Long Distance Relationships

@Alex18 (169)
United States
February 9, 2009 11:26pm CST
What do fellow mylotters think about long distance relationships? I am in a long distance relationship with my gf. She lives in the Philippines while I live in the U.S. I love her with all my heart and i would do anything for her and I have never been happier in my life than I am having her. We only get to talk usually once a week, sometimes twice and I am ok with it. I am just happy that she is happy, she hasnt had the easiest life there and she is at home now with her family and I am happy for her. I hope that we can meet in person sometime next year, but im a full time college student so its a little hard to make money right now, but im working on it. But I am just curious what other people think about long distance relationships
3 people like this
21 responses
• United States
11 Feb 09
I had a relationship in which turned to long distance, and it didn't work. We both got to a point in which we missed those little moments that we used to have by being physically there. With my husband now, we had to be apart for almost a year before we saw each other again. It was hard and I just had to keep myself busy in the mean time. Now we're married and life is good. I have a friend that's married now and met her hubby online and they were together for 3-4 years before they got married. And they weren't in the same city or country til a week before they were married. They're pretty happy and everything's well. As long as both of you are true to each other, you got nothing to worry about really.
@Alex18 (169)
• United States
11 Feb 09
Yeah I think it would be extremely hard if we had a relationship where we were together and then it turned long distance, so in that sense i am glad because as you said, you miss those little moments when you are together and its hard to not focus on those things when all you want is your bf or gf to be there with you. Yeah we get to chat once a week so i have to keep myself kinda busy which is pretty easy since i am a full time student, but i still miss her a ton, but I know that God will let us know when the time is right for us to meet. Wow, only a week after they met they were married? thats quick, lol.
• United States
13 Feb 09
No, they've met in person a bunch of times prior to moving to California. He would go every year I think or 1-2 years he'd go visit her for a month. So they have connected in person as well. I don't think people should get married unless they've met in person and have spent time like how their daily life after that marriage would be like. It would be frustrating as well as quite disappointing if that's not the case. You should go visit your gf and spend time with her. 2 weeks to a month each visit would already be great anyways. To ensure that this is real. Hang out everyday, meet her friends, family and see what her life is like.
@Alex18 (169)
• United States
13 Feb 09
ohh, ok. that makes more sense. Yeah I agree with you, people need to be around each other before they should get married. I wish soooo much that I could go see her and meet her, but the problem is I am a full time college student and I dont have a job, I have some money, but I need that for school too. What do you think I should do? I havent told my parents a lot about her, or about us together, but they are the only people that can really help me.
@aisaellis22 (6449)
• United States
10 Feb 09
Hello Alex18! Long distance relationship is ok. It really takes a lot of patience on your part and on your girlfriend's part. My husband and I met online. He is american and I am filipina. We've been talking to each other for 2 years and now we're already married. Although we are away right now because we have to pass all the requirements of immigration, we really made it sure that we talk everyday not only on online but also on the phone everyday.
@Alex18 (169)
• United States
10 Feb 09
Yeah and we both have a lot of patience for each other. My gf is actually fillipina as well so she is on a completely different time schedule as me, but we usually chat in the morning her time so its early at night for me. We've only known each other for about 5 months and we talk about once a week because her family is a little poor so they dont have a computer at their house so she has to travel to talk to me and they dont have a lot of money so we can only talk once or maybe twice a week. Im just curious, but how did you two get married. did he come to visit you or did you go visit him and you got married then?
• United States
10 Feb 09
Oh, we are like that too at first especially when I was still studying.. We got married last year because he finally visited me here and got married..
