Gay marriage is not the issue here
By katran
@katran (585)
United States
February 10, 2009 1:38pm CST
I was having an interesting conversation with my mom yesterday about gay marriage. We were talking about how gay couples could be denied the privileges of making medical decisions for their partner in a hospital or having a say in the care of children or whatever, and my mom raised a very interesting point. That is not a problem with the fact that gay people should be allowed to get married but rather a problem with our laws. A person should be able to choose whomever they want to see them in the hospital or take care of their children.
I know several unmarried couples with no intention of getting married who face the same problems, and I think it is unfair. What about single people with no love interest who are estranged from their families and would rather have a close friend be in charge? I do not think that it should be a question of whether or not gay people should be allowed to get married, because gay people are not the only ones who face this problem. (In fact they are not the only people who face a lot of the problems that they face, but that is a different story.)
5 people like this
8 responses
@spalladino (17891)
• United States
11 Feb 09
When I was living with one of my ex's he fell and hit his head hard one day. He had a headache which he refused to have checked out for 11 days as it got progressively worse. Finally, he collapsed, one pupil dialated and the other not. He had a large blood clot pressing on his brain and needed emergency surgery. Since we weren't married I couldn't authorize the surgery and he was in no condition to do so so the surgeon had to call his elderly parents for their approval. At first they refused because they didn't understand the seriousness of the situation. Meanwhile, there I stood as time ticked away, unable to do what was necessary to save his life other than to raise my voice to his mother.
There is such a thing as a medical power of attorney which we could have had but we didn't think we would ever need one and that wouldn't have allowed me to stay with him in the hospital had they decided to make me leave. As far as children go, you can make arrangements in your will but that is subject to the approval of a judge if someone contests it.
@alyciassecret (542)
• United States
11 Feb 09
I think it is required for people to be married in order to do such decisions because of the government tapping on your life as well as lifestyle. And yes, I do agree that that shouldn't be a problem. People should be married to whomever they choose, not just for medical reasons but because they want to.
1 person likes this
@rogue13xmen13 (14403)
• United States
11 Feb 09
You raised some very interesting questions, and you are right! People who are single, and they have no one should be able to have a close friend in charge of their medical decisions in case anything should happen to them.
I still believe, on-the-other-hand, that if gays and lesbians want to get married that they should have that right. No one should deny them of their right to have what straight people have.
@xParanoiax (6987)
• United States
13 Feb 09
I agree. Everyone should be able to appoint whomever they want as their next of kin, to be able to have joint financial legal papers with whomever they want, stuff like that...regardless of where they live or what sort of money they have.
This is the modern age, it's not taboo or strange for alot of us to be single, orphans, committed but not married couples...so, our state laws need to reflect us more. This an issue we each need to address with the knowledge of how things stand where we all live. Were we in some other countries it might be a given, but here we have to fight for what we have. This is both wonderful and hard.
PROBLEM IS, alot of people will use gay people as an excuse to boycott alot of options that would help many people outside of the LGBT community. People let hate blind them.
Me? I strive to create my own options when my state falls short. My "will" is a file on a computer with instructions left for my family. My health care plan is my garden and supplies on hand. Heck, I created my own job when the economy decided to stop providing them for me.
I shouldn't HAVE to do these things, though...as great as it is that I've managed them/thought of them. As insufficient as they may actually end up being.
I just think we should all strive for more compassion, more understanding, more options.
@DoriLentrich (1016)
• United States
11 Feb 09
There is a legal way around the issue you're broaching and it's called a power of attorney for health care. It's a document, easy to execute that would give one person the right to make health decisions for another when the latter is incapacitated. Yes, you have to get a lawyer to draft the document, but once signed it protects the concerned parties.
The problem with legislating that a person can just choose, is how do you verify that the incapacitated person has made such a choice? The person is unconscious and unable to tell the doctors "Oh, by the way, that guy/girl is the person to talk to."
For many of the rights that gay couples claim they do not possess because of the inability to marry, there are legal ways around them. You can purchase real property with the right of survivorship, jointly own bank accounts, create trusts, etc. These protections are available for everyone, regardless of the nature of the relationships they pursue.
@xParanoiax (6987)
• United States
13 Feb 09
Most legal ways around these problems cost money that not everyone has, whereas married people normally just have the ability to speak for one another when one of them falls horribly ill.
And while I certainly do not defend ignorance or not looking for answers, it should be noted that most people aren't even aware of the alternative possibilities...in order to attempt to get at them.
ANYWAYS, it largely depends on the state, or country.
1 person likes this
@DoriLentrich (1016)
• United States
14 Feb 09
You're right, it does cost money. But what doesn't? Marriage licenses aren't free. People have to pay for those. Getting married in the U.S. is more of a privilege than a right. Some states even require blood tests, which the state doesn't pay for.
As for the disparity, it exists. But then again it exists for an adult child who is single and wishes their parents to speak for them. That child has to jump through all the hoops to make sure their wishes are observed, but nobody seems to think that's unfair, it's just life. The same goes for anyone who is on their own and wishes to appoint someone they trust. Gay marriage advocates don't want people who are not romantically involved to get married, regardless of reason.
As for people not knowing these things are out there, that is ignorance. Public libraries, the internet, etc., make getting information easier than it has ever been in the past. The answers are there and people just have to look for them. If we keep coddling people because they think everything should be presented to them in sound bites; we do them and ourselves a disservice. Power of attorney is referred to in television programs, it makes appearances on news programs, etc. It's not far-fetched that someone looking for that particular answer would have it by just asking around. As for taking property jointly, if someone is able to buy a house, they should know the various ways to take title. If not, they are making themselves vulnerable. I'm not saying that people have to know everything, but they should care enough about their own lives to do the requisite research to protect themselves.
@AngryKittyMSV (4317)
• United States
10 Feb 09
I totally agree with you on this, individuals should be able to legally designate that whoever they choose be put in charge of medical decisions if they become unable to do so, and they should also be able to determine who gets to visit them in the hospital. I am surprised that there isn't already a way to do this, I mean, you can give a non-relative power of attorney and they can handle all your financial stuff, so why not be able to have a non-relative as "next of kin"?
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
11 Feb 09
I do not know about homosexual couples, but I do know about people who live in the same house where one has the power of attorney because the other one is unable to write, or is other wise incapacitated. For instance, my sister-in-law is quite lucid, but her arthritis and stroke is so bad, that she knows but she cannot speak nor write so her sons have the power of attorney for her.
As for what you write, one can give a person permission that their friend can take care of their children should they die, or make medical decisions. But in the latter case, I would except that they also have to get a waiver from the parents saying that they want nothing to do with their son or daughter and are in effect disinheriting them.
So the problem is not that the person wants her friend to take care of her, but that the court has make sure the parents have refused any legal responsibility for their offspring and that makes it rather hard.
@xxkumorixx (16)
• Canada
11 Feb 09
Yeah the laws are pretty horrible, but i think you can have your best friend listed as your next of kin if your not with your family at all.
