Do you really need to tell your friends/relative all your secrets?
By K.Rajib G.
@krajibg (11923)
Guwahati, India
February 12, 2009 8:44am CST
If anything difficult is there that is keeping your relationship intact and alive, be it with your relatives or friends. The first and foremost cause of this difficulty, what I feel, is that we are more keen on receiving than giving. Once your expectations are shattered you feel as if all the odds have started pouring on you and you start blaming your relatives or friends. So your precious relationship with them has suffered a set back.
But did you expect this? Are you happy now that you hold negative view about your relatives and friends? You are surely not happy and this uneasiness was caused because you expected something in return from them and you did not get. I feel you would have been much happier had you not let grow the expectation and had forgotten that you did some good thing for them or you gave them nice things. This would have been your greatness. Second thing, as soon as you get into friendship or marital tie you forget yourself and open yourself up in a way as you unzip your coat. Why you need to tell all your deepest of the secrets to your husband/wife or friends? Did not you know that it could spoil your good relation? If you had not unfolded all those saga you would be better off and there none would be at the losing end. But now you have spoiled it.
I feel one should keep at least something for himself/herself without sharing with any one.
What is your take?
10 people like this
37 responses
@Anora_Eldorath (6028)
• United States
12 Feb 09
I have to agree with you that somethings are left best unspoken. It is not that I feel we necessarily need to "hide" things about ourselves, but that sometimes there are thoughts that perhaps one should not reveal as they may as you say spoil the relationship. I know that for myself I do not go and disclose my past to complete strangers, friends, or family. It is my past, but has nothing to do the with the present moment.
2 people like this
@krajibg (11923)
• Guwahati, India
13 Feb 09
Exactly. This is what I wanted to convey through my post. There are certain things better not spoken. Your view point matched to that of mine. Why create unnecessary storm over a cup of tea? Not shared something with you and I am sure you would not be happy to know this, why should I then spoil your happiness spoiling mine too at the same moment?
Thanks a lot for sharing.
1 person likes this
@brew2x (3094)
• Philippines
13 Feb 09
There are some things better kept secret or untold. If you are feeling something negative about other people especially if they are friends or relatives then don't just go ahead and express what you feel with another friend or relative that both of you know cause it will cause such commotions. Better be sure first, observe and have patience and if you are sure and can't take what happening anymore then it is better to confront the person involve.
1 person likes this
@krajibg (11923)
• Guwahati, India
13 Feb 09
Exactly. Until and unless you hold back your patience do it for it would save you from being heated up and the other end as well. If your humble secret becomes a cause to destroy the city of Troy better keep it within. you saved a city from going to the ashes.
Thanks a lot for your response.
1 person likes this
@DogArtist (18)
•
14 Feb 09
Sometimes people are very selfish and tell their loved one something because it makes THEM feel better - they've been feeling guilty about it - but all it does is make their loved one feel worse - it doesn't achieve anything. So sometimes I think you should keep things to yourself unless you know for certain that by telling it to someone you are being constructive.
@limitbreaker (253)
• Philippines
12 Feb 09
Nope.
The only person that I'm telling all my secret is my love one. I don't want to have a partner with full of secrets to one another. In this way our relationship will last long.
@andiel (117)
• Malaysia
13 Feb 09
I need three things to consider when revealing my secret to a person(s):
1. Do i really trust that person (not revealing my secret to someone else or accidentally)?
2. Is the secret is too much to be handled all by myself?
If the answer for all is yes, then i would consider sharing my secret.
1 person likes this
@blademaiden (734)
• Romania
13 Feb 09
I don't think that my personal life should be a matter of concern for my family and relatives, although they believe something else. They are quite intrusive and this behaviour has became annoying. I prefer to keep most things to myself, especially those related to relationships and love life. I have only a close friend to whom I confide from time to time and this is helpful when dealing with hard times in my life, and she knows that she can count on me too, but there are certain things I never tell to anyone.
@syankee525 (6261)
• United States
13 Feb 09
no you shouldn't, i don't share lot of things with my family or friends about things i've done in the pass. i like to keep them buried deep inside of me. i do have one friend that he knows pretty much about me
1 person likes this
@Erssyl (617)
• Philippines
13 Feb 09
When it is secret I don't tell any of my friends and relatives.When it calls for a private concern and will cause troubles I don't share it with anybody too.When The secret tends to hurt me I pray so I will forget.I don't discuss much about negative things to others.I don't want to hurt anybody by telling secrets that should be kept secret.