@Alex18 (169)
• United States
10 Feb 09
Aww, thats sweet. I wish you two the best of luck with your relationship. I hope you get past all the immigration requirements soon too so you can be together :)
• United States
11 Feb 09
To me personally I don't think long distance relationships work. It's very hard to be with someone that you can't see and can only communicate on the phone. Life is hard and sometimes you want to be able to see your love one, but you can't because they are to far away. As one poster aid in that type of relationship you need communication and you both need to be on the same page about your relationship and you have to let each other know how important you guys are to each other. The long distance relationship I had the guy cheated on me and got a girl pregnant, and I found out by the girl calling my house cursing me out. It was really heartbreaking for me because the way he talked to me on the hone and told me how he felt mad me feel he was true to me because I was true to him. But just because that happen to me doesn't mean it will happen to you or anyone else who's in a long distance relationship. Long distance relationship success depedns on the people in the relationship as with every relationship
@Alex18 (169)
• United States
11 Feb 09
It is very hard at times to be in a relationship with someone that lives so far away. We talk about once a week via webcams so we do get to see each other at least and im gonna get her a phone too so that we can talk a little more often even on the phone. Yeah and there have been some hard times for me since we have been together but we both understand that we cant be with each other right now and we both have amazing families that we can go to for love and support. We would love to be able to go to each other but we know that the time is not right right now for us to meet. God has a plan for us and hopefully he will let us meet soon. Yeah "I love you" and "I miss you sooo much" are by far the most said phrases when we talk, lol. Me personally, I love her way way way too much to ever do something like cheat on her and I think she is the same way too. I value her trust soooo much because it was hard to earn that so I will never take that for granted. Thank you very much for your response. I like to hear other peoples stories about long distance relationships.
• United States
11 Feb 09
It seems like you to have a great relationship and I wish you to the best of luck, and am happy that you two value each other and your relationship to much to cheat ;) trust is one of the must important element in a relationship once you lose that you don't have a relationship. At least you guys get a chance to see each other on webcam. You guys should also meet up with each other on second life it's virtual world but you guys can go on dates and stuff like that with your avatars so you guys can do stuff together. I hope everything works out for you two.
@Alex18 (169)
• United States
11 Feb 09
Yeah we are sooo happy just to know each other let alone be in a relationship as well. We value each others trust way to much to ever think to cheat. I love her very much and would never ever want to do anything that would hurt her. Lol, yeah the second life thing is a good idea, but when we get to talk its only for an hour and she has to travel to a cafe in they city to talk to me, so its not on a private computer and we dont have that long to talk, but i had thought about the second life thing before, but we just value the time we get to talk :)
@jesbellaine (4155)
• Philippines
10 Feb 09
Hello There. How are you? Actually, we do have the same situation here. I live in the PHilippines and my boyfriend live somewhere in Saudi. He left last year to work for about two years. I admit that it is not an easy setup for both of us because I am really used of having him around in all means. lolz. First few months we always talk because my schedule meets his schedule when he gets home from work but these past few months, we only talk for once or twice a week, sometimes, he would call me... That is fine with me too since he is busy and I am too though I always send him a text message lolz. I just miss him so much and love him too. I just hope that 2 years is done so he can go home. Good luck in your relationship with your girlfriend. Be happy! Thank you for the discussions. Happy Mylotting and Have a great day ahead. Cheers!
@Alex18 (169)
• United States
11 Feb 09
Hi :) im doing fantastic, thank you. Yeah its hard, but i personally think your situation is more difficult because you have met your bf and gotten to spend time with him and then you had to leave him as he left for saudi. I think that would be extremely hard to leave someone for 2 years after spending a lot of time with them. I hope when she comes here she can stay because it would be extremely hard to leave her after spending time with her. Yeah i am ok with our chat schedule. Im just happy that she is happy. I love her very very much and would do anything for her and to make sure she is happy. Thank you very much :) Good luck with your relationship as well!
• Philippines
12 Feb 09
Yes, you are right. It really took a while before he convinced me that I should let him go to work there for our future. I really cried every night and got very emotional before he left. I even require him to spend his time for me everyday… lolz.. it was like I am commanding him to do that though I know that I don’t have to do that because when he was here, he loves to be with me… I just hope that when he goes back, he is still the same person who loves me and vice versa. :Cheers!
@Alex18 (169)
• United States
12 Feb 09
Yeah, honestly we both cried a little when she went home and we knew we would only be able to see each other once a week, but for me it was tears of joy because her previous job wasnt good for her and I was so happy that she was going home to be with her family and she is sick right now too. She has had a cold for about 2 weeks and it hasnt gone away so im still worried about that. But we both knew that her going home was the best thing for her so it was perfectly ok with me that we only get to talk once a week. Of course i would love to see her every second of the day and i miss her a TON and would do anything to have her here with me, but we know thats not possible right now so we make the best of our current situation :)
@Obsidian (70)
10 Feb 09
hi Alex, I have the same situation as you too. I am studying in UK, and my boy friend studying in US. there is 6 hours time difference between UK and US. I always wake up and go to school just after he slept, and backed to home just before his classes. we just meet once every year in China about two weeks or less. However, we are happy! By using the web-cam, we see each other everyday.
