because of circumstances, but because of inner conditions. Allow me to share my two cents for your consideration: please do not reckon that the mutual respect of space, freedom and understanding contributes to the downfall of your relationship. In fact, it's probably the first finger we often pinpoint whenever promiscuity/infidelity strikes in any relationship. But I can tell you these only represent the catalysis. The attribution to external causes per se only reveals a distorted truth; it always seeks to blur the real underlying problem of ourselves and tries to besmirch one's perception in Love. Our relationship is never stagnant; stagnation is but a phrase we often used to describe the life of a relationship, but theoretically, relationship never stays dormant. A long period of stagnation is often unconscious degeneration of the relationship and before you know it, this degeneration will be revealed upon the introduction of 'catalysis'. One must fully understand that relationship is indeed forged by freewill. Nobody is coerced to love another person; we love incidentally and later made the choice to further this love into a relationship. Therefore, you got to weigh your own risk to see if you are still willing to pool the resources to make this investment worthwhile. [b]Pull out if you can't seem to forgive - you will save yourself a lot of misery. [/b] Hardwork never equate to success in love - you merely learn to adapt according to what your cosmic lesson would require and introspect regularly. Never set yourself on the degenerating path no matter what your encounters are - it's sad to know of people who saw the beauty of trust, only to destroy and blind this perception they once to bad circumstances. So continue to keep good perspective and definition of love, but work hard at keeping the flame alive, if your decision is to continue. 2 months of relationship might not be a major consideration why you are still willing to give it a try, but if you are just planning to try-and-see-how, then I would say don't bother. Either you do your best to make it work, or drop everything altogether. I will reiterate again: that would seriously save you a lot of misery. If we go back to the golden rule - whatever decision you make, it must eventually bring you happiness. From there, I believe it should dissolve your dilemma? like sugar to hot water. Take care.
• Philippines
9 Feb 09
I sympathy you friend.Seem like you loved dearly that girl that it blinds you of reality.Your GF is still confused. She still loves her ex but felt a bit guilt to you so she broke up with him again. I know it's hard but it's time for you to let her go. The space will give her a chance to think. Don't be used by her. If she loves you,she'll look for you but if she have not. Don't take it seriously. God maybe has another plan on you. Who knows that there is still someone worth loving for..one who'll give you unconditional love.
1 person likes this
@lizmeek (31)
• United States
9 Feb 09
You know this happened to me a few years ago. I was dating my now ex husband and he was working and we always fought. So while I was a jr in high school and working at my job I met this wonderful guy. We became best friends. We hung out and we knew each other was in relationships. My now ex and I were on the rocks and the same for the guy. Well one night I was baby sitting and he came over after he got off of work and we were talking about our relationships and we kissed and shortly after we became lovers but kept it on the down low. Well my ex and I actually broke up and so did him and his gf and we went to take things to the next level and then he became involve with his ex again and I did the same. We grew apart and then we decided ok we are going to try a relationship. Once we came to that he became friends with someone that we work with and she turned him against me and we never had that chance. He ended up marrying the girl and has children with her and I married my ex and had a child and divorced. I seen him at my old job and he wanted to come visit and I said that was fine. When he came over he told me that he was always in love with me and he couldn't handle that I was with my ex and I told him that I actually broke up with him for him and he was sad, but he told me that he always had feelings for me and always will. I still wonder what it would be like if we have gotten together. I don't know what advice to give but she has to be ready to be with you. If her ex doesn't treat her right or abuse her physically or emotionally you need to point that out so she doesn't get hurt. I hope things work out for you and the best of luck.
1 person likes this
9 Feb 09
let the girl go give her a speech such has i can see that you are in love/ still have feelings for you ex and i feel that you need some time to find out what you really want i hope it is me you choose but if not all that matters is that your happy
1 person likes this
@MythiliK (141)
• Switzerland
9 Feb 09
Don't get spoil yourself. She is so much confused and keep going back and forth. Do you believe she won't go back again? Better let her go now itself, instead of taking things too deep rooted inside you.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
9 Feb 09
Is this mean that she is a two timer? Man, you do not deserve her. Let her go, don't mess up with her. You deserve someone better she is just using you to cope up with sadness, she do not love you. You are just wasting your time. Find someone else. My boyfriend and I became WE after someone courted and broke my heart, he was there to cry on and made a promise that he will be someone worth loving for. I allowed him to be in my life though I still have feelings for the first. As the time goes by, I've seen his sweetness and worth. I fell in love with him, it was really hard for me to show to him that I love him because he thinks that I still love the first. It took him more than 6 months to feel that I already love him.
• China
9 Feb 09
Hi,friend.My suggestion is that if she still loves him,you can quickly end of it.That means it is decided by her.
1 person likes this
@Crocket (315)
• Canada
9 Feb 09
You must feel the vibes and go with your gut feelings here. Who is the one that is being honest? I don't know? So many people tell you what you want to hear and then go and do something totally opposite to what they have said. Fell her out and then make a rational decision. Crocket.
• Philippines
9 Feb 09
I know you are hurting as well knowing that she cheated on you once. It would be fair to you if you let her free for now and she should think over if she really wants you over the ex. She still needs healing for the past hurt and past relationship that she's been to. If she is really meant for you I know she will be back after she's healed. I know you don't want to be dragged by her as she heals right this will just hurt you more. talk to her and tell her how much you feel about it. the final decision will still come from you. Goodluck!!!
1 person likes this