1 person likes this
@krajibg (11923)
• Guwahati, India
13 Feb 09
Very well said. Why unnecessarily invite trouble if your secret is all harmless. yes that is the way when you feel pain try to motivate yourself that you would be far away from such things in future and you would get solace.
thanks a lot for your response.
1 person likes this
@blue65packer (11826)
• United States
14 Feb 09
No! There are secrets I will never tell friends or family! Never! Ibelieve some things need to be kept secret! In the past I told family and friends secrets so they could understand me better. Not a good idea! It back fired and I got critized beyond belief! I learnt not to do that agian!
1 person likes this
@mirmacs (52)
• Philippines
13 Feb 09
For me, I don't realy tell my friends and relatives all my secrets. I will be stupid for me to do that. If you think it will hamper the relationship that you have with your family and friends, then I keep that secret. After all it is still a secret. There are secrets that need to be secret and I know you have that too. It pays to be honest, but too much honesty is stupidity. I should not tell any one that I have a secret. If you do so, you are at stake of encountering unending questions, doubts and disgusts.
@ddfreedie (690)
• India
13 Feb 09
i don share everything with my friends or family...i have somthing burried in my heart that cannot be shared...apart from that ill tell em all the secrets
1 person likes this
@ericluckychan (50)
• China
13 Feb 09
hi,normally i prefer to keep my secrects to myself, only because it is extremely harmful to expose all of them,
i have been working for six years, although i have been trying hard to strive for a succefull career, but my goal is still far from being reached, and if i tell my family that i am simply an ordinary office staff not a manager which i told them i am , it will definitely let my parents feel frustrated
@Komalkamboj (60)
• India
13 Feb 09
i think every relationship has its own weakness& strengths. Relationship with a sibling you can fight like cats and dogs for a piece of cake or just dress and still end up smiling at each other end of the day . Relationship with parents has not strings attached to it , no accounting should be done here . its not always give and take in relationships. sometime giving is more fun then receiving . Relationship with spouse is entirely different there is lot of love , and no hiding feelings or keeping secrets should be done in this one . you & your spouse are a one family . i believe if you fight with your spouse nobody should know about it as people see u fighting but not patching up . so they ll always remember your fights.which is not good
1 person likes this
@krajibg (11923)
• Guwahati, India
13 Feb 09
I agree wit you that relationship is not always a give and take. It is far above that. But how many of us feel this as we should? As they fail to understand you and you are not in a position to make them understand things start falling apart.
Thank you for your response.
1 person likes this
@deepakraj83 (180)
• India
13 Feb 09
some time i feel to share my problems with my frnds and relatives when iam un happy.they give some suggestion to come out of that problem.but i dont share some secrets of mine with my frnds and mainly with my husband that iam taking money from his pocket every week.
1 person likes this
@magojordan (3252)
• Philippines
13 Feb 09
I think relationships would be better if there was proper respect. Respect for you keeping your secrets from them would actually better than forcing it out of you. Also you have your rights to keep your secrets right?
@suzzy3 (8342)
•
12 Feb 09
I tell my husand almost everything that I am feeling but he is the only one,I do talk to my best friend but I have found some people take it literally and there turns out to be a dispute about nothing as it gets twisted and you end up being really embarrassed so yes I so keep certain things to my self not much from my husband though.He is my soul mate and we don't have many secrets from one another,I would not expect my husband to share everything as everyone keeps something back.I know when he is worried and he says he can handle it ,so I leave him alone untill he wants to tell me,but we live a simple life all our money goes into one account and we never really leave each others side ,only when he goes to work,it sounds suffocationg but we like it that way.If people really love you they will take the rough with the smooth,my friend knows things about me and I her,we trust each other ,we may not always agree entirely with each other but we back each other up anyway.
1 person likes this
@krajibg (11923)
• Guwahati, India
13 Feb 09
I do really admire your take. Life should be on one's own choice not as dictated by others. when you think this or that would keep you both happy do that and if not hold back. There is no use of creating scene as some people like to do.
thanks a lot for sharing.
1 person likes this
@sugiono (57)
• Indonesia
13 Feb 09
everything depends on ourselves. when we feel some problem is too hard to solve, it's better to share to gain more opinion and get the best of it. just get back to the core of the problem and try to settle ourselves before sharing with other which back to the topic sometimes our problem that we share with others could lead to more bad issue about us. be protective of yourself not overprotected, cheers.
1 person likes this
@krajibg (11923)
• Guwahati, India
13 Feb 09
thats what I wanted to add. If at all your overlookable mistake or say secret is too harmless why to create unnecessary scene? But if you feel that you need to speak it out do it but take care it doe not cause any pain.
thanks a lot for sharing.
1 person likes this