@Alex18 (169)
• United States
11 Feb 09
Yeah, she is 14 hours ahead of me, so she tries to get on early in the morning when we get to chat so that it is early in the evening here and im still awake. Yeah, we havent gotten to meet yet. Were hoping by next christmas we can. We chat with webcams too, but we only get to see each other usually once a week.
11 Feb 09
wow ,never met before? how did you know each other?
@Alex18 (169)
• United States
11 Feb 09
Yeah we have never met in person :) we met online.
@bubbletush (1333)
• Philippines
10 Feb 09
It is very hard to nurture a long distance relationship. It requires trust and fidelity from both parties. I am a Filipina and there was a time when my husband was assigned in the US for 9 months because of work and I was left in the Philippines. We just made it a point to always find time to communicate. He would call me up once a week but we make sure that we could at least chat a few hours every day (considering it is cheaper compared to overseas calls). It is also very important to always assure each other so very often of how much they are loved, how much they are missed, and to keep holding on because sooner all the sacrifices will be compensated, and when you are together at last, it is worth all the wait.
@Alex18 (169)
• United States
10 Feb 09
Yeah I trust her a lot, and she trusts me a lot too and I value her trust more than anything, because she doesnt give it out to a lot of people now. Yeah we have only been together about 5 months and im hoping it will be around 14 months when we get to meet, but im still not sure about the time because of the cost of getting her here with me being in college and no job. We only get to talk about once a week via webcam so at least we get to see each other and im hoping to get her a phone so that we can call each other a little more often. Yeah "I love you" and "I miss you" are by far the most used words when we get to talk, lol. Yeah all the time apart, all the times I think about her and miss her will all be worth it when we do get to meet and i get more and more excited everyday thinking about it just hoping it will be sooon
• Philippines
11 Feb 09
well good luck to your relationship. May be you should also consider going to the Philippines instead of her going to the US. I believe it is more cheaper if you will be the one going here and you get to enjoy the beautiful places in our country.
@Alex18 (169)
• United States
11 Feb 09
Yeah, I would absolutely love to go to the philippines. I was going to go there this summer and visit a good friend that lives there, but my parents didnt like that idea, but im still working on them, lol. I would be extremely happy just to meet her, no matter what country were in.
@rsa101 (22938)
• Philippines
11 Feb 09
Well it is really hard to maintain one, but if you are really that eager and love can sustain even the distance why not. I think since you are still young I guess it is just right that you focus on your studies first and try your best to educate yourself to be the best you it is for your future and your GF anyway so right now you should focus more on studies then after that maybe you and your GF can have a better life together there.
@Alex18 (169)
• United States
11 Feb 09
Yeah, it is hard at times, but there is so much love between us that it works for us. Yeah and i am focused on my studies, but she is extremely important to me and personally I think it would benefit both of us if she was here with me now. I miss her soo much and i can say i wont let it affect me, but that would be a lie. Her here with me would mean the world for me.
1 person likes this
@rsa101 (22938)
• Philippines
11 Feb 09
I know it is hard for you to handle it, but I guess it has some benefits when you are away with your love one especially when you are studying. it gives you more time to focus on your studies than be distracted from her when she is there. Just think more on studies and soon you will reap the benefits of that hard work you are doing there. For as long as you stay loyal to the relationship and her as well then I do not see anything wrong with having a long distance relationship at all.
• Philippines
18 Feb 09
my first relationship was a long distance one and the guy met someone so he ditched me. at that time i felt bad and thought that maybe long distance relationships dont work but now, my current bf started to work far away from home but we're managing just fine, but maybe because there are no girls where he works hahahaha, i think it all depends on both parties how to manage the relationship. i have known people who broke up because the guy met another girl at work and his gf is far. but i also know of couples who are still together despite their distance.
@Alex18 (169)
• United States
18 Feb 09
Yeah, that kinda happened with me too. She just told me that she has a bf and is now engaged. But Im not giving up on her because I believe she is making a mistake. I am going there to see her when I get out of school in May. I will see her in person, I will tell her how much she means to me. I love her so much, she means the world to me. She will never find another person who loves her as much as I do and she will never find another person who cares for her as much as I do. I would do anything for her, to have her with me. I would track her down to the edge of the world if I had to. She means everything, I love her so much and I know she loves me to, I know she truly loves me too.
