How do you get him to "Open up"?

@cryw0lf (1302)
United Kingdom
February 11, 2009 6:37am CST
To be honest, i don't wanna hear how i should be kind to him, gentle, etc. I want to know about activities, things we can do, say like spend half an hour talking about whatever etc-etc. Before you say, 'maybe hes just a closed person' EVERYONE can open up. I was a closed person, look at me now, im asking for help arent i? Blabbing my cripe over mylot. (Plus im just open in general now). Right, i know he can be open, i've tried having serious conversations with him, actually i have had serious convo's with him but still, he just doesn't seem to get the fact that when he keeps things from me, it hurts me. Its like the 3rd time and he's STILL not learnt his lesson, of course im going to act insanely irrational if he's STILL not telling me!? But seriously, he KNOWS i can act completely sane when he DOES tell me, yet he still chooses not to? What can i do? Other then be kind and gentle etc- cuz seriously, that sh*z don't work, neither does having a serious convo. ---- [b]Last night, i was so distraught over what i was told, i went walkies (Lol) and ended up sitting outside tescos for 2 hours. (It was bloody freezing yes, and i could hardly walk at the end of it because my toes were so frozen). In these two hours, i was approached by a well-kept man, which surprised me because most people in my area are extremely rude. So at first, this guy offered me a grape, i wasnt hungry anyway, so i declined. He then asked to sit down, i felt a little awkward but agreed. I sat there thinking "Oh god a strangers talking to me!" He asked me what my name was, how old i was, i told him i was Laura and i told him my age. He asked me why i was out so late and told me i shouldnt be, he also asked me what age i thought he was, i told him 19, he said 17 (totally not relevant i know). I told him that i guessed i was troubled. He asked me what had happened. I could hardly speak, i wanted to burst into tears, but i told him i was fine. Still he persisted, until i finally spilled the beans- as to say. I told him what had happened, and he looked at me, and guess what he said... "Thats nothing, seriously its not that bad," And you know what i realized? Yeah, it was that bad to me, and yeah, i was stupid for trusting my man again and again, but he ignored his girlfriends phone calls to help me. He asked me if i loved my boyfriend, and i told him yes - obviously... So i may be stupid, but i love him too much to let it be over, i keep trusting him, i keep putting faith into him. I need to know you're opinion on whether i should bother? I dont think it will change my mind though, i won't stop trying to make everything okay... so i'm probably just stupid... [/b] Getting back to what was up there as well, my other question was if you know of any activities that people could do to strengthen their bond and work at being open in there relationship--? Thanks.. --Laura (And a special thank you to that man, whoever, and where ever he may be) I'm just sorry i didnt get his name. He really cheered me up...
2 responses
11 Feb 09
this one is a hard one sometimes its hard to know what to do when you love someone. but also think about your own happyness. how many times in the week do you feel like this. however every relationship needs work and sometime hard work, there are time we need to keep quite and not say the things we wish we could. words have a great impace on everyone lifes, good and the bad. simple things like going to town just to drink coffee and talking silly builds thoses bonds. and when it time to open up o you he will, becouse you have layed the foundations.
@psspurgeon1 (1109)
• United States
11 Feb 09
Oh girl, they lying man is soooooo complicated. My hubby spent about 7 years lying about everything to what he ate for breakfast to quite serious things. It felt like the first time everytime I found out. It was horrible. You know, it's hard to wrap yourself around it but he may not be in a position to be in a committed relationship and having accountability right now. This may be his way of pulling away from you slowly either unknowingly or knowingly. And alot of times when they start lying about anything, it turns into something they can't control. And as hard as this may be, if he isn't ready to change and he isn't ready to work at this with all he has, there is nothing you can do to make it better. He has to want it too. This is a painful process and I know how badly it hurts. It may come down to either living with knowing he's lying to you and learning to accept it until he is ready to change or not being with him. You cna't make his decision to quit for him and sad as it is, they aren't big on long conversations about how we feel. They tend to only hear one or two words out of a 30 minute conversation. I'm sorry you have to go through this. It will either be a long hard road or a devide in the highway and either way will hurt you.