@reichiru (748)
• Canada
11 Feb 09
I'm not really into the long distance relationship thing, I really want to get to know someone in person before deciding whether or not I would want to be in a relationship with them. What if they have some habit that doesn't come up in your conversations online, and you don't know about it, but when you actually meet you find out and you don't like it? Of course, if you really love her then you'll probably be willing to overlook that, but personally I think it's a big issue. Communication is very important, so it's okay to ask her about the details of her life, although back off a bit if she doesn't want to tell. I still think that getting to know a person is more important, but that's just my opinion. I'm not against long distance relationships, but I would prefer not to get involved in one.
@Alex18 (169)
• United States
11 Feb 09
Yeah I understand what you are saying. Thats what I had always believed too. That i would want to get to know someone and be able to talk face to face with them, but then I met my gf online and she changed everything. Shes one of the most amazing people I have ever met and im am so proud and happy to call her my gf. And i see what you mean about the little habbit or something you dont like, but that can happen even if you get to know the person in person. Until you are in the house and around them a lot you dont know those kind of things either. Thanks for the response. I like to hear what other people think. good or bad
• United States
11 Feb 09
I have said it before, and I will say it again, most, not all, but most long distance relationships do not work because the parties involved get frustrated when they are not with someone. Now, some people can really make it work, others, on the other hand, really cannot do it.
@Alex18 (169)
• United States
11 Feb 09
Yeah, i would agree with that. A lot of people do get frustrated that they cant be with their bf or gf. To me it seems a little selfish, but i completely understand why they feel that way. I would do anything to be with my gf, but i also know that its not right time right now for us to be together and God has a plan for us. For me, I would do anything for my gf, I love her very much and while i miss her a ton, im ok with us being apart right now, because it will just be that much more special when we do meet and it will all be worth the wait. Thanks for the response, I like hearing what people think about it. good or bad
@mjanne (251)
• China
11 Feb 09
Long distance relationgship is not easy I know. Because my hubby and I used to have such relationship too. We lived in two citys. We had phone talks twice a week, and we also sent each other letters. We really missed each other. While finally, we tried our best to stay in the same city and got married. And also this relation ship experience became a nice memory too. I hope you two the same. Good luck.
@Alex18 (169)
• United States
11 Feb 09
Yeah it is hard at times, because you just want them there with you. we get to talk via webcam about once a week and im hoping i can get her a phone soon so that we can talk a little more often. I really miss her too, and i know she misses me very much too. Were hoping by next christmas she can come here and hopefully move here too. Thank you very much :)
• China
11 Feb 09
you'd better care about ur own feeling. from ur description, i could see you had a good "life" with ur gf-though just talking and texting. u like the circurstance that you two made. u could earn ur own money and have a trip there. maybe the most important thing is the family, i mean the cultural shock. bless
@Alex18 (169)
• United States
11 Feb 09
I was really worried about the long distance relationship at first and i was worried she might not be who she said she was, but now i am 1000000x ok with it. I have met her parents to via webcam as well. I do have an amazing and blessed life in America. My parents pay for me to go to college, one thing that is still hard for me to imagine is, she doesnt have a fridge at her house. I have three at my house and me and my roommate both have one in our dorm room. Yeah we both would love to be able to talk every day and see each other, but we know we cant do that right now and we are making the best of it and are ok with the time we get to spend together and we cherish every minute of it. Well i do have enough money that I could go there, but my parents are kinda of strict on things like that. I was gonna go visit a friend that i have known for a while and she lives in the philippines as well and they didnt like that very much, but im working on that. Yeah it would be culture shock for both of us depending who went where. She would be in major culture shock if she came here and while i have seen some rough places, it would still be a big shock for me if I went there.
@iansheila (175)
• Philippines
10 Feb 09
im ok with long distance relationship beacause in into it as well. my boyfriend is in philippines while im here in UK.. having a long distance relationship is not really that easy, its really a bumpy ride. communication should be open both ways. trust and understanding are really important in an any kind of relationship. good luck to your love life.
@Alex18 (169)
• United States
11 Feb 09
Yeah at times its hard because i miss her soo much and I just want to be with her. but yeah communication is wide open when we do get the chance to talk and we both trust each other very much. I would do anything for her. Thank you very much, good luck to your relationship as well :)
• United States
10 Feb 09
Well, I personally don't know how I would handle a long distance relationship, because I love the attention from my special someone. I don't disagree with it though, I think that if the couple can be committed and honest they will find a way to make things work regardless of the distance. Especially if you are happily in love you will do all that it takes to see that the two of you survive. You appear to be okay with the current status of the relationship and though you want to see her your hanging in there. I think its great that you have such a positive attitude about it and I wish the both of you the best of luck.
@Alex18 (169)
• United States
11 Feb 09
Thank you very much :) Yeah, we both love each other very very much and while we would love to see each other everyday we both know that at the current time we cant do that so we accept that we can see each other once or twice a week and enjoy every second of that hour. The best thing we can do is have a positive attitude and pray every day that God will let us meet very soon.
@itsme_cha (504)
• United States
10 Feb 09
its not a bad idea having a long distance relationship, we knows that a lot of people it works for me, including me, i met my husband online,,, its hard in some ways but once you get together its worth it.
@Alex18 (169)
• United States
10 Feb 09
Yeah shes the only girl i have ever had a serious relationship with and I love hearing from other people that have met their significant other online because it just reassures not only me, but when i tell my parents as well. Yeah i know it will all be more than worth it when we are together at last :)
• United States
10 Feb 09
Long distance relationships are the hardest things to be in and to have and you know what I believe that long distance relationships can work, just as long as you work at it. My husband and I were in a long distance relationship. We weren't that far apart we were only 6 hours away from each other by car. We would call each other every chance we got and he would come and visit every chance he got. Now you are in the America and your girlfriend is in the Philipines, that would be kind of hard to visit each other. That just means that the both of you would have to work extra hard at it. Because you guys are much farther apart. Good luck on your relationship, I hope that it works out for you guys as it has done for my husband and me.
@Alex18 (169)
• United States
10 Feb 09
Yeah we both work very hard at it and at times it is very hard because we only get to talk about once a week now via webcams. Im hoping to get her a phone so that we can talk a little more often and not just typing away at the keyboard. Yeah we are hoping to meet around next christmas, but with me being a full time college student its hard to get a job and the money she gets from working is just more than enough to buy food for her family there so a lot of it rests on my shoulders, but we are doing everything we can so that we can meet as soon as possible. Thank you very much :)
@unchie (122)
• Philippines
10 Feb 09
hi best friend! hehe yeah they are right.. I know u more than her and i can feel that u really love her. i wish u both will last forever..^_^
@Alex18 (169)
• United States
10 Feb 09
Thank you very much best friend! :) I do really really love her, shes an amazing person. Its hard only being able to talk once a week, but shes at home now and much happier and i am much happier now that she is at home with her family and not in the city.
@Gesusdid (1681)
• United States
10 Feb 09
As long as the relationsgip works then both people are happy i see nothing wrong with it , theres all types of communications internet, cyber cams , etc etc but theres nothing like the real thing. wish u good luck
@Alex18 (169)
• United States
10 Feb 09
Yeah, we chat via webcams about once a week. yeah i would give anything to be with her, but i know that right now is not the right time, but i know that in the near future there will a time for us. Thank you very much :)
• United States
10 Feb 09
My husband I met online so I think it's very possible for it to succeed. I agree that communication is most important, and committment. Good luck. Anora
@Alex18 (169)
• United States
10 Feb 09
Yeah, I love hearing about other couples that have met online because my parents had always been the people that gave me and my brother the impression that people on the internet are bad and that you cant find good people out there. And im only 18 and i havent told my parents a lot about her, because i go to college 9 hours away from where i live so i dont get to see them that often. But its nice that i have something to base what i tell them on. That there is love to be found on the internet and i have found a person that I love and loves me. Thank you very much :)
@raynejasper (2324)
• Philippines
10 Feb 09
..long distance relationship for me is fine as long as you work it out together.. In this kind of relationship, communication is very important.. You may not see each other personally but through communication, you will never forget to remind each other that you are there for her and she's there for you.. Trust and loyalty is also important.. to show that you really love the person, you have to trust him or her and never try to listen to what other people may say about her especially when its negative.. There are very rare relationships with long distance love affair have succeeded because of the issue on mistrust.. I hope you will succeed..
@Alex18 (169)
• United States
10 Feb 09
Yeah I trust her more than a lot of people i have known for a long time and i have only known her for about 6 months. She is a very loyal person as well. She made some mistakes when she was younger and they hurt her, but she has learned a lot from them and has changed. Yeah and she had someone previously in her life that had said some negative things about us but she got rid of him and things are going great now. Thank you very much :)